Stupid Happens
Tuesday, October 5th, 2010
The tabloids are dominated by stories of those naughty male celebrities.
Tiger.
Rooney.
Both cheated on their wives.
Some men cheat with other women friends, others with prostitutes. The age old case of men not knowing how to keep it in their pants. If I were to ask you to identify a relationship crime where the man is the victim, what would you say? Cheating?
I would say pregnancy.
There are so many unplanned pregnancies; mine was one of them. Luckily, I was already married, so didn’t have to depend on hubby to “do the right thing“. He did that ten years ago because he loved me – not because he had to.
My question is: why do women in this day and age continue to put themselves in such a precarious situation? It is plain carelessness!
What’s that you said?
“Accidents happen.”
BS.
What?
“Condoms break.”
“Pills don’t work.”
Are you for real?
When you really think about the responsibility of bringing a child into this earth and all that goes with that, can we as women really afford to continue to let “accidents happen”?
Before I go pointing fingers, let me first look in the mirror.
Thing is, having done well by my uterus and given birth, I can safely say that the second line appeared on that dreaded stick because I let my guard down – you know, the guard of my womb. Officer Condom and his side kick, Officer “What day is it in my cycle?”
Can’t blame anyone else but myself. Now, yes I love my my son, yes, I was already married and yes, Iexisted within the perfect environment for a baby. This we know. However, I do sometimes think:
“What if hubby and I weren’t married?”
Would he have married me if I got pregnant? And would he have just married me because I was pregnant? It would have been forced not as natural and beautiful as it was almost ten years ago, when he stood at the altar waiting for me. And yes I was in a dress.
I sometimes ask myself why women put themselves in such stupid situations. There are a number of reasons. The first one that comes to mind is no regard for the future, in all the ways you can imagine that word.
So you get pregnant. Options?
- Have the baby.
Keep it or give it up for adoption. - Have an abortion.
With option 1 you get to deal with all of the changes your body goes through to have the baby.
Getting fat.
Loss of bladder control.
Hormones.
Mood swings.
Flatulence. All of this before your water breaks.
Then there is the actual having the baby. The intense pain. Feeling like you are going to give birth to Saturn. Having someone you don’t know wipe your ass. (I said that like having someone you know wipe your ass is better! Mimi!) The tearing. The stitches. I think I’ve made my point.
Or, you can go choose to deal with the fallout of option 2.
If you have an abortion, there is the risk that you damage your womb and threaten your chances of having children in the future.
As women, we go on and on about being equal, or sometimes superior, and yet we can’t seem to control the very thing that makes us an object of desire and the subsequent consequences. Our poom poom!
As we would say in Trinidad:
“doh lie dong on yuh back if yuh eh ready for de pong.”
And as a woman, why would you want a man to marry you because you are pregnant? I think that is insulting. Degrading even. I don’t want a man to marry me because it is the right to do by my blossoming uterus. Or because my father would kill him. I want him to marry me because he wants to marry me. The key word there being ME.
And don’t tell me women get pregnant by accident! The word “accident” is so misleading. Statements like “it was an accident” are so trivial. So you got knocked up by accident? An accident that has repercussions in the form of another human being?
The dictionary defines accident as “an unfortunate mishap; especially one causing damage or injury”. Other definitions allude to an accident being something that is unexpected. Unexpected. All women should know you that if you choose to get laid without protection, you should expect that you can/ will get pregnant.
Nothing unexpected about that!
What? You didn’t expect it to happen to you? So… when the sperm swims up your vaginal canal into your uterus and sees the egg…she should shout “Halt! Nothing happening here today!”
Doesn’t work like that ladies! Sorry.
Ladies, we need to take more responsibility for our wombs. It belongs to no one else but us. Not our men, whether they be our husband or a random guy you banged last weekend. You wouldn’t expect a random man to clean your house or pay your bills. So why ask men to take responsibility for something that belongs to you?
Solutions?
.
Become aware of your body, your cycle, and know the fertile days from the non-fertile days. Use two types of contraception. – The pill and condoms.
I can’t stress this enough. I am so tired of hearing about women getting pregnant by accident. And I have many friends who this has happened to. It just bothers me that women claim to be this, and that, and yet so many of us can’t keep it in our pants. We have Masters degrees and earn higher salaries than men. We’re independent, we want equality, and yet we still end up bare foot and pregnant.
And for what? A night of passion? An orgasm or two? A warm, hot body next to us? Maybe. If every woman started watching a video of a squatting birth before having sex, maybe there would be less unplanned pregnancies. Granted there may be less sex, but you get my point.
To the girls who got pregnant and are convincing themselves that they don’t want to get married. Who are you tying to fool? That is woman speak for, “He doesn’t want to marry me, so I might as well act as if I didn’t want to get married anyway.”
So have sex. Lots of it. I’m getting mine, so who am I to tell anyone not to get theirs. But, use caution. Another life depends on it.
Mimi out.
Been there done that. Pfft.
Touchy and complicated subject? Sure. Love the Prince and all AFTER the fact, because he’s IS mine and I’ve chosen to take the responsibility of dealing with parenting alone, but however you slice and dice it, it will probably be one of my greatest ‘Wtf were you thinking’ situs. It forever changes your life.
Make no mistake. When you’re a responsible adult, you MAKE it for the good. You’re a good person. It’s the right thing to do. it’s also socially/ politically correct, after all… what’s the option? Let them fend for themselves? We know that just delays the ‘taking responsibility for them’ as you’d have to now do it LATER in life rather than earlier. Heck they might never leave. I’ll deal with the former of two evils… that way at least i can find my life back with my heels up in Fiji, while he’s handling his business in University.
But having a kid when you’ve never in your life wanted a kid and had no maternal instinct before your bambino popped out doesn’t automatically make you appreciate having the responsibility of kids in general – thats a myth needs to be busted with a sledge hammer.
Sometimes it just plain feels like I’ll forever be taking responsibility for that decision, but I make the best of it. Does that make me a bad mother? I certainly hope not. if anything it just makes me a realist. Fun times.
Anywhos, enough of the eyebrow raising. Moving on smartly to the next.
[Reply]
i’ve always been one for taking responsibility for my actions. i’m actually big on that. so i got pregnant. and with or without the man (sigh if only it were that easy) I am doing it and doing it well… When i got pregnant with my first one – i was already engaged, and i am telling you i am glad that i wasnt married to that dumb f*ck.. or my life and hers would have been hell… i sometimes look at her and think i should have never had her because what kind of mother brings a child into this world – its a hot ghetto mess this planet…
I am one of those who doesn’t want to get married. Child or no child i dont need a piece or paper to validate my life. so if a man wants to propose to me because i preggers and its his.. his loss… no one wants the pity proposal…i would never ever say yes to that one. I do have the utmost respect for those who have chosen to be married, child or no child. but my getting pregnant will never be a reason for that. children are indeed a blessing – and while i would have liked to have had more, but i have the brains to realise that i am blessed to have one, and no husband to be dealing with. i’ll never bring another one into the world unless i am financially secure enuf to do so. so i dont have to worry about the well being of that child… with or with out the man factor fwd eva
[Reply]