I Dream of California King

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When I first came to GC, one of the things I mentioned is that I was looking to make a move out from the parental home.  Well y’all, as my American cousins would say, this thing called apartment hunting in this island just plain sucks!

First of all, everyone is asking for rent in US dollars.

What de A-double snakes is that! I live on an island and work for island dollars.

US dollars you say?  Where do I begin?

I guess from the beginning.

I hooked up with a real estate friend of mine.  She is a sweet thing; a mother of two grown kids who still live with her, so she is confused as to why I want to rent.  After I explained my need to have my own space, turn my own key and have my own kitchen (my most fervent desire), she nodded and we opened the conversation and the search for Island Girl’s new ‘Island’.

When I told her my budget, she almost fainted from laughter, but said she would try and find some decent places. I have a few demands. One or two bedrooms, clean, safe, preferably furnished, preferably northwest. So my informal ‘real estate’ agent got together a few properties and our month-long adventure began. We saw about eight places. Four stood out to me.  Indulge me.

Property One:

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Before we viewed, she let me know that property one was not all to spec – a fixer-upper of sorts. I followed her to Prop One. Jesus Christ!  The moment I saw the warped kitchen counters I wanted to cry. Iron furniture that clearly dated back to that time devoid of some style, aka the seventies, was styling in the kitchen. The cupboards needed a lot of work.  I could hear the termites planning the three-course dinner.

As we moved to the cubbyhole, sorry, the bedroom, I was ready to run. The bathroom…there is nothing to say but hell no!  Anyone who knows me can tell you my face is an open book.  You can read my hurt, my anger, my joy and my disgust! She read the latter.  She quickly ushered me out of the apartment and we were off again. It was in my budget though.  My heart sank.

Property Four:

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Properties Two and Three were okay, locations sucked though. She called to tell me Prop Four was a bit beyond the budget, but it was negotiable.  Beautiful view, access to a swimming pool, new furnishings, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a garden, a gated community. Can we say excited? I watched the clock tick that day at work and at four on the dot – I was out the door.

The drive up was full of promise and hope. It did not disappoint, initially. Beautiful. well-appointed rooms, stainless steel appliances, granite countertops; from heaven. The master bedroom – can we say  –  a view of the pool. I could not ask for more.  I was frothing from the mouth by the time I saw the bathroom, all white and shiny! And then, the rug was pulled out from under me.  Negotiable price out the door.  A lot of people are looking at this and are willing to pay more! The tears were in my eyes as I was led out from what could have possibly been my dream apartment.

Property Six:

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Property Five was okay, but the bug ambling along the kitchen counter caught my attention before the owner could sweep him away.  I made a tack back to the car while my lady dealt with the owner.  So Property Six came along.  A guy working in New York was renting and he had it in the newspaper.  I decided to contact him.

Sounded decent, one bedroom studio in the right area. He sounded excited too! Told me he would have his uncle take pictures so I could see it and then I could come up and take a closer look.  Sure! Fine! Great! Oh boy.

What came to me was, well to put it nicely, was, well… not what I was looking for.  Dark panelling facing a wall painted with a mermaid – yes that is what I said. A bathroom that looked like a relic of the seventies (what is it with seventies?) It was just not what I was looking for.

So I kindly noted to the owner that it was much more masculine than I had anticipated and wished him luck in finding a tenant.  What happened next was surprising.  The man sent me an email, in caps, telling me essentially why did I bother to waste his time,

” …A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN THE PLACE!”

“Excuse me!” I wanted to write back, but I just lost his email and thought, okay, classifieds, not for me!

Property Eight:

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Property Seven was interesting. Drove along the longest road ever, looking for the apartments.  Saw a lot of young men hanging out at the corner, pants below bottom, CKs out, and the requisite gold teeth.  The smell of reefer hit me like a whammy! Hell no.

