GlamityCalamity

You know that feeling you get when you realized that something just went terribly wrong?

For example the one that you get when you realize that you just royally destroyed something that’s not yours, either something you borrowed or something that you are supposed to keep safe for someone. Fear, panic, and maybe somewhere long after you get a flash of intelligence where you actually do something that can alleviate the situation perhaps. Then of course you have more fear. What is your friend going to say? How are you going to apologize? Then you start thinking down the line, how will this affect the friendship? This series of questioning is often followed by resignation, where you just take a deep breath and face your friend dead on, with your head hung in shame.

It’s been said that life is a tragedy in the short term but a comedy in the long term, especially where it concerns material things. Hindsight is really 20/20.

Thing is, even though in the moment you feel as though you just want to crawl through the crack in the floor and die, if you choose to retell the story to someone else, it would be almost impossible for them to resist the urge to laugh. And then, though you may be annoyed at first that the person isn’t taking your misfortune seriously, you can eventually see the light dawn in the horizon and you start to laugh yourself.

How silly you were! Trying to turn the electric burner off without using the knob, duh things will catch a fire. Eventually, things don’t seem that bad at all. Actually, you then realize that things could have been a whole lot worse. 

A gentle smile sometimes helps to diffuse difficult situations. The ability to laugh at one’s transgressions is truly indicative of one being comfortable with oneself – and with others. We are not perfect. Bad things happen, or at least they may seem bad at the time, but really things are not usually as bad as they seem.  So you stub your toe on the end table. After you stop rolling around on the ground, look back and try to see the humor in the situation. A good laugh at oneself never hurt anyone.

As a matter of fact, laughing is said to be very good for the soul. A smile is said to use less muscles than a frown. (okay but can some one please explain what good are those horrid laugh-lines are for? What the firetruck purpose does that serve? Every time one is seen, a frown soon follows, go figure.)

And if you are a regular here you will appreciate me putting in this: The Mona Lisa is a piece of art that always brings a smile to my face. In fact I must confess that I have spent many an hour standing in front of a mirror trying to perfect that very same smile.

As it turns out laughter is also used as an anesthetic. The dentists give you nitrous oxide  so that you can ‘laugh’ through the pain of a root canal, although the pain that lingers after the nitrous oxide wears away is nothing to laugh at.

All of this can be backed up scientifically. One Dr. Provine states that:-

- The much vaunted health benefits of laughter are probably coincidental, a consequence of it’s much more important primary goal: bringing people together. In fact, the health benefits of laughter may result from the social support it stimulates.

- Laughter plays a big role in mating. Men like women who laugh heartily in their presence.

- Both sexes laugh a lot, but females laugh more–126 percent more than their male counterparts. Men are more laugh-getters.

- The laughter of the female is the critical index of a healthy relationship.

- Laughter in relationships declines dramatically as people age.

- Like yawning, laughter is contagious; the laugher of others is irresistible.

So you see even the scientists are laughing. It is after all the best medicine.

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Forward ever…

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Source: The benefits of laughter.

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Times have changed.

With all the crazy nonsense that’s going on with people’s mental in this world today,  we can’t help but feel that at Carnival time these disasters can be magnified tenfold. With all the merriment and revelry, not to mention alcohol and the free feelings we really need to very vigilant.

Safety is the magic word here. With all the feathers and glitter, we can be lulled into a false feeling of invincibility and security. So with that in mind here are our tips for Carnival Safety.

1. Safety in numbers.

Play Mas with a friend or two. Or three or four.

The chances of some looney attacking a group of women are much lower than it is for one that is walking alone.

Any trips to the bathroom should be with one or more of the group. Stay with the band if you are playing and don’t go outside the ropes if you can help it. Designate a meeting place for stragglers of the group,  that way if anyone gets lost you all wouldn’t have to spend half the time looking for a stray friend. Walk with limited cash, and absolutely no valuables and try to do without that 18k gold necklace and engagement ring (explain to your husband/fiancé/boyfriend that its for your safety).

And that very valuable cellphone? Why not insert the sim card into another less valuable phone, just for that day/ event. If we must travel with it, let’s keep it close and only bring it out for emergencies, shall we?

