What’s an Island Girl to do?
Tuesday, September 21st, 2010
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I am in the market for both an apartment and for Mr. Right. Sounds pathetic, desperate and clichéd, but you know what? It is my Island Girl reality. In my search, some Mr. Hell-No-You-Are-So-Wrongs have made brief, amusing, and sometimes ridiculous appearances. Case in point:
Scenario 1:
I am rushing to get the car out of the garage, because I am trying to beat the morning traffic. The sanitation engineers (garbage men) come along to collect the trash. As I close the gate so the two vicious Rottweilers don’t get at one of their favourite snacks, (the other being the postman), one of them says to me:
“Baby, you, me, a bottle of Correia’s Hard Wine and Richie’s!”
Now Richie’s is a local bar where you have to duck to get in the door. It is pitch black, crowded with men with gold teeth, and your shoes stick to the floor. Let’s put it this way, my father would return from the sea, in which his ashes were scattered, and kick my assets from here to eternity. I politely thank him for the invite and wish him a great day, lest he leaves my rubbish to pile up. High.
Scenario 2:
I have parked at the mall. Rushing to get to the store, I encounter one of the security guards, who is sporting a wicked grill in his mouth and he says to me,
“Psst! Psst! Family! What I will do to you family!”
Then he does something that involves his hand, his, um, nether region. I threw up in my mouth, I swear; This so wrong on so many levels. Firstly, you, who have been entrusted with my security, are sexually harassing me. Secondly, you would do that to a member of your family? Ew! Beast face on as I brush past him, and a quick prayer to the Almighty that my car is not keyed, the tires will still be inflated and Security Slime is not waiting out there when I return.
Scenario 3:
Party jamming. Music playing. Drinks flowing. Nice man everywhere. My dress is hot – short and tight in a totally Kim Kardashian, non-prostitute way, legs waxed and gleaming. Nice man everywhere. Who approaches? Expatriate, probably working with one of the oil and gas companies, about 250 pounds of fat, an annoying Texas accent and smelling of bourbon.
“Can I buy you a drink honey? I have been waiting here all night for you to walk in the door.”
I look around. I shake my head. I look in the mirrored wall at our reflections and think:
**He for real? He and his cowboy boots for real?” **
I politely refuse; show him I can well afford to get my own drink, and spend the rest of the night ducking George Bush, as he was nicknamed after that night.
This is but a sample of the sad state of affairs. Now, I am sure these guys are perfectly lovely, but as they say,
This stale bread is looking for another type of mouldy cheese.
I have been scarred by these experiences, vacillating between periods of lower-than-the–line-in-the-road self esteem, to an over-inflated ego that makes me think,
**Wait, he see me?! He CANNOT be serious.**
My other friends also have had the same experiences. It is an island phenomenon.
What can we do? What are we putting out there that attracts these lovely gentlemen?
Well, the theory is that they know they can’t get through so they put it out there anyway. If it a PG kind of thing, they get a smile and a laugh and it makes these guys’ days. It if it a rated R to X, they get a what-the-A-double-snakes and all other kinds of strong language.
Why is it so hard to get a guy? My friend Damon, who I love to bits and my mother maintains was the man for me, has told me in frank, simple language when I complained about the no man situation:
“You intimidate men.”
Eh? What’s that? Me? Apparently I do.
When Damon said it, apparently all other men in my life decided to come out of the closet with that one.
My brothers:
“You too aggressive! And do not tell men you could fix a toilet!”
My closest male friend at the time said:
“You don’t ask anyone for advice. You just charge ahead!”
He has since been relegated to bottom of the barrel after I told him stick to engineering and I’ll will do the PR – I mean do I tell him how to build a bridge? – Another story.
A work colleague:
“Girl, when you walk, you do not look right or left. You look powerful, purposeful. You look like you do not need a man!”
