Springing Forward —–>

Spring time!

Well, with the temperatures that I’ve been experiencing over the past week in these parts, it feels more like summer but I know better than to say it too loud let alone BELIEVE temperatures may not dip again until September.

Still, gotta love Spring though.

It brings with it a sense of renewal, endless possibilities and just a general feeling of rebirth. And why not? The days are longer – extended by an easy 5 hours at least, the sun is out, the place is brighter and the great depression that is winter season is but a distant memory. Hell, I feel like I’ve moved cities. Winter blues what? Arguably, the best of all, there’s little [no] need to pop those ‘happy’ [Vitamin D] pills – Goodbye Seasonal Affective Disorder!

It’s like the ‘April showers’ washed away the proverbial death, darkness and gloom and have made way for the reawakening of the earth.

Just yesterday, I peered out my window – my view of the road below obscured by bare and barren sticks attached to branches on the grandfather tree that appeared to have called it quits after the winter had it’s way with it; All signs of life removed.

Only to wake up this morning and there is it – LIFE. Leaves a’ sproutin’, branches be swayin’ in the wind, and once again, there is abundant life. As harsh as the winter wants to be, with every spring hope returns. Without fail, there is renewal every year.

“Do you worst…”, said the tree, “.. for I have what I need to weather your fiercest storm”.

You see, though all of the auxiliaries may be lost – the flowers, the leaves, even some of the branches – the root… the core… the soul remains in tact, and therefore regeneration is always possible.

Likewise, in our trials, sometimes we may lose some stuff along the way – people, possessions, sometimes even family, but as long as we hold tight to our core self, we are possible. It is when we are stripped down to our bare selves, that we find there is opportunity to re-emerge – Fresher. Healthier. Happier, and with any hope, smarter.

After all, when we’ve hit rock bottom, and dug downward the furthest we can go till we hear the ‘klang ‘klang of metal against metal, there is really no other direction left to go but up. And on this trek back upward, with the help of the sun shining  though, we can see clearly now, because guess what, we’ve past it all on the way down!

Only now, we’re armed with the knowledge of what is and isn’t for us this ’rounds. So it’s really up to us to choose not to pay that tuition twice.

Just now to pull out the microfiber and dust off our [vintage] glare blockers, aka hater mace, and, with a little a pep in our step, move smartly along with our determination to push on through.

b Freakin’Fabulous

Photo: razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Body Concious | Rocking Ruffles

S2011| Emilio Pucci

Ruffles, much like the graphic prints of the season, add detail to a garment, but more than that, they also add volume.

They are dramatic, and bring attention to the area. With this in mind you can use ruffles to your advantage, by incorporating them in areas that you may find, well, lacking.

The size of the ruffles that you don should coincide with how much drama you wish to attract to that specific area.

How to Make Ruffles Work for You

Generally speaking, the placement of the ruffles will depend on your body shape – Pear, Inverted Triangle, Apple, Hourglass or Athletic – As ruffles, along with other embellishment trends like as feathers for example, work at attracting attention to an area, which, as a result, then removes the focus from other areas that you’d prefer not to play up as much.

The basic rules that apply when working the ruffles, feathers or embellishment trends on the above body shapes are as follows:

1. PEAR

Shoulders, chest and waist proportionally smaller than hips and thighs.

S2011 | Valentino

Focus ruffles in your top half, and keep lower half simple.

Ruffles located along interesting necklines like boat, and cold shoulder styles, draw attention away from lower half.

2. INVERTED TRIANGLE

Proportionately larger top half. Wider shoulders, little or no hips, slim legs

S2011 | Giorgio Armani

Balance broad shoulders with ruffled volume on lower half. Create the illusion of a waist by adding a belt.

3. APPLE

Proportionately larger waistline. Smaller shoulders, chest and hips. Slim legs.

S2011 | Alberta Ferretti

Whereas adding a belt a tied waistband will draw attention and add weight to the midsection,  ruched fabric in the the midsection area works at both camouflaging and minimizing waist.

Intricate necklines, and asymmetrical hems will also help divert attention away from midsection

Horizontal ruffles placed off center gives the illusion of an elongated torso. Alternatively, ruffle detail may be placed along V-neckline and/ or along hemline (either at knee or floor grazing, not in-between).

4. HOURGLASS

Proportionately smaller waist, chest and hips are wider and somewhat balance each other.

S2011 | Prada

This body shape naturally has volume in the desired places. Add ruffles in areas that do not put the flow in imbalance, like at the hem of a knee length pencil skirt ala Prada.

5. ATHLETIC

No areas are particularly wider, or narrower than the rest. Negligible difference between chest, waist and hip measurements.

