Lifestyle | Party Hearty

I LOVE to party.

There’s a lot that can be said about party etiquette. It seems like just when we think that we’ve figured people out, without fail they do something to prove us wrong. 

With the Christmas season already here, and the New Year’s festivities right around the corner, here are some tips on how to Party Hearty.

1. Walk with your own vibe.

Don’t sponge off of other people’s vibes; pack your own vibe and take it with you. You only waste your good time and money when you head to a party only to stand around and say that the party ‘lame’, because the promoter has just been paid.

It’s… interesting, to be at a party and everyone is just standing/walking around looking really hot (or not), drinks in hand, the music is just fabulous and no one is dancing. This I refer to as the “Look at Me Syndrome.”

You are what makes the party great. They need you – not the other way around.  Don’t wait for someone to start dancing, take the initiative and bust out your best moves.

2. Be nice.

No-one likes the person with no manners, not even the kids in Kindergarten. Paying to have fun does not preclude you from saying “Thank you” or “Excuse me” to those serving you or to your fellow party mate.

Yes, the music is loud but if you step on a girl’s foot with your stilettos, apologetically make eye contact and  mouth the words “I’m Sorry.”

Don’t cut in the line. Sorry, but that is why there’s a line. Just because you know Suzie in front doesn’t give you the right to jump in front of her. 

3. Be chivalrous.

News flash, Chivalry isn’t really dead guys, it’s just that some of you choose to not exercise it.

So don’t push the ladies out of the way in your haste to get to the BBQ chicken. If you are being served at the bar and you notice the Tiny cutie next to you having trouble getting the bartender’s attention, ask her if she wants you to help her get her drink. You never know, she may not give you her number right away, but you can bet your bottom dollar that she is going to remember you as the nice buy who helped her out once.

Also, if you see that same Tiny cutie dancing alone or with her friends, DO NOT slide up to her from behind and try to dance with her without her permission. Just because you helped  Tiny cutie out, doesn’t mean that she is now obligated to dance with you.

If you want to dance with her, ask her. What is the worst that can happen? Okay, she says no. Still, that’s got to be better than being glared at by her and her friends as they think…. “Um, what a weirdo!”

4. Know your alcohol limit.

As Grown folk, we should know our alcohol limit. It’s so fake-ID and high-school  to see men and women weave their way through a crowd, looking and smelling a hot mess.

Yes, you paid your monthly salary for your ticket, but really now, no one should drink that much worth of free beer or rum, premium or not. If you are going to drink that much, top it up with some water please. Pretty please? I mean, come on!

Ladies if you plan to drink a lot, first make sure that you are in the company of trustworthy friends, because there are some crazies out there. And no one likes to be smelling like your intestinal juices. Ew. Just nasty and juvenile. Besides, we paid a lot of money for these shoes, so… not cool. 

 5. Dress to impress, not to undress.

Dress to suit the party you are going to; and this includes office parties.

For my fellow Trini’s if this office party also happens to be a Carnival fete, then (reasonably sized) shorts are appropriate as well, but don’t be a slave to fashion. It is silly to wear the latest fashions and not be comfortable in them. 

If you wearing that miniskirt, Wear It! 
No public tugging and adjusting of anything. You went through all the quality control steps right? You:

- Bought it,
- Tried it on
- Looked at yourself in the mirror and
- Thought it was both appropriate and flattering enough for you to wear to this particular event.

That dress with your half of your boobs waving at the general public, or the pants that does admittedly look hot in the mirror, but does not allow for level (i.e. ‘major’) waist movement, loses it’s appeal when you consistently try quick fixes. You then look as flighty as the fashion you wearing.

.

Forward ever!

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The Goddess Treatment

Women often lose sight of their Goddess status on this planet. It’s a cycle that should have been broken hundreds of years ago, but somehow we find ourselves sucked right into the trap, and our daughters are following right behind.

Everyday I hear from women who are told, verbally or other wise, that they will never be good enough. It’s difficult to get this out of your psyche after you believe it long enough. 

We should in fact be our biggest champions, because we cannot expect males to understand something that they’ve never experienced. If some change isn’t made soon, our daughters may never have the kind of relationships that I have been fortunate enough to have with my girlfriends.