2. Know your limit.

Ladies, in case you don’t know, there are sickos out there. This can of course apply to the men as well. People just aren’t the same anymore. Blame it on the trans fat. When we are having fun and we tend to imbibe more than we should, and somehow or other we can end up paying for it dearly. The after result can be as small as grave embarrassment to as large as deep regret. I’m no statistician but it appears that women tend to be more vulnerable than men to the adverse effects of alcohol abuse, in that women can achieve higher concentrations of alcohol levels in their blood and as a result become more impaired than men after drinking the same amount of alcohol.

Take note of how many drinks you have had before you lose control completely of your faculties. Not only does it look a hot mess as a young lady exercising her up-chuck reflex but also that’s no greater sign to a looney that you have lost all self-control and judgment. Hydrate yourself frequently and head off the over drunk vibes.

Walking around glued to your cell phone while you are talking to your best friend also compromises your ability to detect as well as your response time. Be vigilant at all times.

3. Park in a well-lit area

You see that nice spot in the back yard alley? It’s vacant for a reason, – everyone else is smart enough to know not to park there. Ensure that there is security around to guard your vehicle. Of course this doesn’t guarantee anything, but it’s got to be one step up from parking in that alleyway.

4. Don’t friend like you do on Facebook

Guard your privacy.

Not everyone who speaks who looks cute is your friend. In real life, good looks don’t guarantee strength of character. Don’t give out your number to strange people. This is not to say that you have to be rude, but there are other ways of contacting that person rather than giving out your phone number to random folks, an email address for example works just well. This way if someone does turn out to be less than stellar outside the glitz and glamour that is Trinidad Carnival, then you haven’t given them a direct part to your personal life via a house or cell phone number.

5. Protect yourself

We implore all persons to make their momma’s proud and carry themselves in a proper manner.

This is a time when between the combination of the sweet soca music, unlimited alcohol, gyrating hips, and over exposed skin gets to you, then on top of that the hunger and the wigglies hit you, all of a sudden, through the rum glasses that stranger looks really ‘hot’ and you want to get it in.

This is a time we throw caution to the wind but please; if you are going to engage in sexual behaviour, please protect yourself, in whatever way you choose.  AIDS is not the average STD; you can’t come back from that.

Prevention is better than waiting for a cure.

Forward ever…

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Having been to all these Carnival fetes, boy… there’s so much to say. Carnival is right around the corner yes, but ladies there is still time enough for some of us to redeem ourselves, especially in the style & fashion department.

Lord where do we start…

1. Dress to according to your size. 

Let’s face it, not everything is for everybody.

It’s carnival yes, but if we have to stomach one more unfit, non-entertainment female strutting about in short shorts, boobie poppers, fishnet stockings and stilettos we will call the fashion police. I mean what’s the goal here? It’s baffling that one has a full length mirror at home and can still manage to leave the house in nothing that flatters any one area of one’s body.

If your legs aren’t toned, fishnets have a tendency to make your legs look like stuffed sausage, just waiting for any reason to be released. If you must, try wearing the fishnets over leotards that match your skin exactly. That’s what the average performer does, but they’re entertainers, what’s your excuse?

Why not try some leggings, some fab shoes and a ‘just right’ top that flatters the girls, but yet covers the derriere and leaves a bit to the imagination. Butt cheeks encased in holey stockings is just not cool man. 

2. Dress according to your intended behaviour

Further to point #1, if you know you going to jump up and get on bad in de people fete, and you ain’t no ‘A’ bra cup then wearing your boobies barely restrained in slinky strappy tops that provide absolutely no support to manage the aggressive jumping movement is not cute. 

Even if are blessed with some perky, good-sized assets show them some appreciation and wear a bra if you intend to jump around like House of Pain. They will thank you as your skin ages.

And while we’re on the subject of bras, get ones that fit please. If you aren’t sure of your size walk into any store that sells them and get yourself measured. It’s free.

And, excuse the vernacular but ‘yuh see them strap on de bra them? That is fuh yuh to tighten the bra so that it fit yuh’. If you stand in the mirror and you see a couple of melons stretching towards your waist, this can be remedied by tightening the straps. But, you knew that … right?

3. Ease off the hair product

Greasy/ too much hair product/wet and drippy/gelled to a spiky health hazard/ are all no nos. Nuff said.