S2011 | Jill Sanders

A blank canvas – add ruffles wherever there is desire to add more volume

• Up top to enhance cleavage
• Around waist to make a statement or
• Around hips to add curves.

ADDITIONAL TIPS

1. A smart way to wear ruffles is to wear small ones horizontally on a sheath dress silhouette – considered to be  universally flattering. This way, like stripes, the ruffles elongate rather than widen.
2. Ruffles, like feathers or jeweled embellishments, are noisy beings.  So that you do not start answering yourself, at least not in public, keep accessories minimal and  makeup natural.

b Freakin’Fabulous

Dodging Fashion Roadkill | The Maxi Dress

S2011 | Micheal Kors

As long as there are women, there will always be the Maxi dress. Designers must find this fact annoying because, perhaps in an effort to relieve their boredom, they’ve decided to inject different textures and structures into this spring/ summer staple. The possible result? An epic miss, with some of the most unflattering combinations known to man… or in this case, woman.

The word “Maxi”, as it applies to a dress (or skirt), refers to either length (usually floor grazing) or fullness  (voluminous) – either way there is a whole lot of fabric. The goal of a Maxi dress is to create the illusion of easy sophistication, but this punchline can easily get muddled when designers run with such wild abandon in the park of imagination,  that they miss the mark  totally.

Most of trends for this Spring/ Summer 2011 (S2011) may be seen somewhere on a Maxi Dress near you. Beware of the pitfalls.

1. The See-Through-Maxi

S2011 Trend: Lace/ See-through Fabrics

S2011 | Giorgio Armani

The issue: Visible underwear, isn’t Sexy. [Visibly] going without underwear, tramp style, is worse.  No-one is interested in seeing your ‘titillating’ ‘assets’. This dress will flatter noone with an ounce of flesh. Much more than the sheer fabric will be… bouncing… in the wind.

S2011 | Givenchy

The solution: Go sheer without going bare. Printed sheer materials can offer less translucency that plain coloured ones. Also, well placed detailing can detract, or conceal, areas of perverted interest. Depending on the dress, you can wear a (modern) slip.

2. The Bright, Boxy, Structured, Maxi

S2011 Trend: Bold Colours/ Menswear/ Suits

S2011 | Jill Saunders

The issue: Your waist called. He misses you.

May be laid back,  but this look is definitely not sexy. All that’s missing here are the potatoes, which is ironic because that’s probably the last thing that’s available  on that menu.

Proportions. Proportions. Proportions. An hourglass shape, or the illusion of one, is the key to classic style. Also,tThe overly structured look of this dress defeats the purpose of a Maxi dress.

S2011 | Lanvin

The solution: The bold colour rocks. Keep the structure to an asymmetrical neckline and a belted waist.

3. The Retro Maxi

S2011 Trend: Retro/ 60s Ladylike/ Red carpet glam

S2011 | Vivienne Westwood

The issue: More like 60s/ Ladylike Prom, and looks like the dress equivalent to helmet head – Untouchable.

S2011 | Lanvin

The solution: Switch up the fabric. Interpret the retro ladylike, rather than raid your mother/ grandmother’s closet. Similar silhouette, different reaction.

4. The Graphic Maxi (I)

S2011 Trend: Floral Prints

S2011 | Jill Saunders

The issue: Large prints, like this floral overwhelms petite frames. The dress’s voluminous nature around the waist area also does not complement a woman’s figure.

S2011 | Marc Jacobs

The solution: Choose a floral print that is proportional to your size – larger frames are better able to carry larger prints. Add interest to a floor grazing floral number with a contrasting detail in a complementary colour at the waist. Peek-a-boo skin, unveiled through a v-neck, gives balance to a potentially, visually dizzying number.

5. The Graphic Maxi (II)

S211 Trend: Bold Colours/ Geometric Prints/ Asymmetrical hems

S2011 | Vivienne Westwood

The Issue: An effort is made to highlight the waist with a twist-tie, but the  over-sized vertical stripes + no structure + peculiar dress length + bold colours+ excess fabric = Please Stop. My head hurts.

S2011 | Marc Jacobs

The solution: One voice at a time. Keep silhouettes, to dresses in busy fabrics, simple. The ruching detail in the right places breaks the monotony, and gives a flattering look to even the no-no horizontal stripe rule.

6. The White Maxi

S2011 Trend: All White/ Minimal/ 60s Ladylike

S2011 | Chloé

The issue: The abundance of fabric on the top half, in white no less, coupled with a gathered waist would make for an excessively commodious, unflattering look on most humans.

