Dating | Me no speak Engrish
Sunday, December 13th, 2009
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Fellas, I understand. It’s not easy in the dating world with these self proclaimed ‘Independent Women’ these days. Trying to figure out what to say, how to approach, how to make small talk, how to break the ice, generally how to get the point across that you’re interested, especially if you don’t have your ish together, can be rough.
Worse when the lady friend in question is considered to be OYL, ‘Outside of Your League‘.
They said it, not I; Don’t shoot the messenger.
Besides, who am I to shoot down anyone’s aspirations? I’m a firm believer in going after what you want in this life. They say persistence is key, but sometimes man… you just have to know when to pack up and go home.
Truth be told, I haven’t dated every man on the planet, but I can safely say that women can pretty much tell if a guy is interested in them or not, before he even opens his mouth. We also know within the first 5 minutes whether you can get it or not, but that’s another issue altogether. After all, Grown ‘n Sexy things happen when worlds collide, but as usual, I digress.
We may not necessarily be able to initially identify the level of interest, or of any long-term intentions, but the short term ones? Absolutely. We, like you, are fluent in body language.
So in the event that you’ve been getting your grown-man-swag’ on with a chick, and it seems to you like she doesn’t seem to notice, understand that it’s not that she hasn’t figured out that you are trying to do… something. She is just ignoring you.
She probably doesn’t want to have the conversation:
‘Hey you know, you’re… like a really nice guy, … but… well… and if I was… at that point in my life, then… you know,… it.. it would umm… I just h… you know I just … I’m really focusing on my career right now, and I’m sorta not into the dating scene.. so much, because … well… I mean, you know how it is right?… Relationships do take a lot of time and I don’t have the time to give to it right now, and … you know.. I don’t want to… not give you … or not give it, the relationship I mean, what it should get, because you know .. you’re such a nice guy and all and I wouldn’t want to do that to you, but… I’m just not…. I’m just not dating right now.”
aka “Never happen”.
That’s a really difficult conversation to have, because no matter how we deliver it, it doesn’t change the outcome, the fact that yeeeeah… I’m about to reject you.
So sometimes, women just prefer to send not-so-subtle signals to assist you guys in figuring out what’s the full hundred. It’s so much easier that way. No awkward conversation, and you both can forget that avoidance jig ever happened.
The challenge comes when some of you guys don’t read what’s clearly written on the lines, and rather attempt to fill in the blanks yourselves.
So to help you figure out if you’re engaging in the avoidance jig, here are the top 5 signs that a girl is not feeling you:
1. She says that she’s not interested.
Like she actually says that, directly. Other signals that mean the same thing are when she:
- Doesn’t accept your lunch/ dinner/ coffee/ party/ house lime invitations or accepts them but always cancels sometime prior to the event.
- Is vague about making plans, and never has a solid one by the time she says that she’s supposed to be available.
- She says that she doesn’t give her number to strangers.
- She keeps talking about her boyfriend or husband.
Even if a girl is otherwise occupied relationship wise, if she’s interested in you she wouldn’t keep volunteering another man’s name.
2. She tries to set you up with someone else
- She introduces you to her friend, or a friend of her friend, by saying “You guys will get along so well”
3. She gives you the wrong number
- Or name.
- The email address that she gave you doesn’t exist.
- She says that she’s going to be some where and never shows. She also has no idea of what you are talking about when you mention it in a subsequent conversation.
Trust that when a woman is interested in you, she will ensure that you get her info correctly, and with the quickness. Yes-s-s-s-s-i-r.
4. She never responds.
- She never returns anything really – emails, texts, IMs, bbms, PIN messages, pokes, superpokes, nudges. Speak to the hand style because apparently she “No Speak Engrish”.
Understand that she gets them. These types of electronic messages can’t take a detour and get lost in a lonely dirt track in cyber space. I mean it’s almost like you don’t exist, and that’s because she wish you didn’t, or at least that you would stop. Women do this because, as we have come to realize over the years, to return any of these simple gestures would be to encourage that sort of behaviour.
- She doesn’t acknowledge that she received those flowers, or gifts that you sent to her office.
We really love gifts, so we make sure to say ‘Thank You’ so that you would send more.
- Without fail, every time you call her, she says that she’s going to call you back, and never does. She’s always on the phone when she’s around you, but yet she never calls you.
5. You have to keep sending Facebook Friend requests.
In case there is any ambiguity here, if you’ve been able to request for friendship from someone, who knows you, more than once, then that means that the person clicked the clearly marked, white “Ignore” button, that’s located next to the other clearly marked, blue “Confirm” button.
As far as I know, the Friend Requests don’t expire do they? I believe that they just stay there until the person responds either way. You cannot request a friendship more than once unless you’ve been ignored and the whole system resets itself.
If you were accepted, then you’d be her ‘friend’
Lets help the guys out here. Ladies, what other hints do we drop, to tell a guy that he’s not the one?
Fellas, what are the things that a girl, who you’re interested in, does in response to your actions that make you question where her mind is at?
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POSSIBLY RELATED GC POSTS
Relationships | When Love is Over
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It’s not me, it’s you
Another good sign is when she’s responding to your questions but not asking any of her own. She is only being polite (or self absorbed) and she will not do anything to encourage further conversation. An interested woman asks questions and wants to know about you.
[Reply]
Well written. I wish I had this info a few yrs ago. I had to learn the hard way. Nice work K
[Reply]
Thanks Aaron. I think we can all say the same thing yes. Hopefully, as we’re all a little older and a lot smarter, we have learnt from our mistakes!
[Reply]
oh yes, definitely! Good one Camz.
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