Trinidad Carnival | What Not to Wear
Monday, February 1st, 2010
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Having been to all these Carnival fetes, boy… there’s so much to say. Carnival is right around the corner yes, but ladies there is still time enough for some of us to redeem ourselves, especially in the style & fashion department.
Lord where do we start…
1. Dress to according to your size.
Let’s face it, not everything is for everybody.
It’s carnival yes, but if we have to stomach one more unfit, non-entertainment female strutting about in short shorts, boobie poppers, fishnet stockings and stilettos we will call the fashion police. I mean what’s the goal here? It’s baffling that one has a full length mirror at home and can still manage to leave the house in nothing that flatters any one area of one’s body.
If your legs aren’t toned, fishnets have a tendency to make your legs look like stuffed sausage, just waiting for any reason to be released. If you must, try wearing the fishnets over leotards that match your skin exactly. That’s what the average performer does, but they’re entertainers, what’s your excuse?
Why not try some leggings, some fab shoes and a ‘just right’ top that flatters the girls, but yet covers the derriere and leaves a bit to the imagination. Butt cheeks encased in holey stockings is just not cool man.
2. Dress according to your intended behaviour
Further to point #1, if you know you going to jump up and get on bad in de people fete, and you ain’t no ‘A’ bra cup then wearing your boobies barely restrained in slinky strappy tops that provide absolutely no support to manage the aggressive jumping movement is not cute.
Even if are blessed with some perky, good-sized assets show them some appreciation and wear a bra if you intend to jump around like House of Pain. They will thank you as your skin ages.
And while we’re on the subject of bras, get ones that fit please. If you aren’t sure of your size walk into any store that sells them and get yourself measured. It’s free.
And, excuse the vernacular but ‘yuh see them strap on de bra them? That is fuh yuh to tighten the bra so that it fit yuh’. If you stand in the mirror and you see a couple of melons stretching towards your waist, this can be remedied by tightening the straps. But, you knew that … right?
3. Ease off the hair product
Greasy/ too much hair product/wet and drippy/gelled to a spiky health hazard/ are all no nos. Nuff said.
One blue devil spouting fire from his lips and you up in smoke.
4. Walk away from horizontally stripped lycra.
Horizontal stripes are only meant for the runway. The slim model types that we come across from day to day can also get away with them. If ever have ever used the word ‘curves’ or the phrase ‘lady lumps’ while referring to yourself – stay away.
Anything other than an athletic/ boy shape needs to get over the idea of ever wearing horizontally stripped lycra, at least in public. ‘Coca-cola bottle shape’, ‘apple’, ‘pear’, ‘top heavy’, ‘bottom heavy’, however else you want to call whatever other shape there is, just stay very far away from horizontal stripes please.
5. Quit channeling Medusa
Dark/black lipliner and sheer lipstick went out with the garbage. Your liner should exactly match your lipstick and on top of that no matchy matchy eyeshadow to go with your get up. That is never a good idea. Where are the fire-breathing, mono-cycling, bowling pin juggling clowns? You look like you are part of a circus troupe.
For tips on Grown ‘n Sexy makeup applications see a whoooole set of tips here:
6. Wear your own clothes
That is to say wear clothes that you are comfortable with dammit, because I’m going to assume that you wouldn’t spend your own money on clothes that don’t fit and flatter you. Tugging at your painted on hems just draws unnecessary attention to your wanna-bee self. If it’s riding then let it ride. If you’re uncomfortable with the ride then change your clothes before you leave the house. It’s that simple; No-one is forcing you to wear it.
OOOOR you can be sensible and wear something that fits and flatters the shape that your mother gave you. For universally flattering style tips for women click here.
7. Cover your essentials
The only person that should be seeing your butt crack is no one. This also goes for string thongs and panty-lines. If you put on some panties that are too small (hoping they will hold you in), and then put stretch skinny jeans or, Lord forbid, leggings over it – you end up with the VPL (visible panty line) sausage effect. Uuuuuggghhhhh!
There is really no remedy for this other than wear your size. Please and thank you.
For tips on wearing leggings click here.
8. Use ‘fashion’ accessories
All the jewelry that you and your neighbor own belong in a saftey deposit box and not on your body at Carnival time. Don’t put yourself and others in danger by putting on the glitz and strutting yuh stuff in Panorama – you just begging for drama. Anyone can figure that out.
You can get into the embellishment trend by wearing glitzy accessories that are not only trendy and fashionable but will give you all the bling that you desire without all the drama of being robbed. For tips on hopping unto the embellishment trend click here.
Forward ever…
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Hi there,
Just wanted to reply to your comment on my blog. I think we differ on our opinions of fashion. I’m a traveller not a fashion expert but I do know from what I have seen across the world that Trinis are stylish for sure – but I would never say we are the most stylish in the Caribbean.
Again, this is just my opinion.
Rishi
[Reply]
of course
) and you are entitled to it…fwd ever…
[Reply]