One blue devil spouting fire from his lips and you up in smoke.

4. Walk away from horizontally stripped lycra.

Horizontal stripes are only meant for the runway. The slim model types that we come across from day to day can also get away with them. If ever have ever used the word ‘curves’ or the phrase ‘lady lumps’ while referring to yourself – stay away. 

Anything other than an athletic/ boy shape needs to get over the idea of ever wearing horizontally stripped lycra, at least in public. ‘Coca-cola bottle shape’, ‘apple’, ‘pear’, ‘top heavy’, ‘bottom heavy’, however else you want to call whatever other shape there is, just stay very far away from horizontal stripes please.

5. Quit channeling Medusa

Dark/black lipliner and sheer lipstick went out with the garbage. Your liner should exactly match your lipstick and on top of that no matchy matchy eyeshadow to go with your get up. That is never a good idea. Where are the fire-breathing, mono-cycling, bowling pin juggling clowns?  You look like you are part of a circus troupe. 

For tips on Grown ‘n Sexy makeup applications see a whoooole set of tips here:

6. Wear your own clothes

That is to say wear clothes that you are comfortable with dammit, because I’m going to assume that you wouldn’t spend your own money on clothes that don’t fit and flatter you. Tugging at your painted on hems just draws unnecessary attention to your wanna-bee self. If it’s riding then let it ride. If you’re uncomfortable with the ride then change your clothes before you leave the house. It’s that simple; No-one is forcing you to wear it.

OOOOR you can be sensible and wear something that fits and flatters the shape that your mother gave you. For universally flattering style tips for women click here.

7. Cover your essentials

The only person that should be seeing your butt crack is no one.  This also goes for string thongs and panty-lines. If you put on some panties that are too small (hoping they will hold you in), and then put stretch skinny jeans or, Lord forbid, leggings over it – you end up with the VPL (visible panty line) sausage effect. Uuuuuggghhhhh! 

There is really no remedy for this other than wear your size. Please and thank you.

For tips on wearing leggings click here.

8. Use ‘fashion’ accessories

All the jewelry that you and your neighbor own belong in a saftey deposit box and not on your body at Carnival time. Don’t put yourself and others in danger by putting on the glitz and strutting yuh stuff in Panorama – you just begging for drama. Anyone can figure that out.

You can get into the embellishment trend by wearing glitzy accessories that are not only trendy and fashionable but will give you all the bling that you desire without all the drama of being robbed. For tips on hopping unto the embellishment trend click here.

Forward ever…

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What is love? 

Sometimes I think that I have no idea of what love is, seeing that I have never actually experienced it; at least not like it is in the movies and novels I used to steal a read from when I was a teen.

My favorite movie is “Pretty Woman”. You know the scenario – Girl meets Prince Charming, he defies all odds to be with her and they drive off in a limo to live happily ever after, mice and all.

Personally, I think they should ban all these movies that promote that Cinderella nonsense that Disney cut its teeth on, because its terrificly misleading. After all, Love, in that context, doesn’t exist in this world. It’s just not that simple.

After ingesting all that fairy-tale fluff, ladies are then forever bound by the Cinderella Conspiracy. Society would have us believe that all we need to do sit around all our lives waiting and waiting for the right man to come so that we that we can get married and have children, no matter what the cost.

We spend our whole lives searching for that one true love, our Prince Charming, who will come and sweep us off our feet and deliver us from our perilous existence. Let’s be real here; Ain’t  no damn Prince Charming gonna come and sweep you off your fricking feet, leave that lie right there with Walt Disney in the Vault.

Being the Wicked Witch of Reality, I decided to do some research on this ‘Love’ thing. Take it as you wish – don’t shoot the messenger.

Wikipedia states that

“as an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic  to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts”. 

Bleh.

This is romantic love – the love that we are all very familiar with, so I decided to tackle it from a scientific point of view. That should shock us into reality right?

Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst. Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages:

1. Lust – exposes people to others

2. Attraction – encourages people to focus their energy on mating

3. Attachment – involves tolerating the spouse (partner) long enough to rear a child into infancy

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen; These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months.

Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in Neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including dopamine,  pheremones, and seratonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain’s pleasure centre and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement.

Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half years to three years.

Sounds familiar? Hmm.

We could be making a bit of headway here. A chemical reaction you say? Well I guess I could live with that – except that I can’t.

In all their writing, experience and theories, noone seems to be touching upon the idea that love is a CHOICE, and that it is this ability to choose (to love) that differentiates us from every other animal on the planet.

When we find our selves caught in an emotional hell of self hatred and abuse by another person who claims to “love” us, we should keep in mind that we choose to be in this state of mental disturbance. It is OUR choice and ours alone that places us in these situations.

We alone hold the key to our finding love. In fact, I came up with my own version of what I believe love to be – a conscious choice to live symbiotically with another person. The kind of state that thrives well when it is returned.

It is difficult for this type of active love (by choice) to continue if the object of our affection does not actively return the feeling. Also, if you’ve consciously made the choice to love someone, then there should be a clause in there to consciously make the choice to not cause any undue pain or anguish.

If you have made the choice to love someone, you should wish for them to be happy, no?

<<< Insert Mary J. Blige’s “Real Love” here >>>

Real Love should not be a prison of emotion, guilt riding the relationship at every turn; Your happiness should not exist solely upon this person either. Love should exist despite this person. This kind of selfless love I am talking about is what we should strive to GIVE, for how can we expect to receive it if we never put it out?

We only get what we put in. 

Just as we choose to love in this manner. we must be mindful that, in the same way, we can take back our love. Choosing to love someone does not forever bind us to that person for life, should they prove themselves unworthy of the love that we have to give.

Leave whatever love you have already given behind and reserve the rest for that person who deserves your love; the person who sees that the choice that you made to love them, was the best gift a human can give to another.

Then you can say it with feeling… “and they lived happily ever after” …mice and all.

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Forward ever…

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Works consulted: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love#Chemical_basis

Breaking up sucks. Being the one who is dumped is even worse.

So much pain can be avoided if the bearer of bad news just takes the time to think outside of his/her teeny tiny brain box. With just a touch of respect and a dab of honour, the bad-news bearer can leave with the respect of the ex intact, not to mention not having the ex scrape up the pieces of what was formerly a heart, from the unpaved, dirt track that was the ‘relationship’.

Clearly you wish not to be in the relationship anymore, but a little compassion never hurt anybody. 

Here are some things to try:

- Speak up early

If your feelings have changed for the worse, say something. As far as I know, we were all born alone, sans crystal ball and so people are going to need a heads up with regard to where your head is at in terms of your feelings.

Expecting your partner to “figure it out” is not going to cut it, neither is dropping ’subtle’ hints. It’s a relationship for crying out loud, not a board game.

Create a non-romantic setting and sit and talk. Let it be known that your feelings have changed somewhere along the line, and that you think it’s best you guys see other people.

Leaving your partner to figure out how you feel is only going to harbour feelings of resentnent and ill will when you fail to answer your phone for the hundreth time, or you suddenly get busy every minute of the day when you were at least reasonably available before.

- Take time

Wait until you have sorted our your business with your partner/ significant other before you decide to date other people, especially the person’s friends – That ain’t gonna go down well, Duh.

This type of behaviour will be perceived as cheating, *shaking fist* Damn you society!

- Do unto others as you would like done to you.

This speaks for itself.

Treat others how you would want yourself, your parents, your siblings, or your children to be treated. Be as honest and as open about what you think may have caused this turnabout in your feelings.

Keep in mind that maybe, just maybe, if you inset some compassion (not pity) here, karma won’t be sharpening her blade to come after you.

- No name calling

As I said before, breakups already suck, so really there is no need to get grimy. 

If you have been searching for a someone who exhibits a particular trait, and your current love interest displays something different or opposite to what you are looking for, then heartlessly calling that person names serves only to cause pain, and put that person in defensive mode.

Besides, you are the one who choose to enter into ’something’ with someone, who doesn’t quite possess that which you were looking for, so who’s the silly one in this situation?

Battle mode is not a very effective strategy to execute during a breakup. Acting just like the problem doesn’t prove your point, it just makes you look like a hypocrite.