A married friend, who bought an Audi for his wife:
“You drive a convertible, an European car. Man looking at you and saying they can’t afford you, either that or you pretty much can buy it on your own!”
Eeek! What?
So in other words, being self-sufficient, having a strong opinion, walking with your head up with one foot in front of the other, opening doors for myself, and paying back a loan for a car makes me unattractive to men who I would like to approach me?
So, in typical human fashion, I will blame everybody else for my present woes. I went to an all-girl high school, where opinions were encouraged (radical for a Presbyterian school). My mother sent me to learn to walk when my classmates entered me in our high school’s version of Miss Universe. My job in PR has made me accept that I open doors, and lift boxes and chairs. My divorced mother, who we fondly refer to as Macgyver, can make a seven-course meal using dental floss, crazy glue and day old spaghetti. And my car? I could not resist the Pug. A drain on my resources, yes, but I Iove her! Oprah – I also blame Oprah.
And, for entertainment sake, just what will make me more attractive to the men I find fit? All those silly books – you know the ones that tell you as a woman how to act, because the guy lives in a different solar system to yours – they don’t help. They may be better fit for the London or NYC girls, but those rules do not apply in the islands. Apparently, I have to simper and sigh, walk with my head hanging below my neckline, complain about the possibility of having to replace a cracked toilet seat, bring in the goats and maybe even swoon. I feel sick already.
So the question is:
Is this really my issue? Or does this fall on the guys this time?
Why should a man be intimidated by someone who needs them, not for money or fix-its, but for companionship, love and emotional and spiritual bonding. Okay, I may have just answered my own question.
Island Men still feel they have to swoop in. Their insane need to be practical, logical beings is clearly challenged by a woman who also wants to be practical and logical. They’re still looking for wife, mother of their children and needy soul, maybe not equal partner.
What’s an Island Girl to do I ask? Compromise? Eschew the learnings and teachings of parents, instructors, Oprah, and self-help manuals? How the hell I am I supposed to find Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now if they are basically afraid of me?
Advice please.
But for now, on to other things.
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Great read Island Girl. I guess men do need to feel “needed” and while us educated, fabulous females would think “they have me, isn’t that enough?”. It isn’t. It’s a work in progress. The continuous reminder that we chose them needs to be there. For decades, men have treated us like possessions, conquests and yet another way to compete in the male arena. They want the Ferrari, Beckham body, Branson success and a Kardashian on their arm.
The reality?
They now feel like conquests and not only should we blame Oprah but also Samatha from SATC.
So as per usual, we the women have another job to do. Make our men feel wanted. Because it is their insecurity – not ours. They KNOW we can get any man that we want. They even know that we would be content by ourselves.
But Island Girl, you hit the nail on the head. We want them for all the thigns we cannot get ourselves. Companionship. Soft kisses. Laughing at our jokes. A friend. A lover.
We know our worth – how do we get them to know theirs.
As the mother of a 2 year old boy, I ask myself who do I teach the boy to know that he is worth it, so that when his time comes women aren’t screaming at him the way I scream at hubby at time.
I have to love him. Love him more than I have loved anyone. Encourage him to do thigns he wants to do while steering him to do the things that he must do – education etc.
So I blame the mothers too.
But for now, you just gotta keep on trucking. There must be men out there who’s mothers did everything right.
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islandgirl Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 10:35 am
Mimilicious:
Girl, I hear you. Will definitely keep on trucking because if i don’t – well i might as well just curl up and shrivel – LOL!
Island Girl
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..well..it’s pretty much stated above. I speak for myself (maybe not for all Island Men), that it is hard-wired into me to: 1. Provide for and 2. Protect, the woman I pursue as a companion. Anything or mentality that challenges these ideals, challenges what I have defined as true manhood and as such, I’d side-step and move right along. Goat-herder preferred, nope, but at least the acknowledgement that despite all the independence she may bring to the table, I remain relevant and capable as her man. As to the singular role of ‘companionship, love, emotional and spiritual bonding’…go see ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ with the girlfriends.