My lady told me that Property Eight was well out of my budget, but she wanted me to see it.  Boy did I see it. Gorgeous, beautiful. Rent quoted in US of course. Kitchen out of Home and Gardens. I was drooling, touching the appliances with a reverence one usually reserves for Saints. She told me to lay on the California King bed.  Oh God! I was in having a mini org by that time. Real estate heaven!  The owners were in Azerbijan or Uzbekistan or one of those. The pool glistening, the birds in the garden singing. I saw me and ‘my guy’ having breakfast in the nook. I saw us swimming in the pool, enjoying the pleasures of a sunken bubble bath together.

The boom of thunder awakened me. No way! Not right now! My lady telling me I needed to get a man to pay for all this.  Why does it always have to come back to that! I left depressed on a rainy Sunday.

Will I ever be able to move?  Will I find anything? People are telling me get a starter. It does not have to be a dream. I know, logically I know this.  But that dream I had of awakening on a Sunday morning and rolling on my California King and connecting with a warm body; breakfast in the nook, nookie in the nook…I am so frustrated! I should have never gone to that apartment.

But my lady continues.   She has a new crop of things for me to see come November. So I take my California King fantasy with a dose of reality and will begin the search again.

Real estate is a ridiculous business.  I am hearing things are going to go down soon.  Crossing fingers, toes, eyes and hairs!  I know I have to move out.  And I know there is some place out there for me. I guess I just have to keep searching.

But for now….on to other things!

This Mix is Freakin’Fabulous | Ep. 10

Mondays never sounded so good | Press Play and cut a rug.

Track Listing.

• ERYKAH BADU – BAG LADY (KOLD FUSION RMX)
• ALICIA KEYS – TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART
• THE DREAM – ROCKIN THAT THANG
• MARIAH CAREY – TOUCH MY BODY
• T.I. – LIVE YOU LIFE FT. RIHANNA
• DESTINY’S CHILD – SURVIVOR (KOLD FUSION RMX)
• RICH BOY – THROW SOME D’S
• SWEET SABLE – OLE TIME’S SAKE
• SNOOP DOGG – THAT’S THAT FT. R.KELLY
• KERI HILSON – TURNIN ME ON
• KERI HILSON – KNOCK YOU DOWN
• RICK ROSS – ASTON MARTIN MUSIC FT. DRAKE AND CHISETTE MICHELE
• AALIYAH – IF YOUR GIRL ONLY KNEW (KOLD FUSION RMX)
• OASIS – WONDERWALL (KOLD FUSION RMX)
• KANYE WEST – RUNAWAY
• ALICIA KEYS – UN-THINKABLE

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DJ Kold Fusion for glamitycalamity.com

Dominatrix and Dollar Store Hooker Steez

Boo.

Two blinks and it’s halloween y’alls. That special time of the year where people who don’t have the “good fortune”, (whatever it takes, be it finances, circumstances, or just plain “no-clue”) to experience Trinidad Carnival, a celebration that’s dubbed the greatest show on earth, “let loose” and let their fantasies flow.

Now… some fantasies should be lived out and some should just be imagined. Really.

Issue at hand

Choosing a costume.

As usual, guys are normally covered, pun intended. Their costumes tend to be funny, original, thought provoking and even if it’s boring its usually, just that… “boring”. Not “obscene” or cause grievous visual harm to the casual unlooker.

My fellow X-X chromosomes? Wow. Another story altogether.

Ladies, let’s try to keep it together this rounds okay?.

For starters, not everyone was meant to be a Dominatrix or French Maid. Or better fete, a whore. At least we aren’t meant to walk the streets in that get up. If you have bills to pay sure, I’m not judging, but I’m saying. To walk around looking cheap[er] than you already are just for kicks and giggles? I mean, really. What’s the motivation?

I’ve overheard acquaintances and frenemies alike speak of their costumes and it just sounded like a broken record. Granted I’ve never really done the Halloween partying thing though, so .. maybe you have to be there to understand the appeal of going out of your way to just look like the cheapest, trashiest, hooker on a dime, but… I don’t get it. I understand that we’re going for the ‘Sexy‘ look, but ‘Sexy‘ and ‘Cheap‘ aren’t synonyms yo. I never, ever get it, but then again, I’m never, ever in the majority.

