Relationships | Deal breakers
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
No-one is perfect, and neither will be your potential mate. There are some personal attributes that are worth overlooking and some that are far too great to ignore.
Perhaps males do to a lesser extent than females do, but the average person has a laundry list of expectations of their potential mate. On this list can include personality traits, physical looks and possessions, just to name a few. If you look hard enough it is not impossible to find someone, who possesses everything that you desire on paper, but what about the other intangible qualities, or baggage that s/he may come with? Do these then matter?
If you are looking for the socially accepted ideology – a mate, house, kids, a dog, a couple goldfish… or even if you are the type who requires companionship to live a fulfilled life then maybe you ought to consider different combinations of scenarios, and decide which FEW things are of utmost importance to you.
Focus on those things that you:
a) Cannot live without, as well as those that you,
b) Cannot live with.
These things we shall refer to as relationship deal-breakers.
Of course, this is not to say that you need to be so desperate for a mate that you ignore clear and present red flags, but you know, Prioritize.
What if there is no passion in the relationship, but there is security?
Consider the following
What if the person:
- Is verbally or emotionally abusive but not physically
- Has bad credit
- Has a criminal record
- Is divorced
- Is married
- Has no intention of integrating themselves into your culture
- Already has a child or children
- Has a meddling baby momma/ daddy
- Has parents who don’t like you
- Has communication/ trust issues
Females, what if he makes less than you do?
Males what if she’s articulate and well qualified but stripped to pay tuition?
How much do these things matter to you?
These things listed above pale in comparison to some of the relationship challenges that are currently out there. With the state of economic affairs today, and with soaring divorce rates, sometimes we need to put down the fairy tale laundry list for a minute and look at the challenges that affect most people, including us, in relationships today.
It is too late to think about these things after we’re already in the relationship.
Prioritize your relationship needs.
Opposites may attract but it may not necessarily make a relationship work. Some relationship challenges can be worked through and some, well… ‘can’t’ is not positive word, so lets just say that some may not be worth the personal sacrifice, your personal sacrifice. Because lets face it, ain’t nobody else but you gonna be really making one.
Compromise doesn’t mean entirely giving up something, which you can’t live without, for an infinite amount of time, even if both people agree to give up something. That’s a recipe for disaster, as that’s not how we are programmed to work as humans.
Sometimes too much chemistry in a relationship can fuel it’s self destruction, or regularly blow simple things out of proportion. Sometimes no amount of money in the world can make up for someone’s lack of respect for themselves, their abusive behavior toward you, or their apparent disdain for your kids.
In addition to figuring out what your mate needs to physically bring to the table to satisfy our needs, we also ought to figure out the mix of the intangible things that we require in a relationship, in order that we are able to maintain our happiness and sanity.
Related posts:
Deep Sea Fishing
It’s not me, it’s you
Sexy State of Mind
What would you do?: Mistaken Identity (Pt. 1)
This blog has me thinking– am I getting what I want out of my relationship? Or am I compromising on my ‘Deal Breakers’?
Thinking deeply about this…
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wow…very deep thoughts there. Like this post.
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Indeed. Makes you think.
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