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islandgirl Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 10:37 am
Brian:
Do I detect a note of sarcasm in that last line
??? (By the way – the movie sucked – book much better)
Island Girl
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Yes men are generally hardwired to be the provider and ‘need to be needed’ but womankind has been evolving to a point where we want someone to share our lives with; not play the game of who has the bigger ego/bank account. Why should I have to be less, so that he can feel like more?
In my humble opinion, you are probably just hanging around with the wrong men. Living abroad, and having access to a much larger pool of men, made me realise that there are men and societies that appreciate my strengths – including the fact that I have thoughts and opinions that dont originate from a man’s wallet or my panties. And sometimes these men come in unexpected packages.
As for the intimidating part, if I guy cant get past his own fears/thoughts about what he thinks you are (without getting to know you), then he isnt worth. If on the other hand, as he gets to know you, all he hears is how much you dont need him, then maybe thats something you need to look at. Relationships are supposed to be symbiotic not a power struggle.
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islandgirl Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 10:41 am
Camz:
Point taken. Your pool is much larger than mine…I can be head puncher rather than a hand holder. Symbiosis is key…but i also want someone to recognise that these ‘failings’ of opinion, fix it etc, are pluses and not negatives.
Island Girl
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Camz Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 11:24 am
And dont worry, I feel your pain as I have recently moved back to the island life. Living abroad has raised my expectations of what men should be but I’m accepting the realities of what it means being back home, and fishing in a smaller pond. For now, I’ve packed up my pole and pondering more distant fishing adventures
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Ok no one else wants to say it – I WILL! Isn’t enough that men have a penis that can do its job forever – health permitting! That men get better looking as they age! I could go on!
To quote Brian,
“but at least the acknowledgement that despite all the independence she may bring to the table, I remain relevant and capable as her man”
What is that supposed to mean?
And Brian please don’t take this personally and get your jockey shorts in a twist!
“relevant and capable” So what no matter what a woman can do for herself…you must be able to have just that oonks more than her! If she can buy herself a Louis Vuitton, you must buy her the Berkin.
To me love should not be about what one can do for another. Love is an emotion. It just happens. In relationships where there isn’t true love, the relationship and maintenance of said bond is buttressed by material things – presents etc.
True love does not need nothing. (Yes I know double negative…went for the hyperbolic phrasing sacrificng grammar!)
Its about the two people. Who has what and who does what and who buys who what and who needs who – BS!!!
Try again Brian. I need my husband to be alive and to be with me.
Everything else is gravy!
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Mr. B Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 12:13 pm
*untwists boxer briefs*
Mimi…my short answer to you is: Love Language. The thoughts above relate specifically to me and reflect my language: Words of Affirmation.
What that means (as I am sure you already know) is all the physical touching, gift giving, quality time spending or acts of service a woman can do will never resonate with me as much as her affirming my ‘relevance and capability’ not only in our relationship, but in life on a whole. No competition here, no one-upping, no insecurity or esteem issues…rather, when I am completely honest with myself, I’ve recognized that this is what I need to deeply sense her affection and love for me.
I’m not going to wade into Chapman’s book here, but it’s clear also (even from your maiden post), that you and your husband communicate through other languages (physical touch, quality time, maybe?) which would probably explain the statement: ‘I need my husband to be alive and be with me’.
But let’s face it: there are no pre-set manuals or quick fix remedies to make relationships work (or even commence for that matter). I believe that it fundamentally starts by first recognizing who you are as individual (a deep understanding, eh!), the things you require from that companion to make you feel ‘on top of the world’, communicating those needs and MOST importantly, realizing that you can’t love that person through your own language (a mistake I’ve often made) but rather, their unique dialect.
So let’s unpack this convo a tad more…add some more dimensions to it. Because the ‘He vs. She’ bit sounds, well, premenstrual…at best.