The dollar store isn’t a destination my lovelies.

One or two picks from there but not head to toe.

“Goooooooosh” (furnished with a Hills accent).

How about Grecian Goddess?

Sounds like a stretch I know. But is it? Not as half as trashy looking and a kazillion times more attractive than a dollar store ‘hoe. Even better, any size can organize a lil sum’n sum’n and look on point in that.

Real life or fantasy, never underestimate the power of dressing your size, and your ambition. That never goes out of style. Just because you’re a closet freak does it mean that you have to put your alter-ego on display come October’s end. Because guess what? You’ll no longer be a closest freak, you’ll just be a cheap trick in denial the morning after.

The draped fabrics. long or mini. Your choice. Leather bands with the feathers in the hair. Drop waist beaded dresses with the sequined head bands a la the early 20s singers. A long cigarette holder in your hand with a long glove, and a beautiful fan in the other.

Create the fantasy dammit. Drag it on. Get fabulously chic.

We’re grown for Goodness sake. Not much of a longing fantasy is created with a dominatrix costume.

If you need to parade in high heels and a dress with your butt cheeks and mammaries hanging out to feel sexy, then that’s sends a blinding red-light to signal that you just might have some deep, deep rooted issues which altogether spell ‘I-N-S-E-C-U-R-E’ and ‘D-R-A-M-A-_-R-I-D-D-L-E-D’. Either that or your play-date life isn’t as half as exciting as you’d like everyone to believe that it is. Either way your business, just like your mammaries, is in the road.

As I was discussing with one of my man friends the other day, the biggest freaks in the party will never be seen dancing on the club tables.

Underglow freaks ahead; Keep the pilot light on.

We know our moves. We ain’t got *ish to prove, cause trust that everyone who’s experienced it ain’t complainin’. That’s half the reason why our business isn’t in the damn road cause nobody want to mess THAT link up. No advertisement necessary. The right people know exactly where to find it. Hellleeeeer!

So get it right.

Dressing like a $2 hooker only makes you look like a freebie. Halloween or no Halloween.

Get Grown. Stay Sexy.

b Freakin’Fabulous

Photo: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Mix is Freakin’Fabulous | Ep. 9

Mondays never sounded so good. | Press play and cut a rug.

Track List

1. NE-YO – CHAMPAGNE LIFE
2. JIMMY COZIER – SHE’S ALL I GOT
3. THE NEW KINGSTON BAND – PON DE WALL (KOLD FUSION RMX)
4. LENNY KRAVITZ – STORM (RMX)
5. GINUWINE – WHEN DOVES CRY
6. MARY J. BLIGE – REAL LOVE (KOLD FUSION RMX)
7. DIDDY – LOVE COME DOWN FT. DIRTY MONEY
8. KEYSHIA COLE – LE IT GO FT. MISSY ELLIOTT
9. FAITH EVANS – FAITHFULLY
10. USHER – U DON’T HAVE TO CALL (KOLD FUSION RMX)
11. FAITH EVANS – GOIN’ OUT
12. TROOP – SPREAD MY WINGS
13. SOUL II SOUL – BACK TO LIFE
14. BOBBY BROWN – DON’T BE CRUEL
15. JAY-Z – I JUST WANNA LOVE YOU (KOLD FUSION RMX)
16. COLOR ME BADD – I WANNA SEX YOU UP
17. THE BOYS – DIAL MY HEART
18. LLOYD – YOU
19. MIGUEL – ALL I WANT IS YOU FT. J. COLE
20. NATASHA BEDINGFIELD – THESE WORDS (DWELE REMIX)

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Winter Prep

Season’s change, yet it all stays the same. Well, you have the same skin at any rate.