S2011 | Chloé

S2011 | Chloé

The solution: A wrap dress, or one that mimics it, is universally flattering, even in white, as it breaks up the details, as well as highlights the natural waist.

Tip: A V-neck works better than a round neck for fuller and/ or curvier figures.

7. The Unfinished Maxi

S2011 Trend: Asymmetrical Hems / Metallic/ Sheer/ Unfinished Detailing

S2011 | Vivienne Westwood

The issue: The first issue is the trend itself – Unfinished garments. Unhemmed garments, unclipped trimmings. A frayed, fuzzy look with thread dangling everywhere. Why? I’ll file this in the juvenile section, right next to destructed jeans.

More than the hems, the statement is undone in this crinkly, scratchy, bed-head looking kit, the draping of which also makes for an unflattering profile. Besides, if you are going to tote all of this fabric, and still have a peep show, why not just don a fitted, loosely crocheted dress instead? Oh yeah, that’s also a don’t.

S2011 | Micheal Kors

The solution: Just because the fabric has a metallic finish, doesn’t mean it has to look like it will cut you. Switching up the fabric to a touchable knit, (one that is also less sheer), and tightening the silhouette a touch, gives the still-asymmetrical look an easy-going, figure-enhancing flow. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

8. The Body Concious Maxi

S2011 Trend: Body Concious/ White/ Lace/ Sheer Fabrics

S2011 | Emilio Pucci

The issue: The combination of the above trend may make for a body conscious, but not a body flattering combo. Perhaps this would be better worn as resort wear, in the form of a beach cover-up.

S2011 | Emilio Pucci

The solution: Emphasize your curves in one trend. Either in lace/ sheer fabrics OR a body hugging silhouette.

OTHER USEFUL TIPS

1. DO give unexpected skin via a high slit or an asymmetrical hemline to give overly voluminous , or excessively lengthy dresses a modern edge, as Emilio Pucci does here.

S2011 | Emilio Pucci

S2011 | Emilio Pucci

2. DO play with the Military trend with ‘sober’ colour choices – e.g. olive green, navy, combined with subtle masculine detailing.

S2011 | Lanvin

Whoever said that Power can only be unleashed in a pant suit must have never experienced the Power of a Maxi.

b Freakin’Fabulous

If you do one thing for the Holidays…

.

There are two types of people in this world. Those who fuss about the holidays, and those who don’t.

You know, the ones who stress themselves out about what everyone else will think, only to stress and bicker some more that the people who they were fretting for didn’t give a rat’s behind. Then there are those who live on the flip-side of this planet – the ones who don’t so much as buy a card for nobody, including moms.

If you do one thing to prepare for the holiday season, DETOX. Physically and mentally.

The festive season is usually a time of great excess, so prepare yourself for it in order that you don’t overindulge, over do, and over be, only to then be pressured into setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Goals of which you do not express loudly of course, because, nowadays, telling people that you’ve set ‘New Years resolutions’ for yourself is soooooo last decade. *Goooooosh*.

It’s all about the winging it, innit? Forget the goal setting, just freestyle the next 365 days of your life. Brilliant!

I digress.

The Holiday Season.

Excessive food.
Excessive conversation.
Excessive drinking.
Excessive spending.
Excessive skin teet.

Prepare your body and mind for it. Eliminate the the current build up of toxins, before you open up and indulge in new ones, so that come 01022011, you don’t feel chock full of bile and regret. Allow yourself enough psychological and physicial space to properly deal with excesses drama that don’t belong to you; the stuff that messes with your zen and makes your year start off with a *Pfffft* rather than a *How you like DEM apples!” kinda thing.

And while you are detoxing yourself, why not clean up your environment?

Schedule a Fall cleaning.

Declutter your space and make room for everything that you will and hope to receive in the new year.

SORT OUT YOUR *ISH.

Give the lightly used, clothing or otherwise, to charity, to someone you know, or to a family in need. For some of us, the unused stuff that you got on clearance because it was a ‘deal’, and paid no mind to the fact that it neither fits, nor compliments your shape nor anything else in your closet for that matter, also qualifies. Let’s face it, if you haven’t used it in a year, worse if you live in a climate that does NOT change for the entire year, then chances are you aren’t using it for a reason.

“Fabulous” fits and flatters. “Unfabulous” doesn’t.

Do yourself and the public at large a favour and give unfab away. Freely.

And while we’re getting busy with it…volunteer.

So you can’t buy something for everyone that you know is in need, but you can give of your time, your energy or perhaps of your experience. It is said the the less time that you spend focusing on yourself, the more you appreciate what and those that you have, especially when you spent your time with people who are less fortunate than you are.

