Russian Roulette

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Further to my previous post, “Breakin’ it down | Real vs. Pseudo Alpha Males” here’s my best take on the female equivalent, from the Posers to DIVAs, and all in between. Perhaps after this the ladies will appreciate the difficulties that eligible men encounter, in trying to find a suitable partner. If you disagree, I dare you to counter.

A synopsis of the previous article, I discussed the different types of males, determined that there were loosely three types; The Real Alpha Males (RAM), The Follower and the Pseudo Alpha Male (PAM), after which I concluded that the preferable male for the serious minded, mature, intelligent professional women was in fact the RAM.

So my classes of women that I’ve observed follow:

1. The Paper Dolls
- Can be seen ‘posing’ in the club in the latest gear including the inevitable blackberry, which she is using to text her BFFs who are also in the same party (Duh. Why?).

- Can be loosely defined, personality wise, as shallow and a pack follower.

- Has no independent thought, must go to the bathroom in packs of four or more. Usually younger females, aged 18-23. Not a very good prospect for a  RAM, unless he wants all his business out in the road via BBM. Relationships, if they can be so defined, are very fleeting with these specimens.

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2. The Posers
Actually a hybrid of the Paper Dolls, and may have the same age overlap (18-26), they just tend to be a little more mature.

- Not as dependent on the BBM.

- Can operate under her own steam, but tends to use men as trophies – nice car, new threads, baddest phone, plenty bling – you get it. In short, she is attracted to only PAMs until she morphs further up the female ladder. After she morphs though, does a RAM really want to interact with her?

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3. Gold Diggers
The most difficult to identify of all the classes of females being discussed here, this specimen will appear to be genuine to the unsuspecting RAM.

- Appears not to have any BFFs (what woman do you know doesn’t have a BFF though?), can move on her own steam, and gives off the vibe of an independent woman. One example of this would be no ‘group’ bathroom breaks.

- She’s well mannered, put together to a tee, fashionable without a doubt, very chic, yet not over the top like De’ Bad Ting‘ (see below).

This is usually how she catches her prey. Deceipt, “come into my web, said the spider to the fly“, and then pounce. Before you know it the RAM will probably be down quite a few stacks in one fell swoop, then she will be onto the next victim.

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4. De Bad Ting’
Pressure with this one due to certain skills, or so I’ve been told.  Skills that the ordinary female does not possess.

- Generally are not found in the bourgeois environment. Additionally, PAMs have been known to cultivate one or two in addition to their bourgeois PIM (professional, intelligent mature) women.

This female adds nothing to the RAM or PAM except for the purported ‘additional skills’ which are not in the scope of this article.

NB: Two (2) Bad Tings’ in one area, interacting with the same RAM or PAM will be cause for serious drama.

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5. The Jaggabat
De’ Bad Ting’ squared.

Boy if I have to explain that one for you, Wow. With that in mind, we’ll leave it as… “De’ Bad Ting squared”.

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6. The DIVA
All hail the Diva, “You shall kowtow before me. I am the centre of the universe – yours and mine. Begone before me“.

As said with that opening statement, you are expected to wait hand and foot on the Diva, her needs/wants supersede everyone else.

And finally…

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7. The Professional, Intelligent Mature Women (PIM)
Definitely the cream of the crop for the RAM, PAM and The Follower alike. She is independent and trusting. Read: No:

• “who she?” (How do you know her… again?)
• “wha’ she name?” (Why haven’t I heard her name before? You guys seem awfully chummy for her to be a newcomer)
• “why you talkin’ to she?” (I’m not understanding her relevance. Care to explain?)

These ladies are caring, friendly, and generally a complement to any RAM who is blessed to be in a relationship with her (if she is in a relationship with a PAM, that’s self destructive. See previous article.

So there you have it, a broad look of the many different versions of the female homo-sapien that can be covered in this very concise article. Count them, SEVEN (7) different types of ladies to interact with. Think that’s bad?

Let me complicate this even more.

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Males are generally set in their ways once a RAM, PAM or The Follower, always a RAM, PAM or The Follower. Women however, like the beautiful butterflies that they can be compared to, can morph into variations of the 7 different versions. Hybrids.

Do you see how difficult that can be for us men to deal with? We can actually encounter a female who is a Poser with DIVA tendencies….PRESSURE. Or what about a Paper Doll with a Gold Digger finish? My head hurts with all the combinations….ARRGH…!!!!

Here’s more, look at this scenario:

• Female A is a Poser she hookups with one or more PAMs, which causes her to become very jaded when looking at men in general. She morphs beautifully into a PIM. What chance does a RAM have in this situation? Does he have to pay for the misdeeds of the PAMs before him…? Is it his fault that PAMs are A-holes? See he’s starting, thru no fault of his own, last in the race. Tough break.

