I Dream of California King
Tuesday, October 26th, 2010
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When I first came to GC, one of the things I mentioned is that I was looking to make a move out from the parental home. Well y’all, as my American cousins would say, this thing called apartment hunting in this island just plain sucks!
First of all, everyone is asking for rent in US dollars.
What de A-double snakes is that! I live on an island and work for island dollars.
US dollars you say? Where do I begin?
I guess from the beginning.
I hooked up with a real estate friend of mine. She is a sweet thing; a mother of two grown kids who still live with her, so she is confused as to why I want to rent. After I explained my need to have my own space, turn my own key and have my own kitchen (my most fervent desire), she nodded and we opened the conversation and the search for Island Girl’s new ‘Island’.
When I told her my budget, she almost fainted from laughter, but said she would try and find some decent places. I have a few demands. One or two bedrooms, clean, safe, preferably furnished, preferably northwest. So my informal ‘real estate’ agent got together a few properties and our month-long adventure began. We saw about eight places. Four stood out to me. Indulge me.
Property One:
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Before we viewed, she let me know that property one was not all to spec – a fixer-upper of sorts. I followed her to Prop One. Jesus Christ! The moment I saw the warped kitchen counters I wanted to cry. Iron furniture that clearly dated back to that time devoid of some style, aka the seventies, was styling in the kitchen. The cupboards needed a lot of work. I could hear the termites planning the three-course dinner.
As we moved to the cubbyhole, sorry, the bedroom, I was ready to run. The bathroom…there is nothing to say but hell no! Anyone who knows me can tell you my face is an open book. You can read my hurt, my anger, my joy and my disgust! She read the latter. She quickly ushered me out of the apartment and we were off again. It was in my budget though. My heart sank.
Property Four:
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Properties Two and Three were okay, locations sucked though. She called to tell me Prop Four was a bit beyond the budget, but it was negotiable. Beautiful view, access to a swimming pool, new furnishings, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a garden, a gated community. Can we say excited? I watched the clock tick that day at work and at four on the dot – I was out the door.
The drive up was full of promise and hope. It did not disappoint, initially. Beautiful. well-appointed rooms, stainless steel appliances, granite countertops; from heaven. The master bedroom – can we say – a view of the pool. I could not ask for more. I was frothing from the mouth by the time I saw the bathroom, all white and shiny! And then, the rug was pulled out from under me. Negotiable price out the door. A lot of people are looking at this and are willing to pay more! The tears were in my eyes as I was led out from what could have possibly been my dream apartment.
Property Six:
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Property Five was okay, but the bug ambling along the kitchen counter caught my attention before the owner could sweep him away. I made a tack back to the car while my lady dealt with the owner. So Property Six came along. A guy working in New York was renting and he had it in the newspaper. I decided to contact him.
Sounded decent, one bedroom studio in the right area. He sounded excited too! Told me he would have his uncle take pictures so I could see it and then I could come up and take a closer look. Sure! Fine! Great! Oh boy.
What came to me was, well to put it nicely, was, well… not what I was looking for. Dark panelling facing a wall painted with a mermaid – yes that is what I said. A bathroom that looked like a relic of the seventies (what is it with seventies?) It was just not what I was looking for.
So I kindly noted to the owner that it was much more masculine than I had anticipated and wished him luck in finding a tenant. What happened next was surprising. The man sent me an email, in caps, telling me essentially why did I bother to waste his time,
” …A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN THE PLACE!”
“Excuse me!” I wanted to write back, but I just lost his email and thought, okay, classifieds, not for me!
Property Eight:
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Property Seven was interesting. Drove along the longest road ever, looking for the apartments. Saw a lot of young men hanging out at the corner, pants below bottom, CKs out, and the requisite gold teeth. The smell of reefer hit me like a whammy! Hell no.
My lady told me that Property Eight was well out of my budget, but she wanted me to see it. Boy did I see it. Gorgeous, beautiful. Rent quoted in US of course. Kitchen out of Home and Gardens. I was drooling, touching the appliances with a reverence one usually reserves for Saints. She told me to lay on the California King bed. Oh God! I was in having a mini org by that time. Real estate heaven! The owners were in Azerbijan or Uzbekistan or one of those. The pool glistening, the birds in the garden singing. I saw me and ‘my guy’ having breakfast in the nook. I saw us swimming in the pool, enjoying the pleasures of a sunken bubble bath together.
The boom of thunder awakened me. No way! Not right now! My lady telling me I needed to get a man to pay for all this. Why does it always have to come back to that! I left depressed on a rainy Sunday.
Will I ever be able to move? Will I find anything? People are telling me get a starter. It does not have to be a dream. I know, logically I know this. But that dream I had of awakening on a Sunday morning and rolling on my California King and connecting with a warm body; breakfast in the nook, nookie in the nook…I am so frustrated! I should have never gone to that apartment.
But my lady continues. She has a new crop of things for me to see come November. So I take my California King fantasy with a dose of reality and will begin the search again.
Real estate is a ridiculous business. I am hearing things are going to go down soon. Crossing fingers, toes, eyes and hairs! I know I have to move out. And I know there is some place out there for me. I guess I just have to keep searching.
But for now….on to other things!
I liking that house behind this young lady!!!!
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