Champagne Taste and Mauby Pocket.
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
Hmmm.
As Divas, we sometimes have to deal with more than our fair share of the nasty.
We’ve all met them:
- The Super who is a bit too friendly when he comes to fix the leak in the kitchen
- The Bouncer at the nightclub who thinks that he can get some of your lovely because he mans the door of the hotspot, or
- The Smarmy landlord who “subtly” offers to subsidize your rent for a night out on his town.
We have all been through it, and it sucks big time. Coupled with the feelings of revulsion, you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you somehow, somewhere along the way, managed to show this scumbag that you were able to be bought.
Well, Sweet Honey Chile’, don’t blame yourself; It’s nothing you said or did. The onus falls on Mr. Little Blue (Pill).
Rest assured that if he offered to give you an extension on your lease in exchange for your lovely presence on his arm in public, (its ok to cringe), and you declined this, oh so generous offer, it is he that should feel like Eau de POOP, not you.
We should feel good about the fact that we were not in the least turned on by the fatness of his wallet, (or his engorged beer belly, for that matter), but rather would choose to be impressed by valour, honour and compassion for one’s fellow man, not to mention the unquestionable ability to get it up without the use of a prescription drug or a magnifying glass.
So what if he thinks that he is worthy to even stand on the platform of your exotic love train, much less buy a ticket and be allowed to board, all because he has a lot of cheddar? Somebody is in total denial and it ain’t you Sister!
Its not your fault that he suddenly got the “Mauby Pocket Syndrome” (a common syndrome among the beta males roaming the planet). We ought to feel flattered that he realized this, and that he tried to sweeten the pot with something that he thought you didn’t have.
And so this paltry token of appreciation has been laid at our feet. What the firetruck do we do now?
Withhold the the urge to slap the teeth out of his lecherous mouth. Instead dig deep to find your most believable ‘Ditzy’ moment and start giggling helplessly. Do this for about 3 minutes, just enough time for Mr. Tiny Blue (Pill) to start feeling seriously uncomfortable.
Then do something that will throw him off course, and mess with him a bit. Things that come immediately to mind are :
- Search in your bag for a pen, and decline vehemently when he offers one.
- Take out your phone and call your grandmother and ask her if she is up for a date with a really swell guy (insert “Face Drop” here), or
- Start calling for your dog, Patches.
By the time you are finished doing something totally insane, sober up suddenly and make Direct Eye Contact (DEC) with the old Smarm. Smile brightly and politely decline his offer.
Don’t give the bastard any help by just standing there. Pack up shop and walk away, shut your car door, roll up your windows and when you get to where you are going, give yourself some time to recoup and collect your self.
A good pat on the on the back for leaving with your dignity in tact, and you’re ready to take on the world.
Remember self love is something we cannot do without. Never lose sight of the bigger picture.
Love yourself. There isn’t enough money to wash away the stink of losing your dignity.
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Forward ever!
P.S.:
Mauby Pocket Syndrome - a term derived from a local Trinidadian saying which states that a person has “Champagne taste and Mauby pocket”.
This means that he or she has very expensive tastes but no way of affording it.
Champagne, as we know, is associated fine (and expensive) drinking, whereas Mauby, although a tremendously delightful drink made of bark, spices and cane sugar, is priced so affordably, at even the least fortunate among us can enjoy it.
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Thanks Alicia! keep the love coming!
[Reply]
This is sooo true…..and very relevant to today’s divas!
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