Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
Thursday, October 7th, 2010
I have always felt that in order for one to achieve true happiness, one must follow one’s life path, while stepping on the least number of toes possible, or causing hurt to anyone around you otherwise.
I have been privy to many ideas and notions of what makes a man, a man. The alpha male. The good man. The elusive one as I like to call it.
There is the physical attribute bit – tall, easy on the eye, strong shoulders, shoulders straight not rounded, generally fit … My ideal man does have a resemblance to a certain shape-shifting wolf, in a certain series of sunsetting of movies…
Back to the point at hand, there are lots of ideas of what a real man should look like, and how he should act. I overheard an idea this week, which spoke of men as powerful creatures, who ruled the world with just a hint of a smile and charisma, with firmness, and of course people follow him every where like slaves, or mice stumbling after the pied piper.
The true male – at least by society’s standards – is without fault, and without failure.
Hmm. Good luck with that.
I find that hard to believe. In fact I will go so far as to say the Alpha male, as was just described, does not exist.
I’ve had a lot of interaction with the male species of human being, but first let me give you some insight into who I am as a woman.
I am not lacking in intelligence. I am not in the habit of allowing situations that occur in and around my personal space to colour my feelings – ( that all men are horrid, horrid creatures), though I will admit to having used it at one point or another, in a natural fit of rage, for example when the child’s father insists on not purchasing the stuff for the child like he said he would.
In my experiences, it would appear that men can swing either which way when it comes to being a good or bad one. But this isn’t limited to only men – each person has the potential to become either the best that they can be, or the worst being mankind has ever seen.
The notion that men are these invincible beings, at the top of the food chain, who possess the power to screw with my life as they see fit is the part that I don’t subscribe to. This is real life not “Twilight” dammit.
What we have is the Individual Man, the one who does not fit in to any mould cut out for him by any society, but tries to live his life as best he can without consciously hurting anyone that he may meet – male or female
Now we talking.
I could care less whether a man displays Alpha male tenancies, from what I read these are easy to imitate, so easy I see an entirely different species – women – imitating it quite convincingly.
What I’d rather see is a man who has the guts and the gumption to own his actions.
Trust me when I say that I don’t want to hear the excuse,
” Well I was hurt by another woman long time ago ,and so I just going to do the same thing to every other woman I meet until I feel that I have squeezed out of life what is due to me.”
That doesn’t make you a Pretend Alpha Male, or an Alpha Male who’s been hurt and isn’t really like that , that just makes you a vindictive douche.
And I don’t want to know that you “have respect for every woman” as an Alpha male, because you and I know that is also a load of crock. Ish on a stick. If you can drop your pants and share some sugar stick without having feelings for your lady friend that doesn’t make you a bad person, that just means that you are taking what is being offered. What defines you is whether you are being HONEST about it.
I believe in the actions of the Individual Male.
I believe that each person should do what is right for him/her without actively causing pain to another by their actions. What I hate most about any man is the justification for their actions.
“Well I didn’t tell you I loved you back because I was taken off guard”…
“Well yes I did cheat on you, but you never give me attention anymore.”
“Well, I was hurt by another woman that you don’t know at all, and that is why I acted how I did, treated you how I did, I’m really a swell person and you should love me now, I’m all better…”
“I respect women across the board, I love and cherish women, what? Relationship you say? um nah – lets just have some quick sex – but doh tell anyone eh? I don’t want my friends to know that we are having sex. It would complicate things and people would know that, well… we’re having sex.”
“I hit you but you made me do it, no honey I wasn’t listening to Chris Brown or Eminem at the time.”
When I do my wrongs and I’m found out, I accept that I’ve been caught ,and I brace myself for whatever the consequences may be. I won’t say I’ve never told a lie, or ever hurt someone by my actions – that would be an untruth. But, when presented by the irrefutable evidence of misbehaviour as I would see it – I always judge a person by themselves – Never with the weight of their predecessors on them. Its oh – so tempting but really? What good would that serve?
I cannot and will not allow society to corral me into what they think should be as a “Woman”.
So what if I’m not married at 32, and so what if I didn’t go to college? So what if I am not a Beauty Queen, or have life handed to me on a silver platter, So what? If they think I don’t fit the mould of what they think I should be – then they missing out on a great person. Their loss.
Likewise, I refuse to buy into what society thinks is what a man should be, or how he should act. The only thing I want from a man is that he be honest with him self and me.
Yuh like plenty woman? Say so.
Yuh like to party at the night club? Say so.
Yuh just want to have a sexual relationship – no feelings or emotions involved? Tell me.
Tell me up front and then let me make the decision whether I want to deal with that isht or not.
Who knows maybe I might say - “yeah ok… cool” or perhaps “Nah I’m on a different path right now.”
But don’t lie to and make people think, by word or deed, that there is a chance, for something greater, or (the best one) that the other person is at fault, To me this is what defines a man as a man.
We all know that some people may think that its ok to subscribe to this kind of nonsense. I’m not judging them for that, but I refuse for anyone to think I am less for my choices , because my choices are not their choices.
Everyone is always quick to point fingers, to judge, but I am a strong advocate of fixing what is in your house first before you lend me your hammer to nail down meh roof.
All of us are human. We all have to deal with our choices in life. But there is not one rule that states that we have to be silent about it – just because society does not agree with what they believe is right.
Men to me are just that. Men.
Capable of fault, and making mistakes. And choosing that path to where ever it is they need to go. Equipped with the knowledge of right and wrong. What makes you a better MAN is not your animalistic tendencies. What makes you a REAL man is not whether you display societies definition of the Alpha male.
Its your compassion for your fellow man. Your Ability to lead despite what society says about you. The knowledge of what is right and what is wrong and the implementation of this into your everyday life.
The ability to say:
“Hey there. I made a terrible mistake. I do think you are a swell lady. But when you were ready for love I was not. its not that I didn’t feel the same way, its just that i wasnt ready for any kind of feeling at all…”
The presence of mind to say – “This is me. You may not like it but here I am. Take it or leave it.”
And of course the ability to see when you have a good woman who loves you. Chances are she won’t be your ideal woman either (not every one looks like Aishwarya Rai).
Its so NOT you talking about your fellow man, behind his back, trying to make another man look small, pointing fingers at someone because their choices are not your choices. Its not you trying to make them look a certain way in the eyes of the lady who used to be in love with you but now has fallen in love with someone else. Someone you may not consider worthy of her. Someone you may think is not society’s idea of a Real Man.
But look at it this way.
If she were so great, and worthy of a good man when you had her in your sights? What stopped you from showing her off to the world? What made you let her go?
A real man would say: “I had a good woman. I messed it up. She’s happy now. I want her to be happy.”
A real man would concentrate on making himself better. He would not think that he is above reproach, he would try to make him self better for the next lucky lady who happens to choose to be in love with him.
A real man is just that -REAL.
Forward ever.
“I believe in the actions of the Individual Male.” well said!
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