Russian Roulette
Friday, September 24th, 2010
Further to my previous post, “Breakin’ it down | Real vs. Pseudo Alpha Males” here’s my best take on the female equivalent, from the Posers to DIVAs, and all in between. Perhaps after this the ladies will appreciate the difficulties that eligible men encounter, in trying to find a suitable partner. If you disagree, I dare you to counter.
A synopsis of the previous article, I discussed the different types of males, determined that there were loosely three types; The Real Alpha Males (RAM), The Follower and the Pseudo Alpha Male (PAM), after which I concluded that the preferable male for the serious minded, mature, intelligent professional women was in fact the RAM.
So my classes of women that I’ve observed follow:
1. The Paper Dolls
- Can be seen ‘posing’ in the club in the latest gear including the inevitable blackberry, which she is using to text her BFFs who are also in the same party (Duh. Why?).
- Can be loosely defined, personality wise, as shallow and a pack follower.
- Has no independent thought, must go to the bathroom in packs of four or more. Usually younger females, aged 18-23. Not a very good prospect for a RAM, unless he wants all his business out in the road via BBM. Relationships, if they can be so defined, are very fleeting with these specimens.
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2. The Posers
Actually a hybrid of the Paper Dolls, and may have the same age overlap (18-26), they just tend to be a little more mature.
- Not as dependent on the BBM.
- Can operate under her own steam, but tends to use men as trophies – nice car, new threads, baddest phone, plenty bling – you get it. In short, she is attracted to only PAMs until she morphs further up the female ladder. After she morphs though, does a RAM really want to interact with her?
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3. Gold Diggers
The most difficult to identify of all the classes of females being discussed here, this specimen will appear to be genuine to the unsuspecting RAM.
- Appears not to have any BFFs (what woman do you know doesn’t have a BFF though?), can move on her own steam, and gives off the vibe of an independent woman. One example of this would be no ‘group’ bathroom breaks.
- She’s well mannered, put together to a tee, fashionable without a doubt, very chic, yet not over the top like De’ Bad Ting‘ (see below).
This is usually how she catches her prey. Deceipt, “come into my web, said the spider to the fly“, and then pounce. Before you know it the RAM will probably be down quite a few stacks in one fell swoop, then she will be onto the next victim.
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4. De Bad Ting’
Pressure with this one due to certain skills, or so I’ve been told. Skills that the ordinary female does not possess.
- Generally are not found in the bourgeois environment. Additionally, PAMs have been known to cultivate one or two in addition to their bourgeois PIM (professional, intelligent mature) women.
This female adds nothing to the RAM or PAM except for the purported ‘additional skills’ which are not in the scope of this article.
NB: Two (2) Bad Tings’ in one area, interacting with the same RAM or PAM will be cause for serious drama.
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5. The Jaggabat
De’ Bad Ting’ squared.
Boy if I have to explain that one for you, Wow. With that in mind, we’ll leave it as… “De’ Bad Ting squared”.
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6. The DIVA
All hail the Diva, “You shall kowtow before me. I am the centre of the universe – yours and mine. Begone before me“.
As said with that opening statement, you are expected to wait hand and foot on the Diva, her needs/wants supersede everyone else.
And finally…
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7. The Professional, Intelligent Mature Women (PIM)
Definitely the cream of the crop for the RAM, PAM and The Follower alike. She is independent and trusting. Read: No:
- “who she?” (How do you know her… again?)
- “wha’ she name?” (Why haven’t I heard her name before? You guys seem awfully chummy for her to be a newcomer)
- “why you talkin’ to she?” (I’m not understanding her relevance. Care to explain?)
These ladies are caring, friendly, and generally a complement to any RAM who is blessed to be in a relationship with her (if she is in a relationship with a PAM, that’s self destructive. See previous article.
So there you have it, a broad look of the many different versions of the female homo-sapien that can be covered in this very concise article. Count them, SEVEN (7) different types of ladies to interact with. Think that’s bad?
Let me complicate this even more.
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Males are generally set in their ways once a RAM, PAM or The Follower, always a RAM, PAM or The Follower. Women however, like the beautiful butterflies that they can be compared to, can morph into variations of the 7 different versions. Hybrids.