In closing, I would encourage women to not write-off (you know you do) guys who come up to talk to you, normally with no sexual connotations.

Sure, you may have no idea what type of man he may be (roughly 3 to pick from), but he has no clue whatsoever where on the female evolutionary cycle or what permutation/combination of the aforementioned cycle you may be at. Geeze. GIVE HIM A CHANCE.  Talk to him first before you give him the X. He may be your RAM.

**Disclaimer**: Please note that any age groups proposed here for each female class are not hard and fast, they can vary. It is possible to have a 22 year old PIM, or a 30 year old Paper Doll.

Vox out.

Photo: Roland Darby / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Breakin’ it down | Real vs. Pseudo Alpha Males

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We hear it all the time. The slim pickings that women have to choose from when it comes to men. I really don’t think it’s that complicated. In my view, men can be classified into three groupings:

1. Real Alpha Male (RAM):
Natural born leader, true gentleman, monogamous individual, treats ladies with the utmost respect, was brought up and not dragged up. Does not associate with PAMs (see below).

2. The Follower Male: Generally follows the lead of the Alpha Male.
Decent human being, in presence of Alpha will not disrespect Ladies at all. Has some ‘broughtupcy’ (raised to know how to be respectful).

3. Pseudo Alpha Male (PAM):
Displays the characteristics of an Alpha male by imitation, external trappings (clothes, shoes, cars etc.). Treats ladies with utmost disrespect and disdain. Views women as trophies. Plays on womens’ insecurities.

Enter the Woman:

Mature, intelligent professional.

For the purpose of this exercise we will assume that these women are in the majority, which they generally are.

Why do these ladies continually find themselves attracted to the third class men, and then moan and groan when they find themselves in a relationship which is not fulfilling? One where the man treats them like property, continuously belittles them, treats their friends with scant courtesy and runs their lives?

Hmmm. Let’s see.

My theory is that these women are attracted to the Pseudo Alpha Male (PAMs) simply because he has an edge, a vibe that can be easily mistaken by the female for Real Alpha Male (RAM) vibes, when in reality, it is all false.  It is what is also referred to as, the ‘bad boy vibe‘. Extrapolating this, we can thus see how women unfortunately fall prey to the ‘Bad Boy Syndrome’ or BBS, because it so closely resembles the real deal.

Some pointers for ladies to determine the difference between the PAM and the RAM:

• The RAM does not call attention to himself
  People naturally gravitate towards him – male and female alike, whereas the PAM is constantly trying to garner attention by exhibiting himself in some form or fashion. Attitude, clothing, you name it.

• The RAM does not try to ‘get into your pants’ when first interacting with you.
  He genuinely would like to know you better first, before moving forward. He has not automatically bedded all the women that he currently speaks with /has spoken to. The PAM wants the hookup, the notch on the belt, the trophy.

• The RAM upon receiving your number, does not immediately call i.e. within 203 days, to suggest some intimate getaway between you two, and would rather a meet in a public setting e.g. bar or restaurant. The PAM can’t wait to get you in the sack. BEWARE!!!

• The RAM generally has no time for A-holes or PAMs and will not be fraternizing with them, except for very brief, perfunctory greetings. The RAM associates easily with other RAMs, whereas the PAM is readily surrounded by A-holes or other PAMs. Keep the eyes open ladies and OBSERVE !

• The RAM does not continue to force himself on you once it has been determined that friendship is your goal.
  The PAM can’t stop pushing and will not take any subtle hints

When in a relationship, identification is easier:
PAM

• have no respect for your wants/needs
• Cannot interact with BFFs, may even try to hit on them to hookup
• Parents are totally against him, as they come equipped with special PAM detecting devices.

RAM

• Considerate to your needs/wants
• usually a hit with all your friends, even de’ ‘bad man’ ex. He completely defuses a potentially volatile scenario with talk and non threatening body language.
• Parents are in love, if not careful you may find them monopolising all of his time.

In conclusion, I can say that it has been observed that RAMs can exhibit PAM-like behaviour after undergoing certain stimuli:

1. A Horn’ from a now ex-girlfriend
2. Bad Breakup

Fortunately this RAM will revert to normal behaviour after a few months.

Stay tuned for the female counter tomorrow.

Vox out.

Photo: Timeless Photography / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Duh. She’s Not That Into You.

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Issue Critical : ‘Men need to open their eyes and make a proper assessment when they meet a woman, before assuming that lady in question wants more that a friendship.’

This is how I’ve calculated that women’s mind works guys. Check out this scenario.