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Mr. B Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Don’t e-thumbs down and run…speak up! Official ‘Call-Out’…
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Supernova Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 2:04 pm
LOL!
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*DING DING DING DING*
Round two.
Aaaaah loooooove it!!!
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i can’t help it – I do have a vagina! LOL!
I like your term Love Language. And you are making dig deeper. Because what most ppl want, hubby and I have. But what is it? What is it really?
Its the sensing of the deep affection and love for each other – through so many things. So you’re right.
Sometimes women do the whole…I can do this for myself so therefore I don’t need you!
Big turn off I admit.
But looking at island girl again – i would think men would be challenged by a woman who pays her own way.
I think men need to be needed…but women do to.
As much as I walk around like a true baddest, if I didn’t thin hubby needed me…well I don’t know how I would feel.
So how would this affection be best communicated? Give me examples.
Ladies Brian preaching!
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Supernova Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 1:26 pm
this is better than the movies. What say ye’ Brian?
*salts popcorn*
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Did I inadvertently start an international incident?
Lol!
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Supernova Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 2:05 pm
errmm. it would seem so ent? I’m rolling on the floor.
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Well, I’ve adopted a more systematic approach to dating which has proven successful in situations involving both myself and others.
To elaborate – the recognizing of your individuality: Temperament evaluation is very useful. There are several quick on-line tests that can be performed (Links: http://www.ptypes.com/temperament_test.html and http://neoxenos.org/temperaments/temperament_test.htm). The four main categories most people fall into are: Choleric, Phlegmatic, Sanguine and Melancholic with dominant and secondary types noted. Once this has been identified, there is a wealth of information online that expands on the strengths, weaknesses, best-relationship type matches, and so on.
Now, one may argue, how is this info useful if I’m already in a relationship and with someone who is a ‘difficult-fit’. Well, at least you will be more aware of the things you do that can cause friction and if you encourage your partner to do the test as well, you will recognize and not take personal, their traits that would normally piss the hell out of you!
Armed with this knowledge, we move to – the things you require from your companion. Gary Chapman’s ‘The Five Love Languages’ is probably the best written guide on identification of love languages. Very succinct; easily identifiable patterns. After a read and simple exercise, you and/or your partner will be able to rank/order the five (5) languages and quickly see where the variances arise.
Communication of needs: following above, sharing time occurs (in the context of your temperament parameters – which defines HOW you say your expectations). This is really the make or break because some partners are more open to this dialogue than others. Tempers flare, emotions are crushed, accusations levied…it can turn quickly into hot mess! But you really have to cross this bridge in a non-formal, loving and mutually respective manner.
That’s it really. Obviously, you can’t come at someone two (2) weeks into meeting them and sit them down on a couch with a notepad. Neither can you be all waxed-legged and gleaming up in 51, trying to decipher the guy who’s come over to strike up a convo. But rather, I would say focus on understanding your temperament (and its limitations) and also the love language ranking. With a deep appreciation of these, you would find yourself better guided even on the dating circuit where you’ll chuckle instead of creasing-up yuh forehead when that person does or says something you always found puzzling or offensive. Knowledge truly is power and gives you seamless control of your actions, emotions and perspective.
And for the record, ladies, I’m a dominant Choleric (70%) with secondary Sanguine (18%) traits. My love languages in order of priority are: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gift-Giving.
What’s yours…?
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Brian! Really? That is too scientific for me and love is hard work as it is, for me to start working out percentiles in my head!
For the first few weeks/months of a relationship, both parties should be learning about each other. More in a “I like you better on top” way than a “I am 70% pyscho and 30% introvert” kinda way.
I remember the first year, we couldn’t take our hands off each other. Anytime, any place. Sure we talked. Sure we got to know each other. But there wasn’t any love language only body language! (yuh like that line ent Brian!”)
I will agree there are many scientific facets of love and relationships but it is certainly not cast in stone and all those theories and books…well I won’t say they are crap because I am open minded, but I will say that I not using no book to tell me how I should love.