Do you see how difficult that can be for us men to deal with? We can actually encounter a female who is a Poser with DIVA tendencies….PRESSURE. Or what about a Paper Doll with a Gold Digger finish? My head hurts with all the combinations….ARRGH…!!!!
Here’s more, look at this scenario:
- Female A is a Poser she hookups with one or more PAMs, which causes her to become very jaded when looking at men in general. She morphs beautifully into a PIM. What chance does a RAM have in this situation? Does he have to pay for the misdeeds of the PAMs before him…? Is it his fault that PAMs are A-holes? See he’s starting, thru no fault of his own, last in the race. Tough break.
In closing, I would encourage women to not write-off (you know you do) guys who come up to talk to you, normally with no sexual connotations.
Sure, you may have no idea what type of man he may be (roughly 3 to pick from), but he has no clue whatsoever where on the female evolutionary cycle or what permutation/combination of the aforementioned cycle you may be at. Geeze. GIVE HIM A CHANCE. Talk to him first before you give him the X. He may be your RAM.
**Disclaimer**: Please note that any age groups proposed here for each female class are not hard and fast, they can vary. It is possible to have a 22 year old PIM, or a 30 year old Paper Doll.
Vox out.
Photo: Roland Darby / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Whole weekend and nobody comment on this!!! Vox boy…like yuh shut everybody up or unlike me, ppl have a social life!
HAHAHA!
As a 33 year old woman, I can safely say that I am all 7 – in different does depending on the day!!!
MiMi the Paper Doll!
I like nice things. I like nice things because I work hard. To some it may come across that I am posing – BUT – just because you notice my Louis Vuitton on my arm because you got your handbag from Colsort Mall, isn’t my problem. And I am addicted to whatever Telecommunications device I happen to own at the time. Text messaging is a very efficient way to communicate with people while at an event. Saves me walking over, interuppting a conversation that my friend is having, telling a secret which is rude and then going back to my original spot.
Am I shallow? Sometimes. It makes me more approachable. If I were to leverage my high IQ, I would be unapproachable at the best of times. I scare stupid people with my extensive knowledge of…well…everything.
I LOVE going to the bathroom with my girlies. Great opportunity to catch up on how thigns are going. Many of my friends have different objectives when they go out and the group bathroom run is a way for us to not only urinate, freshen up but have a giggle in the privacy of our domain.
MiMi the Poser.
Ok I may not be much of a poser but I do have posing tendencies. And while I am married, I appreciate a man who can dress wel, has the nice car etc etc. I was attracted to the same things in hubby. Granted that was 15 years ago when a Sunny was bling and having $100 on yuh phone card was BIG, but you get my point! HAHAHAHA!!!
MiMi the Goldigger
All women want security and sometimes other women threten the opportunity to achieve said security. Signs tha a man can provide these things (whether short or long term) are nice car, nice clothes, nice phone etc. Who else is she supposed to know? Ask you for your bank statement on the first date?
When I want something from my hubby – I know exactly how to get it. I dig until I find gold. LOL!!!
MiMi de Bad Ting!
Well this is me….I bad. I cussing wind in de road, in front yuh office – me eh cater. Don’t push meh buttons. Most of my friends come to me when they are angered by something or someone because they know I will be like, “WHA?!?!?!? Better you than me!” I was born in a bourgeous environment but hung out with the not so bourgrious and learned these skills – skills that I will treasure for life.
MiMi the Jaggabat
Married the man that I met when I was 18 and with only three notches on my belt, many may not consider me a JaggaBat.
A fly on the wall in my bedroom will beg to differ.
MiMi the Diva
I am a diva – all day long. Deal with it. I am good at all the things I do and have therefore earned Primadonna status.
MiMi the PIM
I am professional. I am independant. I am mature…well sometimes!
So that’s the seven – but I think you forgot one.
The Matriach
The woman who wants to take care of you, tell you what to wear, mother you. That’s MiMi too.
The key to amtersing all these types of women – whether they exist as one of many in one is as simple as….
You don’t think I am going to tell you, do you????
Mimi out.
[Reply]
See what I mean..!!! Brilliant discourse Mimi ! Love it..! But it just puts the last nail in the coffin. What’s a guy to do…? How can he possibly keep up with the changes ? It’s so confusing
And, really, thanks for leaving us hanging eh…!!!!
PEACE….!
[Reply]