Still, a change in climate is one of the biggest stressors to your skin, so it helps if you prep it to deal with the extreme shift in temperature that it will have to face head on. No double pun intended.

One of the best things that you can do to prep your skin for winter is:

1. SWITCH YOUR MOISTURIZER

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Or in some cases, USE one. And yes, everyone has to use one. Oily skin and all, we’ve covered this here.

One of the many challenges with the harsh winter climate is the immense dehydration in skin that can occur.

Dry Skin Types

In addition to the fact that this skin type is prone to dehydration, it also naturally lacks oil, a situation that can become more chronic during the winter months, which can result in excessively tight, uncomfortably flakey skin. To effectively deal with this, Switch your lightweight moisturizer to a thicker, heavier one. Perhaps opting for a cream consistency rather than a lotion or fluid. Bring on the overnight serums, complexes or other nutrient/ hydration boosters to counteract the harsh, sometimes stripping effects of the winter wind chill.

Oily Skin Types

Oily skinners argue that they already produce so much oil that a moisturizer is the last thing they need. Well, for sure oil is probably the last thing you need, but everyone needs water. Even oily skin can be dehydrated. Seek out and find yourself a humectant moisturizer – a fluid like (read ‘watery’, easy flowing consistency), one with water, or even better, ingredients such as Hyaluronic acid or Sodium PCA as one of it’s first/ first few ingredients.

If you are oil prone, stay away from any product that contains any sort of oils/ oil based substance in it – Olive oil, shea butter, cocoa butter, jojoba oil, or worse, mineral oil.

Sensitized Skin Conditions

Whether your skin is dry, oily, normal or in between, silicones are your best friend if you experience sensitivity on your skin. They are non-irritating, and are fantastically capable of protecting against water evaporation from the skin, while at the same time allowing the skin to breathe – a property that petroleum, and mineral oil products are unable to claim, as they are considered highly comedogenic (blocks/ clogs pores). Cyclomethicone and Dimethicone are common silicone ingredients… generally any ingredient that ends in ‘cone’ is an ingredient to look for.

Other calming ingredients that help are oatmeal, lavender, cucumber and chamomile, anti-inflammatory ingredients such as lavender and chamomile also help.

2. EXFOLIATE

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Regardless of your skin type, exfoliation is an excellent way of ridding your skin of dead skin cells to reveal fresh, new, skin cells that are more … well… alive and have a greater fluid content.

Therefore the process of exfoliation results in two things:

1. Ridding your skin of excess, dead skin cells
2. Hydrating skin

Now, let me say here that rather than the amateur-league, morning cleansing scrub (especially if your skin is sensitized)  opt for chemical exfoliation  - AHA/ BHA (lactic acid/  salicylic acid based), or enzymatic exfoliants, rather than manual exfoliation by micro-scrubbing beads – So teenager. [For the difference between chemical and manual exfoliation, see post Smooth Criminal]

Let’s get into Grown ‘n Sexy proper tings.

For my non-temperate country dealers, exfoliation is also a step that you’d want to up the ante, starting now  so that you can prep your skin for the holiday season. Be it swanky shindigs, corporate appearances, family gatherings or ish you only attend for the free food – You don’t want to wait for the week before an event to start a professional exfoliation for obvious reasons.

1. God forbid, you have an adverse reaction to the procedure.

This mess would be neither sexy, nor desirable.

Whether it is microdermabrasion, chemical peels or enzymatic peels… no-one wants to show up with welts on their skin to the biggest shindig of the year.

2. It takes 28 days on average for your skin to regenerate itself – longer if you are over the age of 25. [See Anti-aging Tip #5]

Stats don’t lie. I see the average age of you peeps who read GC and I know we’re all well over 25 *cough* so take heed. You would want to take on the process of skin rejuvenation – either by professional exfoliation skin treatments and/ or change in diet/ lifestyle well before a month prior. Just like your nutrition, or lack thereof, with the reasoning that you did ish all whole year about your skin’s health, you will need three months minimum prep for your skin to even start to see some sort of change that you can write to home about.

