Relationships | When Love is Over

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As we spoke to the fellas in a previous post, Dating | Me no speak Engrish, it’s only fair that we also address the ladies on the relationship tip.

Either through denial or, I don’t know, not being fully present in the relationship perhaps, women too, can tend not to see what’s clearly written on the relationship wall.

These are my top 5 signs that a man has left the relationship building.

1. You’re mad and he doesn’t give a damn

 You’re fuming through the ears and frothing at the mouth and he makes absolutely no mention about it. As a matter of fact, you’re starting to think that he purposely does things to piss you to hell off because after 2 years of being together, you know that he knows better than to do, or say certain things, things that he’s expressed, at some point before in the relationship, that he knows upsets you. 

2. He doesn’t see the benefit of counseling

If a guy wants something he will do whatever it takes to get it. No matter how silly his friends may think it is, or how much he dislikes it, if he’s interested in being with you, he will, at the very least, entertain the thought of saving the relationship. 

So if you see that there’s clearly something wrong in the relationship and he doesn’t, well alrighty then, the both of you are already on different chapters, and quite possibly. of different books.

3. You never know where he is

 All that you know is that he ain’t home. Ever.

His friends are already on the tip that he’s moving on out so not even they … um… ‘get creative’ about his whereabouts anymore. You call them and ask where he is and they say that they don’t know. Period. Everyone says they have no idea where he is, and apparently you are the only one who cares. 

His working hours get longer, with no notice, explanation or call that even ‘something came up and I’m working late’ … ‘honey’ or no ‘honey’ attached. 

You are just totally out of the loop.

4. He no longer uses a title to introduce you

You are no longer his ‘girl’ or his ‘wife’. If you even get introduced at all, you are now… well whatever your government name is. No elaboration, no introducing you to anyone else, no niceties. You are just you and end of discussion. Whatever you choose to do to occupy yourself throughout the rest of the event is really up to you.

You also no longer get invited out to corporate events, or anything that would require you two to look like a ‘couple’.

5. Facebook notifies you that he’s no longer with you

Because, as we all know, Facebook likes to break the bad news the easy way – by letting the entire world know what’s up before you do. 

 

This is my humble opinion, but what do I know. Maybe the guys can help.

Are there any things that I’ve incorrectly identified or missed?

 

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Career | Email Etiquette

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Email Etiquette. Wow. 

I think most of my peeps have already figured this out, but I’m not a heavy ‘Forward’ reader. It’s not that I don’t enjoy reading useful tidbits, or laughing, or smiling, or saving a child, or getting good luck, or getting a cheque in the mail, or any other fun stuff like that. That’s not it.

It’s because, for the most part, I have more than enough more pressing original mail to respond to, that I’m already behind on. It’s not that I absolutely do not read forwards, because I do; I just read forwards from certain people. People who, with time, I’ve come to realize forward with a purpose.

Here are some tips that we can all heed on being email Savvy 

1. Don’t Spam

Give the forward button a day off. Email-forwarding etiquette is a post in itself but here are a few pointers:

Don’t forward things that you don’t read yourself. If you are too busy to read the forward, then the same most likely applies to your friends. Read the information and see if it is applicable to the people you are sending. Create lists if necessary. Don’t cry wolf; if you are that person who’s known for sending arbitrary useless forwards, no-one is going to know, or care, when you have something useful, or important, to say.

If you must forward, because the information is ‘important’ or ‘relevant’, make sure to clean up the email. It’s a ‘forward’, so it’s been passed on, and on, and on, and on, but there’s no need for everyone to read that. Scrolling down 2.4 MB of useless email addresses and personal signature data is enough to make even the people who enjoy reading forwards, opt to click delete halfway down the page.

And remove the 10,000 “Fwd”s in the subject line. The less de-cluttered you make the email, the greater the chances that people will read the ‘important’ information that it contains. If you find that cleaning up forwards is too much work, just delete it and move on. 

2. Protect people’s privacy

Internet privacy is a hot topic these days, probably because with all people’s dirty media laundry being strung on front street, the low wattage light bulb is finally starting to flicker. 

The people on your list are your friends yes, but they aren’t necessarily friends of each other. Friendship aside, it’s just rude to volunteer people’s personal information like that. Consider email information like a phone number and handle it with the same amount of care. 

Unless it’s a group of people who normally talk to each other – like family perhaps, or the email is part of a group discussion, address everyone in the ‘Bcc”(Blind Carbon Copy) rather than the ‘To” Field.

3. Have an appropriate signature

Email signatures, like the way you dress, can say a lot about you to the world. Sometimes giving people too much creativity can work against them, so do bear this in mind when you decide to attach a signature. Ensure that it reflects the image that you would like to project to the world because, as we will soon explore, emails (of any nature) may be forwarded. 

Keep the animation and flash work at bay. Innovative yes, but not appropriate.

This also goes for your email font, two words – Eye Care.
Italicized Fushia pink Comic Sans?… oh gosh man. No-one over 15 years maximum should be still writing a full email in those fonts. You are well over that age, keep it simple and eye friendly.