Theory of relativity.

That’s like me stressing out yesterday about having lost my son’s bag, and his entire ‘LIFE’ along with it on the subway.

Stressful? Sure. I guess someone got an early Christmas. But when I think about the fact that I could have lost him???… well, losing a fun-filled knapsack ain’t so bad in the grand scheme of things. Go ahead and enjoy.

b Freakin’Fabulous.

Photo credits: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

That’s the Spirit

If I’ve ever had a doubt about my ability to make lemon martinis, well not anymore!

Call me a bartender.

Being doused in freshly squeezed, premium lime does burn a little, hell a lot, but it sure does clean you up well. *Sparkel*

Lemon juice gets rid of all the dirt and grime, the excess layers, and magnificently leaves a shine in areas that were over scuffed.

2010 is soon coming to a close. For most of us its a happy time of year. People generally have, at least, decent moods, companies give away food and booze, and you get to see your boss behaving in ways you’d never imagine, which of course ensures that your job is secure for at least another year. Guilt is a hell of a thing.

Living in Canada, I get to celebrate Thanksgiving twice. The first time, when Canada celebrates it, and then another when the ‘rest of the world’ , or so the US believes, celebrates it.

• More food.
• More good times
• More shopping sure, but more importantly,

more time to reflect on why I ought to be thankful, and, despite however I may feel during what can seem to be an incalculable amount of  ceiling-mounted, fire-blazing hoops, why I am truly blessed.

Blessed beyond measure.

Then, on the heels of Thanksgiving, comes the jolly old Ho.

Well, the Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho-liday Season. A time where kids believe and receive; something that we often seem to lose as ‘adults’ because, oh…

“Santa isn’t real”

Some of us can be such party poppers. What IS real?

My perception, IS my reality. Party poop that.

After all, isn’t that what ‘Santa’ is really about? ….Believing?

It’s not about being able to circle the globe in one night, Stupid. We all got over that decades ago. It’s not about religion or politics, or about who got the best present, who’s sucked, and who got none at all, because we all get presents.

We get presents everyday. We get the gift of opportunity; the opportunity to create or squander, to live and learn or to mentally and emotionally succumb to our thought processes.

“Santa” is about  the spirit of happiness; that of thankfulness; that of believing.

The selfless act of giving and receiving, of sharing fun times with family and friends, and learning how best to endure those members of your family, who,  at some point in your life you’ve secretly prayed to, one day, not be related to – not in public at any rate.

I believe in Santa. Party Poop that.

Know that you will never receive anything unless you believe. Not happiness, not material gain, not friends (outside of the electric friend generator) and definitely not presents.

So yeah, I’m reflecting a bit early this year. Hell, this year was so special I was reflecting since March.

Reflecting on what I’ve achieved this past year, how my plans have panned out or not, the wagons that I jumped on and those that i was violently thrown off. Reflecting on the experiences that I enjoyed, but would never in life do again. On the goals that I’ve attained and the ones that no longer fit into my life script. Giving thought to those individuals who I have had the privilege to meet – those who have helped me unveil a landscape that I’ve neither seen nor experienced before, and who I’ve been sanctified to finally depart ways from.

Hallelujah and Amen.

Departure from what was once good, but has over time become rancid and toxic is good all the time, and all the time it is good. It’s like a fantastically yummy nugget of self-renewal; a guilty pleasure. The euphoria associated with finally being able to put down that knapsack full of porous, limestone rock that you’ve been carrying around on your shoulder blade for a minute, only to discover that you never, ever in life have to pick it up again.

Relief!

There’s some good to grating a barrel of limes after all. For in the end, no matter how haphazardly things are thrown in the air, all must fall and settle on the ground once again. I am most appreciative of the fact that no sharp objects collided with me on the way down.

There’s lots to be thankful for in this life.

I am thankful for my lemons; all of them, for it is because of them I know who I am.

Pieces.

be Freakin’Fabulous

The Frog Prince | Is that YO’ man?

Sitting in a car stuck in traffic, my attention is caught by a small, but noticeable brawl happening in the car next to me. The driver of the car was being verbally whipped by his female companion.

Chick: “Wa yuh watching she so for eh!?“

Dude: “Baby, I wasn watching nobody.”

Chick: “Yes! ah see yuh! yuh was watching that skinny Bi-atch. Yuh fine she nice, eh?”

Two slap pelt.

Chick: “Eh? eh? whey she is? lemme firetruck she up.”

I have to admit the ish was funny, I mean who doesn’t like a little gridlock drama to break up the monotony of the red-light that will not turn.