Because I think that is dependant on who you are loving.
Example. I don’t like my condiments spread all over my food. I Iike them on the side so I can dip…in other words regulate the usage of said condiments while I am eating.
Now if David Beckham took me on a first date and squirted ketchup all over my KFC, I would be okay with it. Because he is easy on the eye and the sex that will ensue post-meal will make up for said mistake. Wait! Let me think about that for a minute!
Now when my husband did that 14 years ago, while I am VERY attracted to him, he ain’t no David Beckham and de whole ah Valsayn must be hear me cuss as we pull out de car park.
Your tolerance levels change depending on who and what you are dealing with.
I too have dabbled in fancy books and theories Brian. I want to bring your attention to a book entitled, Thriving In Mind by Dr. Kim Bezinger (spelling?).
She defines each cortex of the brain and what they control, stimulate and cause in terms of our behaviour. She also says that our behaviour is based on the dominance and preference in terms of which behaviour patterns we choose or demonstrate (again based on each cortex).
Because in truth and in fact, there are two YOUs. Who you are and who you want to be and these two people converge in the period of senescence.
One thing she was quick to point out is that the cortices do not connect diagonally so where one person who is dominated by the frontal left is dynamic, innovative, disorganized and extroverted (me) this person (especially in their younger years) is NOT organised, routined, punctual and pedantic as someone governed by their basal left cortex.
I could go on and on here. We are who we are. And we remain us even when we welcome someone into our lives. It is the adaptation of our Iives and the tolerance of this person for their dominance and preference that makes the partnership work. Hubby and I complement each other. Together we have all four cortices. But they weren’t there immediately. We grew together. A book cannot teach you to do that.
I also think physical touch should be first. Like the things that humans need for survival ie food, water, shelter, medicine…sex should be there.
I tired type.
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Mr. B Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Great perspective there Mimi…but all I hear screaming from you is ‘Physical Touch’..! …and that’s fine, but it’s not what makes us all tick
I am speaking mainly from experience here (clinical as it may be) and I’m very happy that your situation is as blissful as described, however, I know countless women who get tied up in the whole…WOW-ness of the build-up, they focus so much on the excitement, the sex, the physical, the splendour…without ever (first) knowing themselves much less their partners…then wake up 6 months, 1 year, down the road wondering who the f*ck they’re with, why they’re constantly arguing and why oh why did he beat out that dougla last night (or so you read from your girlfriend on bbm).
Whilst I agree books can’t teach you the HOW to…it does seem to me that even YOU have done your homework and internalized some of the learnings out there.
I’m not saying to follow these writings to the tee, BUT, for goodness sake, READ SOMETHING! We are who we are, yes…but some folks don’t even know where to begin.
Ok Ms. Alpha? Factor in the less forthright amongst us…
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Supernova Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Okay I think we’re well off a tangent here folks. I think what Island Girl was getting at in the article was how to deal with a guy as an alpha female. How to even get the right person – the Mr. Right (in your eyes), to overcome all your apparent ‘strengths’ and step to you – i.e. Step negative one. Waaay before the compatibility IN the relationship, way before the openness in a relationship, way before all the sexing… in the relationship. She’s not sexing anyone yet! lol. We ain’t reach that stage.
While I see where you’re coming from MiMi, I must admit that your situation does seem to be ideal, as in the anomaly here. You’ve been married for a while, you guys met when you were younger, had time to grow and really work on the relationship at your speed – You’ve had your issues yes, but it’s a WHOLE different ball game when you trying to deal with grown folk with a different iteration of issues.
So it’s now then, how do you find a guy who can deal with the fact that you can handle your own issues most of the time, but don’t necessarily want to all of the time. So as you said in the earlies Mimi, it’s all about being able to manage the guy’s insecurity PLUS ours. Seems like a tall order, one that requires a different approach I think. Maybe the problem is the type of guys that we always aim for?