 

These last two are particularly linked to your career.

4. Refrain from sending NSFW emails

Please, do not forward NSFW (Not Safe For Work) emails to your friend’s corporate email address(es). If the emai by passes the company’s filter and does find itself in your friend’s inbox, understand that the Big Boys over at the company’s IT department are gonna know that your buddy, and their employee is taking in the Freaky Freaky at work. Although this may not affect your friend’s work performance, it’s not a good look.

This type of action is against the email and internet policies of most companies and is clearly stated in their Employee Handbook.

Naturally NSFW email senders, don’t send these emails from your company email either. Logging into your private email address at your work station and engaging in these activities doesn’t count as ‘private’. If you must, do it from your alternate email address from an alternate location.

5. Check, double check and triple check.

Take the time out to formulate your emails before you send them.

Even though it may be casual banter, or maybe the colleague is your friend, do see that your thoughts are expressed clearly and in standard English. No IM/ text/ bbm or any other Instant Messaging language in your emails. There’s no character limit here and besides, it’s not professional. 

Your emails go on your permanent record.

Just like your tweets (Twitter), or your Facebook status updates or posts or what have you, because you can delete them from your inbox or your account doesn’t mean that they no longer exist. 

Even if it’s a one liner, remember that all and any email, can and may be forwarded, accidentally or intentionally.  There are other grammatical ways of appearing to be ‘informal’ or ‘casual’ in an environment that is always formal.

If you aren’t versed in Business Writing, just err on the side of being too formal and stick to basic Standard English. Don’t try to be smart or witty in professional emails; There’s nothing like the ‘words without intonation’ combo to royally screw up good intentions.

Of course any personal grievances, ‘back chat’, ‘lip’ or any other behaviour that you’d rather no-one see, for example the person who you are upset with, should not be documented via email, or voice mails while we are at it.

This may sound obvious but it’s amazing how very little heed is paid to this advice, because after all, these things don’t happen to us. I’m sure a certain athlete, who shall remain nameless, thought the same thing.

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There is a lot that can be written on this topic. Do you have any more tips?

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Style | Shoe blues

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Gotta love you some shoes. However, nothing quite cancels out the effect of fierce statement shoes like their owner engaging in frumpy caveman bevaviour.

Come on, that’s not lady-like, where’s your Diva training?

If you are Bold-Faced enough to even think that you are capable of carrying off sky-high stillettos, then you must to be Bad-Mind enough to endure it to the end!

This business of walking out a social engagement bare-footed, and toting your shoes behind you like you just barely lost a fight with them is not Sexy.

To avoid this and other similar shoe-sasters, consider the following when buying shoes:

1. Exercise some Fashion Sense

Of course love fashion, ain’t nobody telling you no, but sometimes you have to consider other factors to figure out if your feet can handle all that flyy for that particular event, depending on how long you are going to be standing in them.

When buying pointed-toe shoes (the ones that we refer to as ‘kick & stab’), it is recommended that you go one size bigger. This little trick goes for pointed-toe boots as well.

2. Buy your correct size.

If you measure your feet and your are a size 7, buy a size 7. Don’t try to stuff your feet in a 5.5 because the joke will be on you at the end of the night.

Be sure to try on, and strut your stuff in, both sides of the pair of shoes at the store, as it is not uncommon for one foot to be larger than the other. It is said that feet swell during the course of the day when you are on them, so it is a good idea to purchase them, statement shoes especially, later during the day to accommodate this swelling.

Insoles are also a good idea; in addition to making you feet feel comfy, they can also help fit your  feet into shoes that may be a half size to a size too big.

By the way, that rule about going one size lower when purchasing open-toed shoes is a lie. Regardless of how expensive that shoe is, nothing looks cheaper than toes hanging out the front of a shoe -claw style, or a crusty heel hanging off of some sick sling-backs.

3. Wear smartly

Even shoes have a time and place. If you work for an advertising company or any such company where creativity is encouraged, then by all means rock your multicoloured pumps to work. I mean who can resist some super high pumps in a royal purple with a pair of skinny jeans and a white shirt… sigh…

But if you are going to,… say perhaps a Carnival fete and intend to be jumping to the sweet soca sounds, then you definitely need to be wearing something a more practical and comfortable.

Although I would not be caught dead in these because of my height, for practicality sake I propose those funky ballet slippers. If you’re tall enough to carry it off, and you wont get lost in a crowd without your stilletos then these are a perfect option to wearing sneakers and looking like you are about to take a sprint down the runway.

4. Practice your walk

If you are going to buy statement stilettos, know now how to walk in them. It’s never a good idea to wear your shoes the same night, especially if you know that you are going to be standing for hours. That is just looney behaviour. 

Try to get these shoes sometime before (at least a week), and wear them around at home so as to get your feet accustomed to the feel of the shoe, and to understand where you can and cannot wear them.

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Forward ever!

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