But  when their car pulled up level with mine and she started cursing ME? Well that was a different set of laughter altogether. Why was she angry with me? What did I do? Driving off, the last I saw, chick was jumping out the car to get over to the driver’s side.

I didn’t think about it much, until I was forced to remember the episode when I was at dinner later that same week.

Now, first things first, you know this diva. She don’t leave her house looking like no VIT [Vagrant in Training]. Skinny Jeans, nice shirt and, since I really liked the fella who was taking me out, he was worthy of me bringing out the big guns –  SLAMMIN’ heels.

Oblivious to anyone other than my my date, I take my seat, and the night begins on a lovely note.

Enter twenty minutes, and I become conscious of not one but two pairs of eyes glaring at me. Two ladies, both on their own dates, are giving me LEVEL cut eye. They’re strangers to one another and they are unaware of each other, but from my vantage point I can see that this is not going to turn out well if I am not careful. Simply because, try as they hard as they could, their male counterparts are trying not to look as if they are looking at me, and one idiot just gave up the fight and stared at me without any thought for his companion.

Now, please do not think that I am standing on a corner toot-toot-tooting on my little rusty horn. I am by no means a pagent queen, and would be the first to tell you that I ain’t no exotic beauty. I should have known that those shoes would have that kind of effect on men. They were my CFMs/ FMPs, [if you are unsure about what THAT is click here] and NO MAN can resist.

But I get away from my topic.

I am wondering why it is that we ladies are quick to attack another woman, an innocent woman, just because she exists, when the problem is clearly the fault of the toads we sometimes try to turn into princes?

How is it my fault that their MAN (temporary or not) does not respect them. I have been there too, sitting in the front seat of a car and my companion is distracted by a pair of long legs or a buxom beauty. Out comes the tongue, looney tunes style, eyes bug out on springs, and the hearts fly above the ears. The brave ones (or the stupid ones – you pick) may even go so far as to say:

“Pssst, O lord gyal, yuh sexy too bad! MMM! Ah HONG-gry!“

If I am out on a date, or its my BF, then I find some way to politely remind him that I am still breathing beside him, and then I either let this disaster take its course and remind myself that I am quite capable of taking a taxi, head for the hills, never again to return.

Ladies: Life Lesson # 456.

.

Never tolerate your date/boyfriend disrespecting you in any way whatsoever.

Take into consideration, however, that if he takes a peep, without hurting your feelings. He’s trying. After all he ain’t dead or blind. But at least he has taken into consideration that you are there beside him and he is  aware that you have feelings. Never make a scene. You are just opening the door for him to disrespect you some more. Possibly to give his card to the lady he was oogling when you leave to go to the bathroom, having just written you off as drama he could do without.

And, # 678,

Never EVER blame the other woman.

Unless she sashays brazenly over to the table where you are sitting enjoying your meal, looking at each other all googly-eyed, drinking your champagne, all arms curled, you know honeymoon style, Unless she offers her self to him and makes and holds eye contact with your stallion, inviting him to mount, Unless she takes out her boob and flings it at him thereby catching and keeping his attention, you need to be taking out whatever vexation you have on your man.

Rinse and Repeat.

YOU accepted the responsibility of training a toddler, didn’t you?

You, my friend, are the one who chose this poor excuse for a human being, and let him share the divine castle that is your life. You saw the signs; you know how he do. What you fretting with the innocent for?

In fact, I’d even go so far as to say: It’s YOUR issue. Take it up with yourself.

Because you are the one who is sending the message that you are not worthy of being treated like the ‘princess’ that you obviously think you are. Wake up! If you have kissed this frog a thousand times and he still doesn’t go POOF! and turn into the handsome, gallant prince – smoke, mice and footman included – see him for what he is, a toad, gather him up, and take him back to the sewer where you found him. *splish!* He’s home now, and believe me he’s happy.

But if you keep him *smile* and he treats you the only way he knows how being a toad from the sewer, i.e. like ish, then who’s fault is that? The hot W.O.W. wearing the killer heels, sitting with her own Prince, who incidentally is not looking anywhere else but at her object of affection, who couldn’t be bothered with the chicken heads.

“No ma’am sorry but I don’t feel like chicken today. How about a rump roast, medium rare, sauce on the side please and thank you.”

And resumes staring lovingly at his companion? My fault? NOOOO. Its YOUR fault baby, for not reading GC more often, and applying the tips we share every damn day for cleaning out your closet.

Trust me, these dramatic displays of emotion never do anything but paint you as the needy, emotionally unbalanced, grasping, human being you are, [or are not].

