I'm right; You're wrong.
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
New Year. New style. New dance again.
Another year, another battle with conflict resolution and effective people management. Sheesh, “Can’t we all just get along?”
No matter how reasonable you are, conflict is bound to happen in the workplace. Guaranteed & automatic – there are just too many variables present to avoid such.
Here are 6 tips from ECOS, regarding attitudes that we ought to develop in order to resolve conflicts and find solutions, both in the workplace and at home.
1. Define what the conflict is about
It has been found that at least 75% of the time, people are arguing about entirely different matters. To see if you are both on the same page, ask questions such as:
- ” What is the issue here?”
- ” How can we resolve this?”
- ” What do you feel we are arguing about?”
Your choice of words is important here. Avoid phrasing the questions like
- “What’s your point?”
for example.
2. Understand that it’s not “you vs. me”. It’s “you and me vs. the problem”
Don’t get personal. Recognize that source of the conflict is the problem, not the person.
Winning at the other person’s expense is an exercise in futility; A vicious cycle of contempt is created, where the losing opponent gets into the mind frame that s/he will then have to defeat you in the next round. The boxing gloves go up and every setting that brings you guys together becomes rematch after rematch after rematch.
Not so good for fostering a healthy work environment.
3. Identify your shared concerns
Deal with the issue at hand – first from the point where you agree, then move toward where you disagree. Openly accept and support the other person’s viewpoint that you agree with. This makes it appear less that you are challenging an opinion and more that you are in search of a solution, thereby making the process simpler and more effective.
4. Sort out interpretation and opinions from facts
Rather than ask “What happened?” ask, “What did you do/ say?”. By doing so you will get their perception of the matter, which is much closer to the facts, rather than their interpretation, opinion, version or views of what happened.
5. Develop a sense of forgiveness
Peace is not possible without forgiveness.
Don’t bury the hatchet only to remember exactly where you put it, for easy draw for use in the next battle. Let go of it completely now, or figure out some definite time when you will.
6. Learn to listen actively
Listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to respond. This way, you block the “I’m right; You’re wrong” thinking that is present in most conflicts.
Habit five in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People states “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Take time to go over and verify what you have heard.
.
Here’s to less bickering and backbiting in 2010.
Cheers!
.
SOURCE: Adapted, with permission, from ECOS
Further suggested reading:
Covey, Stephen, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Free Press, 2004
Butler, Timothy, Getting Unstuck, Harvard Business Press, 2007
Dana, Daniel, Managing Differences, MTI Publications, 2003
POSSIBLY RELATED GC POSTS
Career | Email Etiquette
Career Tip: Online presence
Casual Fridays
Office Party Etiquette
Live your life