Duh. She’s Not That Into You.
Thursday, September 16th, 2010
Issue Critical : ‘Men need to open their eyes and make a proper assessment when they meet a woman, before assuming that lady in question wants more that a friendship.’
This is how I’ve calculated that women’s mind works guys. Check out this scenario.
A woman meets you for the first time. You are introduced to her by a mutual friend (situation works best if mutual friend is another woman). You seem to hit it off and you’re having a really good rapport, good conversation (no excessive flirting, no physical contact) so you figure
*hey, why not? Lemme ask for her number.*
You are fortunate enough to be given said number, and so by this time you’re saying to yourself.
*I’m the shizznit, she’s really digging me….*
Boing.
WRONG.
.
This will be the blink just before you put your foot in your mouth.
Her apparent thought process will include at least one of the following:
- You’ve been introduced to her by one of the friends that she trusts, which will most likely lead her to believe that you are not a complete A-HOLE (a trait that she may have associated with most of your species). You have been given a free pass to converse, and maybe, and occasionally, take a little dance (in the event that soca is playing – for all my Caribbean folks), and everybody gettin ‘on bad (having a fantastic time at the party – for my non Caribbean folk). Just a little cautious wine, (complex and dancing movements that involve heavy/ rigourous hip gyrations) – and definitely, No Hands..!!
- She will speak to you initially out of respect and politeness to her friend. Don’t take it for anything else.
- It’s been said that, within the first few minutes of meeting a guy, a woman knows within the first few minutes of meeting would have already decided whether you are going to be classified as:
- A Friend (F)
Purely platonic relations. NO PHYSICAL !! aka – She’s not attracted to you whatsoever. Hard luck. - A More Than Friend (MTF).
The possibility of an some sort of relations exist, usually with a little bit of the eros in there somewhere. - One Nighter (ON or FB).
You can possibly fill that need of hers to release that bodily tension or stress, or just have good times – ones that last usually just a few hours, and do not, under any circumstance, extend or relate to any interaction that she may have for you whatsoever the next day. You get my drift.
- A Friend (F)
Let this be a recurring script in your head, the one further away from the ground.
If you’re classified as a friend, that decision has been cast in stone.
Nothing you say or do can and will change that outcome. You have been deemed unworthy of an MTF or ON status. Of course, this may not be your ideal scenario, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either. After all, you may have the makings of a really great friendship. What you do with this situation is entirely up to you.
Too many times I’ve seen gentlemen throw themselves at women, and actually believe that they have a chance at something besides friendship, just because the woman in question responds. Chances are, if she not even a little bit into you, she’ll never be. Accept it, move on, and learn how to read the signs so that you won’t lose a potentially good friend and/ or frustrate the living daylights out of yourself.
Some of the identifiers:
.
Same scenario as above; You get introduced to the new lady by a mutual female friend. You are talking – amazing convo. Suddenly she’s closer to you. Her hand may ‘accidentally’ touch yours, or she may find various different excuses to lightly caress you – largely in jest or to perhaps assist you with something. She is very attentive to you and your needs. If you’re in a club, she might even offer to go accompany you while you get her a drink.
This happens? Yeah. She’s definitely into you.
Sure nothing is cast in stone so this is not fool proof. I know that I’m going to get, “but I got into a relationship with a really good guy friend of mine and we’re still together and I didn’t classify him as a MTF or as ON…what gives….?”
Oh boy, I’m gonna have fun with this one, YES YOU DID…!!!!! You see women, being the generally decent and well brought up individuals that they are, do not like to ‘mash up ting’, so if the following external stimuli are applied, then you will classify the man in question as a FRIEND, but deep down, you know you want him:
- He’s in a committed relationship
- You’re in a committed relationship
- You dating someone but you ent’ sure yet…
Lemmi hear yuh now.
Vox Rationis
The situation: Out of respect for your mutual friend, you speak to random guy.
The issue: he gets your number and thinks he scores. What’s the alternative? Ignore him and be seen as a biatch.
Call me a biatch I say. I ain’t dealing with random phonecalls I’d rather not take. Pfft.
[Reply]
soooooo true. If I am not into you the first couple of minutes I will not be into you at all. And no matter of talking or tell me how great yuo are will change my mind, Either I want you in bed or not!!!! We can be friends – don’t mess that up tooo!
[Reply]
…learning lesson: Thou shalt not walk with a wing-man (woman). If thy game is strong, thou shalt be blessed with the MTF, ON or good old marriage proposal. Reason: Middle-man (woman) influence has been removed and you’re assessed on your own merits (or demerits..). Of course, ‘name-dropping’ of known mutual associates (who shalt sing thy praises) has been known to ‘seal the deal’..! Carry on…
[Reply]
Then why give him your number in the first place? I usually just say ask me next time we hangout. Chances are next time I see the guy I’ll say hi but give him wide enough berth that he doesnt get the opportunity to ask for it (without looking like a stalker that is). And I usually ask my friend not to give out my number in case they go that route instead.
I will admit though, that if I actually realise that a guy is into me early enough in the convo (cause I can be clueless sometimes) and I’m not interested, I start talking about another guy or constantly bring another guy up in the conversation. Yes a little bad, but guys usually read it as there already being someone else around that you are ‘obviously’ into and step back.
Sadly, its about not bruising any tender ego’s when you let them down. Specially in this fishbowl some of us still live in.
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