So, let’s get to it. Exfoliate.

b Freakin’Fabulous

VICE – What’s yours?

VICE

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The anti-virtue.

Good ole’ wikipedia states that Vice is a practice or habit that is considered immoral, depraved, and/ or degrading in the associated society. Pride or vanity, covetousness or greed, lust, wrath or anger, gluttony, envy or jealousy, sloth or laziness are just some of the things that are conventionally thought of as vices.

In more minor usage however, it can refer to a fault, a defect, or merely a bad habit.

A bad habit.

Large or small, embarrassing or not, who doesn’t have one of those?

So you have a bad habit.

We all do.

Freakin’Fantastic.

Lets mingle.

Friday October 15, 2010

DAZZLING LOUNGE

293 King Street West, Toronto

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VICE

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What’s Yours?

WHAT’S YOURS?

The Frog Prince | Is that YO’ man?

Sitting in a car stuck in traffic, my attention is caught by a small, but noticeable brawl happening in the car next to me. The driver of the car was being verbally whipped by his female companion.

Chick: “Wa yuh watching she so for eh!?“

Dude: “Baby, I wasn watching nobody.”

Chick: “Yes! ah see yuh! yuh was watching that skinny Bi-atch. Yuh fine she nice, eh?”

Two slap pelt.

Chick: “Eh? eh? whey she is? lemme firetruck she up.”

I have to admit the ish was funny, I mean who doesn’t like a little gridlock drama to break up the monotony of the red-light that will not turn.

But  when their car pulled up level with mine and she started cursing ME? Well that was a different set of laughter altogether. Why was she angry with me? What did I do? Driving off, the last I saw, chick was jumping out the car to get over to the driver’s side.

I didn’t think about it much, until I was forced to remember the episode when I was at dinner later that same week.

Now, first things first, you know this diva. She don’t leave her house looking like no VIT [Vagrant in Training]. Skinny Jeans, nice shirt and, since I really liked the fella who was taking me out, he was worthy of me bringing out the big guns –  SLAMMIN’ heels.

Oblivious to anyone other than my my date, I take my seat, and the night begins on a lovely note.

Enter twenty minutes, and I become conscious of not one but two pairs of eyes glaring at me. Two ladies, both on their own dates, are giving me LEVEL cut eye. They’re strangers to one another and they are unaware of each other, but from my vantage point I can see that this is not going to turn out well if I am not careful. Simply because, try as they hard as they could, their male counterparts are trying not to look as if they are looking at me, and one idiot just gave up the fight and stared at me without any thought for his companion.

Now, please do not think that I am standing on a corner toot-toot-tooting on my little rusty horn. I am by no means a pagent queen, and would be the first to tell you that I ain’t no exotic beauty. I should have known that those shoes would have that kind of effect on men. They were my CFMs/ FMPs, [if you are unsure about what THAT is click here] and NO MAN can resist.

But I get away from my topic.

I am wondering why it is that we ladies are quick to attack another woman, an innocent woman, just because she exists, when the problem is clearly the fault of the toads we sometimes try to turn into princes?

How is it my fault that their MAN (temporary or not) does not respect them. I have been there too, sitting in the front seat of a car and my companion is distracted by a pair of long legs or a buxom beauty. Out comes the tongue, looney tunes style, eyes bug out on springs, and the hearts fly above the ears. The brave ones (or the stupid ones – you pick) may even go so far as to say:

“Pssst, O lord gyal, yuh sexy too bad! MMM! Ah HONG-gry!“

If I am out on a date, or its my BF, then I find some way to politely remind him that I am still breathing beside him, and then I either let this disaster take its course and remind myself that I am quite capable of taking a taxi, head for the hills, never again to return.

Ladies: Life Lesson # 456.

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Never tolerate your date/boyfriend disrespecting you in any way whatsoever.