Try this instead:

In carefully modulated tones, and with the sweetest smile that you can conjure up on your face, say:

“Um, hey hun – are you about to go give her your number? Cause if you are, let me give her for you. I was just thinking that you two would make a lovely couple. She is so your type.

Sooo…  Should we order now?”

And then make a mental note to call your friend when you get to the ladies, and see if they still wanna hit the club after this dinner is over, cause if homeboy don’t realize that you are Fabulously Fierce, then he deserves to be left behind, sitting next to his sewer waiting for his next victim to come along and mistake him for a Frog Prince.

Let someone else handle that mess.

Forward ever.

Stupid Happens

The tabloids are dominated by stories of those naughty male celebrities.

Tiger.

Rooney.

Both cheated on their wives.

Some men cheat with other women friends, others with prostitutes. The age old case of men not knowing how to keep it in their pants. If I were to ask you to identify a relationship crime where the man is the victim, what would you say? Cheating?

I would say pregnancy.

There are so many unplanned pregnancies; mine was one of them. Luckily, I was already married, so didn’t have to depend on hubby to “do the right thing“. He did that ten years ago because he loved me – not because he had to.

My question is: why do women in this day and age continue to put themselves in such a precarious situation? It is plain carelessness!

What’s that you said?

“Accidents happen.”

BS.

What?

“Condoms break.”

“Pills don’t work.”

Are you for real?

When you really think about the responsibility of bringing a child into this earth and all that goes with that, can we as women really afford to continue to let “accidents happen”?

Before I go pointing fingers, let me first look in the mirror.

Thing is, having done well by my uterus and given birth, I can safely say that the second line appeared on that dreaded stick because I let my guard down – you know, the guard of my womb. Officer Condom and his side kick, Officer “What day is it in my cycle?”

Can’t blame anyone else but myself. Now, yes I love my my son, yes, I was already married and yes, Iexisted within the perfect environment for a baby. This we know. However, I do sometimes think:

“What if hubby and I weren’t married?”

Would he have married me if I got pregnant? And would he have just married me because I was pregnant? It would have been forced not as natural and beautiful as it was almost ten years ago, when he stood at the altar waiting for me. And yes I was in a dress.

I sometimes ask myself why women put themselves in such stupid situations. There are a number of reasons. The first one that comes to mind is no regard for the future, in all the ways you can imagine that word.

So you get pregnant. Options?

1. Have the baby.
   Keep it or give it up for adoption.
2. Have an abortion.

With option 1 you get to deal with all of the changes your body goes through to have the baby.

Getting fat.

Loss of bladder control.

Hormones.

Mood swings.

Flatulence. All of this before your water breaks.

Then there is the actual having the baby. The intense pain. Feeling like you are going to give birth to Saturn. Having someone you don’t know wipe your ass. (I said that like having someone you know wipe your ass is better! Mimi!) The tearing. The stitches. I think I’ve made my point.

Or, you can go choose to deal with the fallout of option 2.

If you have an abortion, there is the risk that you damage your womb and threaten your chances of having children in the future.

As women, we go on and on about being equal, or sometimes superior, and yet we can’t seem to control the very thing that makes us an object of desire and the subsequent consequences. Our poom poom!

As we would say in Trinidad:

“doh lie dong on yuh back if yuh eh ready for de pong.”

And as a woman, why would you want a man to marry you because you are pregnant? I think that is insulting. Degrading even. I don’t want a man to marry me because it is the right to do by my blossoming uterus. Or because my father would kill him. I want him to marry me because he wants to marry me. The key word there being ME.

And don’t tell me women get pregnant by accident! The word “accident” is so misleading. Statements like “it was an accident” are so trivial. So you got knocked up by accident? An accident that has repercussions in the form of another human being?

The dictionary defines accident as “an unfortunate mishap; especially one causing damage or injury”. Other definitions allude to an accident being something that is unexpected. Unexpected. All women should know you that if you choose to get laid without protection, you should expect that you can/ will get pregnant.

Nothing unexpected about that!

What? You didn’t expect it to happen to you?  So… when the sperm swims up your vaginal canal into your uterus and sees the egg…she should shout “Halt! Nothing happening here today!”

Doesn’t work like that ladies! Sorry.

Ladies, we need to take more responsibility for our wombs. It belongs to no one else but us. Not our men, whether they be our husband or a random guy you banged last weekend. You wouldn’t expect a random man to clean your house or pay your bills. So why ask men to take responsibility for something that belongs to you?

Solutions?

.

Become aware of your body, your cycle, and know the fertile days from the non-fertile days. Use two types of contraception. – The pill and condoms.