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We’re all Grown; We know that there is a right and a wrong way to go about doing anything, it’s just that we choose not to practice it sometimes. As far as possible save yourself the grief and avoid unnecessary pain, life is challenging enough.

No need to drag someone through the mud – they have feelings for you and don’t know better, so it’s already going to hurt them; There is no need to be mean.

Treat your soon-to-be-ex with the respect that all humans deserve when you decide to move on with your life.

Forward ever…

POSSIBLY RELATED GC POSTS

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“We are like tea bags – we don’t know our own strength until we’re in hot water.”

- Sister Busche

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With or without sugar?

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The second segment of Parenting 101. Lets just dive into it shall we?

7. Don’t feel guilty

Crying is natural currency for kids. If they think they can get something just because they cried, you will have to deal with this mind blowing phenomenon for the rest of your life. 

Instead, once you know that kids are fed, clean and comfortable, let them cry. And cry and cry. And cry and cry. Once it is established that you will not be blackmailed into giving them jello for breakfast, they will discard this and follow behaviour that does get them what they want.

Babies cry to communicate, so of course, cuddle and cuddle. But If you are trying to teach a certain behaviour, like teaching them to sleep on their own, again, once they are fed, clean and comfortable, let them cry.

8. Be Honest

Be as honest as possible. The minute your child catches you in a lie then your creditability has done gone and left the building. How can you tell your child not to lie about who broke the plant pot when s/he thinks that you would?

This also applies to the passing of pets. Children ought be taught that death is a very natural part of life, and that Fluffy was old and in a lot of pain, and so she went to live with who or whatever helps you explain this as per your religious beliefs.

If you are disappointed with your child’s actions, say so. This is not to mean that you take them on a longwinded guilt trip, but let them know that the behaviour wasn’t acceptable.

9. Practice what you preach

Don’t expect them to follow rules that you have no intention to follow. If you would like them to learn to apologize, ensure that they see you do it as well. As kids, your children respect and look up to you. If they see that this is a behaviour that you find acceptable (because that’s what you practice) then the likelihood of them following suit will increase.

If you have made a mistake, own up to it and inform the child that you have done so.

Kids are smarter than we think; try covering up a mistake and your kid will understand that you are more flawed than you will like them to believe. They will also figure out that lying through your teeth is a-o-k and will not understand the fundamentals of morals and honesty.

 Children learn by the examples set for them.

10. Inform; Don’t negotiate.

Before taking your child out in public, inform the child what behaviour you expect from him/her. Don’t leave it up for discussion in the middle of the supermarket, while your child is throwing a tantrum on the floor.

Do not allow or reward deviant behaviour as this will signal to your child that it is a good idea to repeat such behaviour.

11. Spend time with your kids

It can be difficult in all the hustle and bustle, but take time to create ‘you and me’ time at least once a week. It could be a specific acitivity that you guys do together, it could be a hobby of your kid’s, sitting down to have a meal at least once a week or, going to dinner to bond as well as teach that good old dinner etiquette that we were talking about last week. 

Bonding with your kids is a very integral part of their growing process. It helps them to understand that even though you may have more than you can handle on your plate, that doesn’t mean that you do not care, or that you do not wish to understand what is going on with them.

Bonding with your kids provides a certain level of security that kids need. Also, if you meet with them regularly, your kids will find it easier to speak with you on challenges that they may be facing or even if they don’t tell you directly, you will be in a better position to notice when your child isn’t acting his/ her usual self and can stop a potentially dangerous situation from going out of control. 

12. Understand that kids are kids

Kids should be kids. Part of the growing process and becoming independent is for them to figure out what works and what doesn’t. That means that they will test your boundaries sometimes, which of course is an important reason to set some. If there is nothing to test they will go way across the border very quickly, with no-one watching.

We all love children and sometimes their cuteness is over whelming and you just want to spoil them. But if you do, then you  (and others) have to live with their spoilt ways.

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Forward ever…

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Raising kids these days isn’t easy.

Trying to make ends meet is difficult enough; the downturn of the economy isn’t helping any either. It’s not always easy to spend as much time with our kids as we would like. Then, when we do have the time, man… we just want to have peace and quiet for 2 minutes. This is especially applicable in single parent households.