A woman meets you for the first time. You are introduced to her by a mutual friend (situation works best if mutual friend is another woman). You seem to hit it off and you’re having a really good rapport, good conversation (no excessive flirting, no physical contact) so you figure

*hey, why not? Lemme ask for her number.*

You are fortunate enough to be given said number, and so by this time you’re saying to yourself.

*I’m the shizznit, she’s really digging me….*

Boing.

WRONG.

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This will be the blink just before you put your foot in your mouth.

Her apparent thought process will include at least one of the following:

1. You’ve been introduced to her by one of the friends that she trusts, which will most likely lead her to believe that you are not a complete A-HOLE (a trait that she may have associated with most of your species). You have been given a free pass to converse, and maybe, and occasionally, take a little dance (in the event that soca is playing – for all my Caribbean folks), and everybody gettin ‘on bad (having a fantastic time at the party – for my non Caribbean folk). Just a little cautious wine, (complex and dancing movements that involve heavy/ rigourous hip gyrations) – and definitely, No Hands..!!
2. She will speak to you initially out of respect and politeness to her friend. Don’t take it for anything else.
3. It’s been said that, within the first few minutes of meeting a guy, a woman knows within the first few minutes of meeting would have already decided whether you are going to be classified as:
   • A Friend (F)
     Purely platonic relations. NO PHYSICAL !! aka – She’s not attracted to you whatsoever. Hard luck.
   • A More Than Friend (MTF).
     The possibility of an some sort of relations exist, usually with a little bit of the eros in there somewhere.
   • One Nighter (ON or FB).
     You can possibly fill that need of hers to release that bodily tension or stress, or just have good times – ones that last usually just a few hours, and do not, under any circumstance, extend or relate to any interaction that she may have for you whatsoever the next day. You get my drift.

Let this be a recurring script in your head, the one further away from the ground.

If you’re classified as a friend, that decision has been cast in stone.

Nothing you say or do can and will change that outcome. You have been deemed unworthy of an MTF or ON status. Of course, this may not be your ideal scenario, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either. After all, you may have the makings of a really great friendship. What you do with this situation is entirely up to you.

Too many times I’ve seen gentlemen throw themselves at women, and actually believe that they have a chance at something besides friendship, just because the woman in question responds. Chances are, if she not even a little bit into you, she’ll never be. Accept it, move on, and learn  how to read the signs so that you won’t lose a potentially good friend and/ or frustrate the living daylights out of yourself.

Some of the identifiers:

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Same scenario as above; You get introduced to the new lady by a mutual female friend. You are talking – amazing convo. Suddenly she’s closer to you. Her hand may ‘accidentally’ touch yours, or she may find various different excuses to lightly caress you – largely in jest or to perhaps assist you with something. She is very attentive to you and your needs. If you’re in a club, she might even offer to go accompany you while you get her a drink.

This happens? Yeah. She’s definitely into you.

Sure nothing is cast in stone so this is not fool proof. I know that I’m going to get, “but I got into a relationship with a really good guy friend of mine and we’re still together and I didn’t classify him as a MTF or as ON…what gives….?”

Oh boy, I’m gonna have fun with this one, YES YOU DID…!!!!! You see women, being the generally decent and well brought up individuals that they are, do not like to ‘mash up ting’, so if the following external stimuli are applied, then you will classify the man in question as a FRIEND, but deep down, you know you want him:

1. He’s in a committed relationship
2. You’re in a committed relationship
3. You dating someone but you ent’ sure yet…

Lemmi hear yuh now.

Vox Rationis

Team GC | Introducing “Vox Rationis”

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Introducing yet another member of the GC family, Vox Rationis (Voice of Reason), a welcomed male voice as it would seem that lately, although (mostly) solid, male voices tend to go largely unheard. So… who is he anyways?

Vox Rationis is the quintessential Renaissance man.

An IT man by trade and education, he competently juggles his successful consultancy with photography, magazine publishing, iron chef skills and now, blogging.

At thirty-six years old, Vox Rationis has spent years quietly observing the War of the Sexes, and has decided he can no longer stay quiet. As an admirer and respecter of the ‘fairer sex’, he feels that he has a useful perspective to offer on how to help navigate the treacherous waters of dating in the modern age, and the ability to offer it with wit and humour. Also look out for articles on whatever catches his eye.

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Let the fun begin.

Agree with him or not, Vox Rationis will no doubt at times ‘balance’ the strong female voices heard in and around glamitycalamity.com. Who knows? Maybe sometime in the near future Vox will have some company ’round here, if not in the form of bonifide posts, at least in the form of comments.

Will all the real men please stand up!. **’Nova ducks big stone…**

A BIG GC WELCOME!

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