Mystery Fabric
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010
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There are certain things in life that aren’t cool. Mystery fabric is one of those things, pardon the intended pun.
In the same way that purchasing that ‘yummy gumberry’ fluorescent purple drink, the hot pink ‘strawberry sorbet’ body wash and lotion combo, or that face cream that can double as a cologne probably aren’t the best purchasing decisions we’ve made thus far in life, so is that fabric that consists of not one component that we can either spell or pronounce.
Why? One word.
Artificial.
Why subject your skin to more, unnecessary, man-made stress?
You can still be groovy without going to the disco ‘baby. You can now look fresh without feeling like you just either just came out of the shower or need one.
Choose the more sophisticated blends of fabric that are readily available these days to go with the new and improved, sophisticated you that you wanna be.
Top reasons to pass on the mystery fabric:
1. The 80s are over
Like 2 decades now. Recognize.
There are far more sophisticated blends of easy-to-pronounce material out there that can allow your to breathe a minute AND yawn/ bend at the same time. Really.
You no longer have to sacrifice one for the other, a happy (s)medium can be had.
2. It makes you sweat
Mystery fabric is synthetic. Man-made, i.e. it doesn’t exist in that form anywhere in nature.
Which brings me to synthetic underwear – what the what?????
Walk into the average female ‘intimates’ store and you are bombarded with mystery fabric everywhere, while the guys are comfy, snugly and hygienically wrapped in breathable fabric, usually some cotton blend or the other. Which isn’t surprising, just look at everything else they don – from their shoes to everything else that falls under Grown man’s swag ‘n style, fashion wise. Even if it’s stepping over the borders of the trendy line, and looks slightly unapproachable even though it makes them look so damn Sexy, it’s still comfortable, breathable fabric.
Ladies, how do the privates breathe in woven plastic?
And then as if that wasn’t bad enough, mystery fabric thongs? Wowzers.
Seriously, a line must be drawn somewhere (the English language I tell you), for dare I say that females are in more dire need of free flowing oxygen in certain areas than are males.
Man. Just eww.
Cotton or cotton blend undies my friends; Get familiar.
3. It’s cheap
Not even inexpensive, it’s cheap. Literally.
It costs like half a cent to manufacture a warehouse full of it, and when worn it looks half as expensive.
Sure, we aren’t all high rollers, but we don’t have to be one to look like one. Dressing like one can start as soon one chooses breathable textiles over odour inducing ones.
Regardless of the price point, unless they are eyeglasses frames, wearing plastic is not flattering, period. So next time, and when in doubt, walk far, far away.
4. It ages you
If you were born anytime before 1980, this is not the social statement that you’d like to make, as I’m sure you already possess something else – dance moves, offspring, a certain area code for your cell number – which already does this quite well.
Don’t let your choice of fabric be another tell-tale sign.
No matter how fancy it looks, resist the urge.
5. It’s an environmental danger
If you don’t care about you, at least think about the environment. This ‘fabric’ will outlive you by an infinite amount of years and it’s toxic leaks will probably end up in your great, great, great, grandchild’s waterways.
Okay maybe that’s a little dramatic, but seriously if the earth doesn’t want to touch it, why should you?
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