As I said in a comment below I think it’s largely an alpha – alpha issue cause I don’t have that many issues with non-alpha, (abeit hot nuh rass), men stepping onto the scene. It’s the alpha ones that tend to get twisted and be all like ‘Ummm… can I get some attention over here please?’ in an attitude/ ignore kind of way. Well… step out and make yourself useful why not?
Brian – *exhale* Where do I start.
I’m not a psychologist or anything but it would seem that you’ve proven the point of the article exactly. I’m sure a guy like you, as accomplished and dashing as you are, would probably stay miles away from Island Girl. She’s hot and smart yes, but it’s not about that. It’s purely an incompatibility issue. – what you require, is not on her priority list to give to you.
Square peg. Round hole.
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My 2 cents?
I can see how all the above points are valid. In my opinion, it comes down to the two individuals involved, and I honestly believe it to be an ‘alpha’/'alpha’ issue.
Often we who are categorized as ‘alpha’ – males or females, pursue our mirror reflection… other ‘alphas’, which inevitably ends up as the being the wrong package for us, as it would appear that both the ‘alpha’ types have something that’s shown to be largely in common – the need to be shown emotion but the apparent difficulty in showing it ourselves to others, especially the ones that we have a weakness for.
The males stand back and have this need to be shown that they are ‘relevant’ – but this is by no way the alpha chick’s speed. Rather the alpha female’s stance is – well show that you are capable and your relevance would be automatic. Duh. So we both want something that the other finds very difficult to either articulate or demonstrate, but it doesn’t (always) mean that the desire to do so isn’t there.
So in that void, enter the ‘WTF! S/he serious? S/he CANNOT be talking to me’ candidates. Cause why? Not necessarily that the approach is wrong… but the package (that we sometimes expect) surely seems to be. Lots of cake but you can neither eat it nor do you wish to have it.
It’s a circular argument. Which is “ha ha” funny seeing that EVERYONE who responded here is an alpha
Clearly, love it or hate it, we may not always agree or may even be compatible, but we definitely run tings. I have the most powerful (& largely single) friends.
Moral of the story? Tweak the package you are looking for. Find your yin/ yang. Someone who’s not AS alpha as you are, but still hot, cause lets face it. These things matter to us alphas. Ha. Easy? No, cause we’re alphas and expect a lot of ourselves and the ones we associate with, but at the very least… it’s a start.
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Where is Island girl? Lol
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Supernova Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Hahaha! I was wondering the same thing. lol. She’s probably still trying to read through all the comments. took me a minute. You guys got into some heavy stuff there! Great feedback tho!
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PAGING: Island Girl & Camz !!!
Apologies on the hostile take-over…!
I welcome some continued dialouge and perspectives
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Brian I love yuh!
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Mr. B Reply:
September 21st, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Great minds
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why is it that women think it’s a competition still. The proof of a woman’s worth has been shown tenfold since the burning of bras. But there are things that women are built better for mentally, emotionally and physically. Society has become so engulfed buy the rat race and the pursuit of physical possessions that we have lost that caring nature which our parents and grandparents speak/spoke of.
Island girl you are right in not wanting to settle for the garbage man, the security guard and the bush. But what you see as a problem i see as society just turning the tables. There was a time when some women who couldn’t achieve anything else but marry a rich successful man. Now i think there are some men that can’t achieve anything more than a successful woman. and the attributes that were once attractive to most women, ie, confidence, ambition, drive, success have now become the attributes attracting some men, who can’t achieve more by themselves. So that in itself should be seen as a victory for woman kind.. yeah?
but nooooooooo.. Beyonce has every woman feeling she has to rule…(mind you if it wasn’t for Daddy and Jay Z her career would be mediocre at best, Kelly and Michelle sound way better). Instead of us existing symbiotically we are left competing. Thus raging the battle of the sexes. i thought we were fighting to be equals?