Enter the Goddess treatment.
The Oxford dictionary states that a Goddess is a female deity; a woman who has divine status, quality or nature; One who is adored, especially for her beauty.

In some cultures Goddesses are commonly associated with the Earth, motherhood, love, and the household. In other cultures, goddesses may also be associated with functions such as war, death, and destruction as well as healing.

Either way Goddess are powerful and mean business.

In our society, Goddesses are shown everywhere, from art to fashion, yet as girls we are told that we must be seen and not heard.

The Mona Lisa one of the most famous works of Art. The woman shown isn’t the western culture’s definition of what is ‘beautiful’, but her regal and knowing look that holds our attention.

What is she thinking about?

Who is she knowingly smiling at?

What does she know that we don’t?

Yet as women, society almost encourages us to revile and be unnecessarily judgmental about each other, after all, who do you think you are, and what give you the right to be so fly? 

As a Goddess you have all the right in the world to do you.

Thing is, as a woman, being unable to find anything positive to say about another woman, even though you live the same day to day struggles that all women encounter in this life, says a lot more about you and your self esteem than it does about the person who you insist on pulling down.

We have the tendency to freely give of ourselves to others, male and female, even when there is clearly nothing that we can gain from it.

A wise woman once told me that the thing that sets us humans apart from animals is the ability to choose; No one can do us ill unless we let them. Love is a cycle – it cannot exist if it is incomplete; You cannot truly love someone else, if you do not love yourself enough to say it and show it to yourself daily, every second of everyday. 

Let us not try to seek self worth from others, but nurture and reinforce it within ourselves. This way when someone comes along and professes ‘love’ for us, since we already know what love feels like, we can call them on it when it falls dramatically short. 

.

Forward ever…

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Hair | Beweaveable

Ok. I like wearing weaves. 

But it is particularly unnerving for me to see  someone wearing something that looks like a spat out wool ball.

YUCK!

It’s very difficult for someone to focus on what you’re saying when they are trying to figure out what the hell is really going on with you upstairs.

I had that experience the other day, wanna know how I knew it was a sewn-in weave? Well, she didnt bother to cover the exposed tracks…*sigh* sigh*…*siiiiiigh*… Made me wanna snatch it out and do it over for free.

A weave is a good way to add some volume, length, highlights, a new colour, lowlights, curls, go straight, add bangs without cutting…. the list just goes oooooon! But there is a good way and a bad way to wear a weave.

These are my tips on how to get the best from your weaves.

1. Understand your features.

Pull your hair back into a bun or a ponytail and sit in front of your vanity. Look in the mirror and take in your features. It is necessary for you to consider these things, because for a weave to be flattering, the hair must match your face.

To look most natural, hair extensions must compliment your facial features, or you will draw unnecessary and unwelcomed interest to the fact that the hair on your head isn’t yours.  You should also match your hair perfectly to the weave, as the difference will be noticed immediately.

So, even if your hair is relaxed but still manages to retain a bit of its previous coarse or curly texture, there should be no trouble at all to find a weft that matches this texture perfectly, as there is more than enough variety out there to choose from.

2. Next, chose an appropriate colour.

Really, you can go two shades darker or two shades lighter than your original colour; a little lighter with the help of a professional Stylist. In choosing a colour, take into consideration not only the colour of your skin, but the colour of it’s undertones. Usually medium to darker skin tones have a yellow undertone, while fairer complexions have a pink one. The colour you chose should compliment your skin colour rather than make it look sallow.

Also, if you are going to go go lighter or darker with your extensions, make sure that any hair that is left out, for the purpose of covering the hair tracks, is properly dyed to match them.

3. Choose the right method 

Ask your hairstylist which method would be best for your lifestyle. If s/he is knowledgeable s/he would be able to explain these matters to you.

For example, if you have a really busy lifestyle, then the sewn-in option would be best. However, do understand that once this option is styled it cannot be changed easily.

If you have a more easy going lifestyle, or like to change your look often then maybe you can opt for the glued in method. This is usually a very temporary method of putting in extensions, but it lies flat on the scalp so it is less detectable by the general public. Let the stylist cut it into a more natural style when it is inserted, and walk out of there looking like the million dollars that you are.