Take into consideration, however, that if he takes a peep, without hurting your feelings. He’s trying. After all he ain’t dead or blind. But at least he has taken into consideration that you are there beside him and he is  aware that you have feelings. Never make a scene. You are just opening the door for him to disrespect you some more. Possibly to give his card to the lady he was oogling when you leave to go to the bathroom, having just written you off as drama he could do without.

And, # 678,

Never EVER blame the other woman.

Unless she sashays brazenly over to the table where you are sitting enjoying your meal, looking at each other all googly-eyed, drinking your champagne, all arms curled, you know honeymoon style, Unless she offers her self to him and makes and holds eye contact with your stallion, inviting him to mount, Unless she takes out her boob and flings it at him thereby catching and keeping his attention, you need to be taking out whatever vexation you have on your man.

Rinse and Repeat.

YOU accepted the responsibility of training a toddler, didn’t you?

You, my friend, are the one who chose this poor excuse for a human being, and let him share the divine castle that is your life. You saw the signs; you know how he do. What you fretting with the innocent for?

In fact, I’d even go so far as to say: It’s YOUR issue. Take it up with yourself.

Because you are the one who is sending the message that you are not worthy of being treated like the ‘princess’ that you obviously think you are. Wake up! If you have kissed this frog a thousand times and he still doesn’t go POOF! and turn into the handsome, gallant prince – smoke, mice and footman included – see him for what he is, a toad, gather him up, and take him back to the sewer where you found him. *splish!* He’s home now, and believe me he’s happy.

But if you keep him *smile* and he treats you the only way he knows how being a toad from the sewer, i.e. like ish, then who’s fault is that? The hot W.O.W. wearing the killer heels, sitting with her own Prince, who incidentally is not looking anywhere else but at her object of affection, who couldn’t be bothered with the chicken heads.

“No ma’am sorry but I don’t feel like chicken today. How about a rump roast, medium rare, sauce on the side please and thank you.”

And resumes staring lovingly at his companion? My fault? NOOOO. Its YOUR fault baby, for not reading GC more often, and applying the tips we share every damn day for cleaning out your closet.

Trust me, these dramatic displays of emotion never do anything but paint you as the needy, emotionally unbalanced, grasping, human being you are, [or are not].

Try this instead:

In carefully modulated tones, and with the sweetest smile that you can conjure up on your face, say:

“Um, hey hun – are you about to go give her your number? Cause if you are, let me give her for you. I was just thinking that you two would make a lovely couple. She is so your type.

Sooo…  Should we order now?”

And then make a mental note to call your friend when you get to the ladies, and see if they still wanna hit the club after this dinner is over, cause if homeboy don’t realize that you are Fabulously Fierce, then he deserves to be left behind, sitting next to his sewer waiting for his next victim to come along and mistake him for a Frog Prince.

Let someone else handle that mess.

Forward ever.

This Mix is Freakin’Fabulous | Ep. 8

Mondays never sounded so good | Press play and cut a rug.

Track Listing

1. SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA – ONE (YOUR NAME) FT. PHARRELL WILLIAMS
2. FAR EAST MOVEMENT – LIKE A G6
3. SOULJA BOY TELL EM – PRETTY BOY SWAG
4. CLINTON SPARKS – FAVOURITE DJ FT. DJ CLASS & JERMAINE DUPRI
5. KID CUDI – PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS (AOKI RMX)
6. DRAKE – MONEY TO BLOW (KOLD FUSION RMX)
7. BLACK POINT – WATAGATAPITUSBERRY FT. PITBULL & METAFISIX
8. STEVE AOKI – I’M IN THE HOUSE FT. SUPER BLAHQ
9. DAFT PUNK – PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR (KOLD FUSION RMX)
10. YOLANDA BE COOL & DCUP – WE NO SPEAK AMERICANO
11. STARDUST – MUSIC SOUNDS BETTER WITH YOU
12. DISCOTECH – MUSIC SOUNDS BETTER WITH YOU
13. CEE-LO – FU*K YOU (LE CASTLE VANIA RMX)
14. INOJ – TIME AFTER TIME
15. T-PAIN – CHOPPED AND SCREWED (B’MORE RMX)

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Club Bangers & Dope Beats

Peep the vid to the track “Future Soundz” – GSUS ft Captain Hooks, PTRJON, Ivana Santilli, Curtis Santiago, CYLENZ, produced by Austin “WATTS, off The GSUS Affair Compilation CD.