I can’t stress this enough. I am so tired of hearing about women getting pregnant by accident. And I have many friends who this has happened to. It just bothers me that women claim to be this, and that, and yet so many of us can’t keep it in our pants. We have Masters degrees and earn higher salaries than men. We’re independent, we want equality, and yet we still end up bare foot and pregnant.

And for what? A night of passion? An orgasm or two? A warm, hot body next to us? Maybe. If every woman started watching a video of a squatting birth before having sex, maybe there would be less unplanned pregnancies. Granted there may be less sex, but you get my point.

To the girls who got pregnant and are convincing themselves that they don’t want to get married. Who are you tying to fool? That is woman speak for, “He doesn’t want to marry me, so I might as well act as if I didn’t want to get married anyway.”

So have sex. Lots of it. I’m getting mine, so who am I to tell anyone not to get theirs. But, use caution. Another life depends on it.

Mimi out.

Cavities, Fat and Wrinkles

We are all more than familiar with the addictive power of sugar. Despite the fact that increased sugar consumption has been associated with increased blood sugar levels, which can result in the storage of excess fat, studies have shown that the average American consumes about 150 pounds of sugar, per year. Talk about sweet nothings! (more…)

Natural Sexy vs. Science Sexy

Spy vs. Spy

The ‘Natural’ bandwagon is hugantic. It may not be the most sophisticated or fun at times, but damn, the hype that surrounds it is hella huge. Marketers have caught on to this trend, and are milking it for all it’s worth *squirt *squirt Yummy.

On the other hand, although science has helped us greatly, the term ‘synthetic’ has taken quite a hit at the expense of all things ‘natural’. People love to give the natural vs. synthetic ultimatum, but is it at all necessary? Can’t we all just get along?

Is‘Natural’ necessarily always good, and is ‘Science’ necessarily always bad?

Yes? No? Maybe so?

Science & skin care

With respect to skin care, rather than just assessing the situation stereotypically, perhaps taking a deeper look at the ingredients in the skin care products may be a more productive argument.

Natural Skin Care Ingredients

Natural is great. There is this feeling of wild abandon that accompanies the thought of ‘au naturel’. “Clean”. “Simple”.  ”Fresh”. “Good for you”.

However, as with everything else in life, ‘good’ things usually do not last forever. Under the right conditions, natural things are known to rot, decay, or otherwise disintegrate in quality. For example, with respect to plants, fruits, veges – typical sources for most natural skin care ingredients – there is only a small window that’s considered ‘prime for picking’, so one must take this into consideration, especially when a cleanser or moisturizer will typically sit on your shelf for at least 6 months, or longer depending on the product in question.

Things to consider for natural products:

~ Using natural ingredients directly

Of course there is the argument that you can just pick something off the tree and slap it on your face.

If you live in such a place where you can do this I truly envy you, for that used to be me. Womp. For the rest of us, we can hardly eat fruits and vegetables these days without being shot up with pesticides, so want to put that on your face too?

Remember, ‘natural’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘organic’. ‘Organic’ is the one where certain pesticides (not all) are required to be absent. No such is the case with ‘natural’, don’t believe the hype.

~ Nature differs from batch to batch.

This means that you can buy one batch of product that not only has a different colour from your previous batch, but the strength of the particular active ingredient can be different also.

This is not a leather bag we are talking about, where the value and character of the product is heightened by the fact that there is a huge ‘imperfection’ (their term not mine), for which you are expected to pay the not-so-little extra for. It’s not that kind of party with skin care; we don’t go out of our way to look for imperfections in products, but rather we try to minimize them.

In some products this lack of apparent quality control is not a deal breaker. If a product doesn’t contain any ingredients that are considered ‘active’ (read ‘results’) by the FDA, then it really doesn’t matter if you use a product or water.

However, in that expensive serum that derives it’s antioxidant function from those ‘berries’, it might be a problem if the super star ingredient, the Vitamin C say from the berries, is as effective as the ones in the serum that doesn’t contain Vitamin C. Yeah… might wanna check that.

~ Stability of natural substances outside of their environment

Talking about Vitamin C, it’s known to be a powerful antioxidant – it protects the skin from sun damage and helps slow down the physical signs of aging…  yadda yadda yadda, but it’s not very stable once exposed to air, a couple minutes max.

All that freshly squeezed orange juice you just made? Most of the good stuff (Dr. C) just poofed* vanished before you’ve finished mixing the ingredients together. I used to be called “Juice Mixer” in university (Chem. Eng.) by all the other engineers so, trust me, not that I’d like to recall the name calling but, I’d know

With this understanding, Vitamin C in it’s natural form is not going to do much for your skin sitting in a jar for a couple months. It’s usually also quite acidic in nature wherever it’s found (oranges, lemons etc.) so putting that right there on your face is its going to do an excellent job of stripping your skin’s protective barrier, dehydrating your skin and leaving it more susceptible to  harmful bacteria.