Disciplining kids is a job in itself. Largely because it takes time, energy, thought, and consistency. Forgetting that you told your kid that the next time s/he engages in a particular behaviour will result in some punishment only instills in your child that you don’t say what you mean and mean what you say, aka what you say really doesn’t count for ish. 

Here are some tips on effective parenting.

1. Start Early

It is said that by the time a kid is 7 years old s/he would have formed the foundation of learning already – any routines, discipline & behavioural expectations included. As a result it would then make sense to instill what we expect from kids at the age where we can best influence their choices – between birth and this time, otherwise we would be trying to change ‘bad’ habits rather than teach/ maintain new ones. 

2. Have a routine

It doesn’t have to be drill sergeant style, but at least have one – a bedtime routine for example.

Children do well with predictability, and is a way to help them feel secure in a crazy world. Routines help kids understand what’s coming next and may also help children be less restless and ‘bored’.

Routines also allow you to set aside time for yourself and let your kids understand that this is your ‘you’ time. Of course the responsibility lies with you and/ or the child’s caregiver to establish and maintain these routines. 

3. Set Boundaries

Kids are amazingly intelligent yes, but they aren’t clairvoyant. Unless you set boundaries for them, and let them know what they are, they will not know what is and is not expected from them. Do not look for them to set their own boundaries; they look for this instruction from you.

It takes time for your kids to understand, that they have the creative freedom to be kids but after all is said and done and the ball drops, YOU are the one in charge. Children will respect you a whole lot more when they see that there are boundaries that you have set and that you stick to. 

After all, noone grows up wanting to be that parent in the grocery who can’t control their kid when the child can’t get the special juice that they want because the grocery is out of stock. Discipline and what behaviour is expected of kids when things don’t go their way needs to be learnt at home, for as we discussed in a previous post, what you practice in the home is what you (or your kids) bring in the street. Ain’t nothing like a kid airing your dirty laundry, or in this case, your lousy parenting skills in public places. 

4. Be consistent

Consistency is key. A particular behaviour must be either rewarded or punished in the same way every time. 

The aim is not to embarrass your kids in public. Kids have a lot less self pride and self awareness than we as adults do, so trust that if you want to go down that road with them, they will see that you will be the one who is embarrassed, not them. 

If your child lives in two homes, as is very common these days, a talk with the other parent must be had, and rules set that coincide in BOTH homes, so that there is no separation in values.

Set and stick to any rules set in the household, so that there can be no confusion. Once a particular rule is changed or amended, then the child must be informed so he /she will not be punished for something they didn’t know was a rule to begin with.

It is best when both parents form a united front when it comes to kids, regardless of how the parents feel about each other. This minimizes the escape hatches that so often come with pitting one parent against the other. Any disagreements should NOT be had in front of the child but rather in private.

5. Discipline on a level head

Try not to discipline when you are annoyed or enraged, because you are then most likely to either go overboard with disciplining or say things you either don’t mean or have no time to enforce. Consistency, remember?

The focus of discipline is not to be angry and hurt the child, physically or emotionally, but to show the child that you want them to learn the right ways. It’s not about instilling a fear of the you in the child, as this instilled fear almost always backfires and instead fosters a rebellious spirit in the child. The child may do what you wish out of fear, but if s/he doesn’t understand why the discipline is given in the first place, it is only natural that the behaviour will be repeated.

6. Match the discipline to child’s age

Discipline appropriately, according the the misdemeanor and child’s age. 

What works for a 2 year old will not work for a 7 year old, and will definitely not work for an 11 year old.

And please, understand what discipline is. Discipline is not meant to cause long term damage to a child, but rather assist the child to understand what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.

Discipline effectively. Sending your child to a room full of amenities is not going to get the ‘You’re Grounded’ point across. 

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To be continued…

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Forward ever!

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Parenting 101 (Pt. 2)
Dining | Manners maketh Man
Career | Email Etiquette
Career Tip: Online presence
Office Party Etiquette
 

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Dealing with friends who betray you can edge your teeth something fierce. As a Diva you have to understand that people can be selfish, and things like this WILL happen so it’s how we deal with it that separates us from the goats.

If you see your girlfriend perched atop your recent ex-fiance in a picture on facebook, allow yourself some minutes to clam down.

Yes, clam is the word we want to use.