I think to some extent a man’s ego needs pumping up because though we may seem stunted emotionally we aren’t. And to feel like you are not even worth the drink you attempt to buy this beautiful woman in a bar (even though your success shows in your best cowboy boots) or the fact that you can throw 10 bags into the garbage truck at one(a feat i am sure was something worth fighting for in the days of the mammoth) may make that which we for centuries blessed with(dominance) disappear, and thus the best men tend toward the sexy, fake boobs, model-type woman instead of the upgrade with the ego.
Anyways, I have known many strong, independent women in my life and they all need(ed), at some point and to some extent, a man in their lives, even if he came powered by 2 double A’s.
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Wow, wow, wow! people, allyuh forget i have a job! Plus I went to the gym! But love all the feedback – I would never have thought that my midnight musings would create such healthy debate – love it!
Brian – i am curious as to why this particular piece made you so…passionate! I think everyone of us will have a different opinion. The women of course seem to see things from my perspective for the most part.
I know i have to work on a lot of things. I am a perfectionist, idealist, control freak with a twisted romantic streak…more of that later. But I cannot believe that women must adjust and build up men. I find it unbalanced. Women have always followed men – it is rare for me to hear about a man who will pack up and follow a woman to another country if the job takes her there. In fact, the woman might turn down the job (and I have seen it for myself).
I love men -do not get me wrong. I would not be fussing about not having one for myself if i did not. But I think I deserve someone who can accept me and all my idiosyncrasies. We cannot rely on personality tests and compatibility tests…it’s like relying on horoscopes! (more of that later too!)
Guys: this is clearly a woman v man kind of thing. But remember, Adam did not want to eat the apple eh? Eve persisted and badgered the man into submission. A lesson maybe? We’ll see what happens!
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Mr. B Reply:
September 22nd, 2010 at 12:03 am
..and we’re (all) still paying for that error! Lesson learnt.
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The fact is that we have to who we are first before we can became a half of a whole.
All relationships are a push and pull and as long as the other person isn’t disrespecting you, cheating on you or beating on you – everything else is tolerable. IT IS!
It is just we choose not to tolerate it.
We also need to understand that sometimes actions are really reactions and we can’t always hold our hands up and say that its the other person’s fault. Accountability is key.
Choice of words as well. Man or woman – we know what to say to get someone’s back on the wall.
All in all, the “what’s in it for me” is always there. We do anything in life for selfish reasons and if you’re not living that way – you need to start.
If I only have a dollar in my pocket and hubby or the boy asks me for it, I don’t give it to them because I SHOULD but rather because I want to.
Mimi does as she wants, not as she’s told
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wow! i’ve been silently watching and reading and i have to say. I read the article. Island girl you are repping Trini nicely. I agree with all the ladies here… except for the one little thing. Why is it always the fight to see who gets on top? I believe that successful tho we women are and can be, that we have a place in this world, as do the men. I can fix my toilet as well, and usually if there is anything at home that needs to be fixed I am the one they call… seeing as we have no male counterparts to help us with anything. And if a man should see fit to run away from this self sufficiency then I thank god that i didn’t meet him sooner. Because mimi – i am sure that within the confines of your relationship, being the resilient, successful woman that you are – you still call your husband to fix the leak even tho you can… correct? and if a man should choose a women who is not his partner but someone who he considers his lesser, then good for him right? I hope he’s happy. you see everyone wants to be needed. myself included. but i’ll be damned if i’ll settle for less just so i can make my man feel like *ROAR*…
As for Brian. …..
Hmm.
fwd eva.
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Honey in my house, the leak – I have to fix it. HAHAHAHA! Hubby always watches me and says “And yuh feel yuh bad! Fix it!”
He gets great pleasure out of doing that.
I then pay someone to come do it! HAHAHAHA!!!
Its like weave – its your hair cause you paid for it.
Well I fixed it cause I paid to have it fixed!
xx
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