Fantastic? No.

So then, on to the next one. 

Synthetic skin care ingredients

The word chemical is not a synonym for dangerous.

According to the Oxford dictionary, a chemical (noun) is a substance that has been prepared, or purified, (usually) artificially.

You can concoct something that is dangerous or, you can prepare something that is effective, yet harmless.

Of course, there are dangerous chemical substances, but there are also dangerous natural ones. Cyanide anyone? One sugar or two?

So, for example, Magnesium Ascorbyl Phosphate, is a very stable form of Vitamin C – one that is stable enough to be used in skin care products. The skin’s enzymes then work to break down this ingredient into ascorbic acid, naturally found in most fruits like citrus and berries, which has been found to inhibit the formation of melanin (pigment) as well as assist collagen formation. 

Doesn’t make sense to pay the extra for active ingredients that aren’t… active, does it?

However this form of stable Vitamin C doesn’t just morph into a stable by it’s lonesome, it is the end product of research and development i.e. it is born out of a laboratory, and such is considered to be ‘synthetic’.

Why use synthetic ingredients?

So sure, it’s not for everybody, but if the proverbial horse has already bolted out the gate, the skin situation has long surpassed ‘preventative’ and you are actually looking to treat clear and present skin damage, i.e. if you are looking for results, you are going to need to look a little further than mother nature to help you in your mission to ‘age gracefully’. 

So perhaps the best bet is to take the best of what nature has to offer, and combine it with the best of what science brings. It’s a win-win situation.

The products last longer, there is less wastage, the ingredients remain active and are therefore more effective, and you get the value for your money. Everyone’s happy.

Food for thought:

It’s like that chick who is so blatantly hot, so much is on display even Stevie Wonder can see it, vs. the librarian chick. Everyone knows the immediate benefits of the blatant hottie. You can milk it almost immediately and get a great high albeit one that is, more likely than not, short lived.

Now enter the librarian. Sure, there’s a good chance that you may not live on the same planet, but there is an even greater chance that you may get longer lasting, stable, surprisingly flexible benefits, that comes with intelligence.

Moral of the story? Never underestimate the librarian.

b FreakinFabulous

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HELP! My skin is schizo

Paunchy business

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The simplest way to cut calories is to cut your portions sizes. Period. Either eat less of what you’d normally eat, or eat on a smaller plate. Once.

Here are twenty ways you can enjoy the munch without growing a paunch.

Just a few calories that are cut in each, but when you think of the fact that these are simple cuts that you can do multiple times a day, it can definitely add up – ask your waist. How did it get there? Surely we didn’t set out to be round-around-the-middle in our spare time. The ish creeps up on you man.

Rather than cut out things entirely during the day and then binge on them when the stress hits you (usually at night) why not try substitutes instead? Sounds a hell of a lot more doable than deprivation; lets face it, if we had that kind of will power we wouldn’t be looking at our high-school pics longly, *sigh* now would we?

A few things to try:

1. Eat the fruit instead of drinking the juice

2. Have whatever you’re having on a whole grain sandwich instead of a bagel.

3. Order pasta with Marinara instead of Alfredo sauce.

4. Scramble 4 egg whites instead of 2 whole eggs.

5. Remove the slice(s) of cheese out of the sandwich

6. Use mustard instead of mayo

7. Wherever possible, take beverages (tea, iced tea etc.) unsweetened

8. Ditch the mashed potatoes or fries as a side for a baked potato with butter (0nly)

9. Have sparkling water with lemon rather than soda.

10. Drain the heavy liquid from the fruit cocktail can before eating

11. Order the white rice rather than the fried

12. Eat the birthday cake without the frosting

13. Eat the brownie rather than the apple pie à la mode

14. Have the ice cream in a bowl. The cone is just extra calories

15. Use chicken broth (low-sodium is best) instead of oil to sauté meat and veggies.

16. Replace the oil or butter in cakes with unsweetened applesauce.

17. When preparing packaged foods that call for butter or oil, like rice and stuffing, use a broth instead.

18. Go for the medium instead of the XXL drink

19. Go for the grilled meats instead of the stewed or breaded ones. Actually, avoid anything breaded, they not only add more calories but the bread also absorbs more oil.

20. Have a glass of wine rather than 2 beers.

So the solution? Be present when you are having your meal. There are lots of little ways to cut calories if we take the time to think rather than just inhale.

Doable? Absolutely.

FreakinFabulous

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Photo credits: Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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