However, we are NOT finished yet.

4. Hair Care

Never make the mistake that once you leave the salon, your hair will take care if itself. Newsflash – it won’t. 

You now have the job of taking care of your new hair. Please do NOT sleep with the hair out, all cascading on your pillows. Moisturize the natural hair that you left out and put it all away in a head scarf. 

WASH your weaves people. Rancid hair smells something disgustingly fierce. Just because it ain’t naturally yours does not mean that you don’t have to shampoo it.  Also when you get your locks washed, make sure that you have the tracks dried properly, or you get that musty smell, which is just as nasty.

You really should not wash weaves that have been glued in because the conditioner causes them to slip right out, but it should not  be a problem because you are going to change it within two weeks right???  Nice.

5. Be comfortable

Last but not least, don’t walk around touching it constantly; You will draw attention to its newness.

And before you leave the house please make sure your tracks are covered – nothing is worse than sitting next to or behind someone and you can see the tracks of their weave. Even though everyone is probably aware that you bought your ‘do, you don’t have to take the mystery out of it.

And put some makeup on. Well-kept, gorgeous, healthy looking hair, but the face looks like it just washed up on the shore with last night’s seaweed? Come on. Seriously? Who’s going to believe you?

At least put on the basics: a little blush, some mascara, a little eyeliner, some gloss and head out there and blow them away!

Forward ever!

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Finding the strength to ride the hell out.

Now we’re all smart people, or so we like to think, but sometimes I feel that the simplest things are usually the hardest to execute. Why would we stay in any kind of relationship where we don’t get anything positive out of it?

Now there are many types of relationships and it doesnt have to be a typical male/female relationship, it can be a best friend relationship or a co-worker type, or even a family relationship, but the main idea is that if you are constantly hurting then something is wrong and this needs to be addressed forthwith.

Ever notice that when you stub your toe, pain shoots up the side of your leg and it feels like a rabid dog ripped your foot off? The pain is the body’s way of telling you that there’s something severely wrong with the toe in question and this should be addressed at once, and we sit and rub said toe, and remove the offensive piece of furniture or turn on a light so we can see where we are going.

So how come it’s so easy to administer this kind of self love to our toes and the rest of our bodies but not when we are in a relationship that is causing all kinds of hurt. When our heart is hurting all the time because our parents, siblings, ‘significant’ others, or best friends are hurting us constantly, then this is the mind’s way of telling us that something is wrong in this relationship, and it’s time to turn on the proverbial light and see where we are going.

Ignoring it or putting a plaster over it is not going to make it go away. We have to want to stop the hurt, and the only way to do so is to start administering some serious self love.  

For example, a perfect scenario is the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, where nothing we do is right and we aren’t allowed to have any friendships outside of the other person, especially friends of the opposite sex. Or perhaps when our partner gets so upset that they smash the cupboard door in the bedroom, because we said something they ‘didn’t like’.

At the time it doesn’t seem like anything we can’t handle, and the pain of it all gets swept under the emotional mat. We only realize that it’s not healthy when it becomes a physical threat to our well being, and to our kids. 

My point is, that we should listen to our inner instinct to love ourselves some more. We often get so wrapped up in how much we ‘love’ someone else, that we forgot that we are supposed to love US too.  We ignore the signals that our hearts send us, and only when we think it’s going to harm our kids, do we then dig deep to find what it takes to  escape with our kids in tow, never again to return…

 

The whole point of a relationship, between two or more people, is for both to be uplifted  and enjoy each other. It’s not for one party to glean some sort of weird satisfaction in seeing the other hurt, so they can feel better about themselves.

Noone’s supposed to become an emotional punching bag.

No, it’s not ok for your mom to treat you like the village idiot, while favoring your ugly stepsister.

Your boyfriend isn’t supposed to treat you like a sex slave (i.e. against your will), or cordon you off from your friends. He isn’t supposed to spoil your Christmas party every year by arguing with you about things that make no sense at all…

What YOU get out of this relationship should come into question, and if that sounds a bit selfish well… there are bigger problems in life aren’t there?

Trust your instincts, listen to your heart and if you know it ain’t good for you – turn on a light and get the hell out.

Love your self – you are the only one of you that you have.

Forward ever…

 

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