Wicked ‘n bad.

Check it.

Director: Patrick Hepburn
Co-director: Shawn Haynes
Producer: Madi Styles
D.O.P: Justin Beatti

**Peep the beta version of the new GSUS Canada website here.**

Read GSUS’ notes [Blog] | Stalk GSUS [Facebook] | Become a disciple [gsus sindustries®]

Keep discovering. www.g-sus.ca

Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

I have always felt that in order for one to achieve true happiness, one must follow one’s life path, while stepping on the least  number of toes possible, or causing hurt to anyone around you otherwise.

I have been privy to many ideas and notions of what makes a man, a man. The alpha male. The good man. The elusive one as I like to call it.

There is the physical attribute bit – tall, easy on the eye, strong shoulders, shoulders straight not rounded, generally fit … My  ideal man does have a resemblance to a certain shape-shifting wolf, in a certain series of sunsetting of movies…

Back to the point at hand, there are lots of ideas of what a real man should look  like, and how he should act. I overheard an idea this week, which spoke of men as powerful creatures,  who ruled the world with just a hint of a smile and charisma, with firmness, and of course people follow him every where like slaves, or mice stumbling after the pied piper.

The true male – at least by society’s standards – is without fault, and without failure.

Hmm. Good luck with that.

I find that hard to believe. In fact I will go so far as to say the Alpha male, as was just described, does not exist.

I’ve had a lot of interaction with the male species of human being, but first let me give you some insight into who I am as a woman.

I am not lacking in intelligence. I am not in the habit of allowing situations that occur in and around my personal space to colour my feelings – ( that all men are horrid, horrid creatures), though I will admit to having used it at one point or another,  in a natural fit of rage, for example when the child’s father insists on not purchasing the stuff for the child like he said he would.

In my experiences, it would appear that men can swing either which way when it comes to being a good or bad one. But this isn’t limited to only men – each person has the potential to become either the best that they can be, or the worst  being mankind has ever seen.

The notion that men are these invincible beings, at the top of the food chain, who possess the power to screw with my life as they see fit is the part that I don’t subscribe to. This is real life not “Twilight” dammit.

What we have is the Individual Man, the one who does not fit in to any mould cut out for him by any society, but tries to live his life as best he can without consciously hurting anyone that he may meet – male or female

Now we talking.

I could care less whether a man displays Alpha male tenancies, from what I read these are easy to imitate, so easy  I see an entirely different species – women – imitating it quite convincingly.

What I’d rather see is a man who has the guts and the gumption to own his actions.

Trust me when I say that I don’t want to hear the excuse,

” Well I was hurt by another woman long time ago ,and so I just going to do the same thing to every other woman I meet until I feel that I have squeezed out of life what is due to me.”

That doesn’t make you a Pretend Alpha Male, or an Alpha Male who’s been hurt and isn’t really like that , that just makes you a vindictive douche.

And I don’t want to know that you “have respect for every woman” as an Alpha male, because you and I know that is also a load of crock. Ish on a stick. If you can drop your pants and share some sugar stick without having feelings for your lady friend that doesn’t make you a bad person, that just means that you are taking what is being offered. What defines you is whether you are being HONEST about it.

I believe in the actions of the Individual Male.

I believe that each person should do what is right for him/her without actively causing pain to another by their actions. What I hate most about any man is the justification for their actions.

“Well I didn’t tell you I loved you back because I was taken off guard”…

“Well yes I did cheat on you, but you never give me attention anymore.”