It’s natural to feel hurt, but let us not react in a way that will bring our karma down. In fact, reaction to their indescrepancies is usually the desired effect, and we’re just too damn flyy to give them that satisfaction.

A wise woman once told me that negative attention is still attention.

Take a run, go swiming, take in a movie – whatever it takes to get yourself together and work off that negative energy. Show no emotion and smile nicely. Visit an old people’s home, or an orphanage, just so you can let your self know that there are persons out there who are worse off than you are.

So you lost a friend, of course it’s going to suck major donkey balls, but there is no law that states that you have to catch a case over it. After all, one should consider just how much of a friend was that person anyways.

Our reaction to a situation that may cause us pain, is what differentiates us from the goat remember? Besides, not everyone was meant to be in your life forever, and as we age, “friends” like these are who make us appreciate those precious few we have left.

Sure you want to unleash your inner badass/ badiss when your vision goes red with the thought of dealing with the horror of a friend who just won’t get it. However, how you deal through your pain can lift you up, or drop you down to some place where you are left to crawl out on your tailbone, obviously smelling like a different kind of rose.

Concentrate on the few friends that you have who really matter; those who not only give advice, but live it. Keep these people close, because when you are going through any problems/stress, you will need someone like this to talk to. Keeping dirt inside is as bad as keeping dirt on you; It will stank like wrenking meat.

If you still consider the ‘friendship’ one that you wish to keep and therefore worth a talk through, bounce a few ideas off a true friend, so as to make sure that you are not over reacting or being unfair, and then talk to friend with the non-friend behaviour.

If you are fairly certain that this person is just not going to get it for whatever reason, or you are just plain tired of the BS, then let go. Let the indescrepancy go, let the non-friendship go, and let the pain of it go. There is only so much talking you can do.

Cleaning out your closets can only serve to make room for more fab clothes.

The same goes for your life but, be careful. There are pieces in everyone’s wardrobe that are classic, so don’t throw those out. Chances are you gonna have a hard time replacing them, and you will never be able to find the fit, cut, style and detail in those exact proportions ever again.

Forward ever.

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Paying it forward
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So its that time of year again, the time where, whether we plan to or not, we think about what we did in the past year, and where we are going in this one. For some, it’s a cleansing time – a time for healthy reflection and self love, and for others it’s a time to regret things and fear the future. Regardless, it’s an important time.

In my journeys this last year, I came across the term “Pay it forward.”  I believe that there is a movie out there with the same name and the gist of it is that you repay someone’s good deed to you, by doing a good deed to someone else. I’m guessing there is a happy ending to this movie, but having never seen it, I will refrain from commenting on that part. But, I digress…

“Paying it Forward” seems to be a good idea doesn’t it? Have something good done to you and in return you do something nice for someone else, and so on and so on until there is a snowball effect of love and happiness … Yes?

Sigh…

Isn’t it interesting that it is so easy to pay the bad forward and not the good? We tend to forget that there are two sides here. We tend to forget the good. Yeah, I said it, we forget the good.

Instead of making ‘good’ contagious, we have a tendency to only pay the bad forward, causing a shieght load of ill will and discomfort to everyone in our wake.

Which, when you think about it, is really silly isn’t it? How do you bring peace and harmony in your own life when your mental being is preoccupied with negativity?

In relationships we hurt our loved ones because we were hurt before. I mean, why should we make it easier for other people. when we had it concrete hard and diamond pressure?

We torture our kids because our parents did it to us, and the cycle continues.

We ‘Pay it Forward’, just not in the way it was intended.

So here’s a proposal for the New Year; Instead of throwing ourselves backward, let us propel ourselves forward by passing onto others that which we would like to receive in our own lives.

When you see a someone that you know, why not make the extra effort to smile instead of bitch. A smile never hurt anybody, least of all you, and besides, you get to exercise your facial muscles. You may be even perceived as being ‘pleasant’. Lets face it, there can be worse things in life.

At the end of it all we have to understand this – if it is indeed a cycle, and the bad deeds are being passed around, then logic will state that it’s only a matter of time that bad will slap us in the face again.

Let us pay [good] forward.

I wish you all Peace, Love and Happiness to you all.

From superflygirl to you – Forward ever…

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