“Well, I was hurt by another woman that you don’t know at all, and that is why I acted how I did, treated you how I did, I’m really a swell person and you should love me now, I’m all better…”

“I respect women across the board, I love and cherish women, what? Relationship you say? um nah – lets just have some quick sex – but doh tell anyone eh? I don’t want my friends to know that we are having sex. It would complicate things and people would know that, well… we’re having sex.”

“I hit you but you made me do it, no honey I wasn’t listening to Chris Brown or Eminem at the time.”

When I do my wrongs and I’m found out, I accept that I’ve been caught ,and I brace myself for whatever the consequences may be. I won’t say I’ve never told a lie, or ever hurt someone by my actions – that would be an untruth. But, when presented by the irrefutable evidence of misbehaviour as I would see it – I always judge a person by themselves – Never with the weight of their predecessors on them. Its oh – so tempting but really? What good would that serve?

I cannot and will not allow society to corral me into what they think  should be as a “Woman”.

So what if I’m not married at 32, and so what if I didn’t go to college? So what if I am not a Beauty Queen, or have life handed to me on a silver platter, So what? If they think I don’t fit the mould of what they think I should be – then they missing out on a great person. Their loss.

Likewise, I refuse to buy into what society thinks is what a man should be, or how he should act. The only thing I want from a man is that he be honest with him self and me.

Yuh like plenty woman? Say so.

Yuh like to party at the night club? Say so.

Yuh just want to have a sexual relationship – no feelings or emotions involved? Tell me.

Tell me up front and then let me make the decision whether I want to deal with that isht or not.

Who knows maybe I might say - “yeah ok… cool” or perhaps “Nah I’m on a different path right now.”

But don’t lie to and make people think, by word or deed, that there is a chance, for something greater, or  (the best one) that the other person is at fault, To me this is what defines a man as a man.

We all know that some people may think that its ok to subscribe to this kind of nonsense. I’m not judging them for that, but I refuse for anyone to think I am less for my choices , because my choices are not their choices.

Everyone is always quick to point fingers, to judge, but I am a strong advocate of fixing what is in your house first before you lend me your hammer to nail down meh roof.

All of us are human. We all have to deal with our choices in life. But there is not one rule that states that we have to be silent about it – just because society does not agree with what they believe is right.

Men to me are just that. Men.

Capable of fault, and making mistakes. And choosing that path to where ever it is they need to go. Equipped with the knowledge of right and wrong. What makes you a better MAN is not your animalistic tendencies. What makes you a REAL man is not whether you display societies definition of the Alpha male.

Its your compassion for your fellow man. Your Ability to lead despite what society says about you. The knowledge of what is right and what is wrong and the implementation of this into your everyday life.

The ability to say:

“Hey there. I made a terrible mistake. I do think you are a swell lady. But when you were ready for love I was not. its not that I didn’t feel the same way, its just that i wasnt ready for any kind of feeling at all…”

The presence of mind to say – “This is me.  You may not like it but here I am. Take it or leave it.”

And of course the ability to see when you have a good woman who loves you. Chances are she won’t be your ideal woman either (not every one looks like Aishwarya Rai).

Its so NOT you talking about your fellow man, behind his back, trying to make another man look small, pointing fingers at someone because their choices are not your choices. Its not you trying to make them look a certain way in the eyes of the lady who used to be in love with you but now has fallen in love with someone else. Someone you may not consider worthy of her. Someone you may think is not society’s  idea of a Real Man.

But look at it this way.

If she were so great, and worthy of a good man when you had her in your sights? What stopped you from showing her off to the world? What made you let her go?

A real man would say: “I had a good woman. I messed it up. She’s happy now. I want her to be happy.”

A real man would concentrate on making himself better. He would not think that he is above reproach, he would try to make him self better for the next lucky lady who happens to choose to be in love with him.

A real man is just that -REAL.

Forward ever.