Posts Tagged ‘Grown’
The Male Capri | Are You Man Enough?
The Male Capri. Not entirely a new concept, but boy has it evolved. Tommy Ton, international photo-blogger, helps me tell this story.
As the temperature rises, so do hems – both male and female. The Capri of today’s Man has a body fat percentage of no more than 0.83%.
It’s purposeful and well thought out; Just short enough so that it is impossible for you to take yourself too seriously, but just long enough to make a subtle, but definite statement that you mean business. No mid-calf madness, aka “three-quarter…” I’m not sure what exactly, but they sure as hell can’t be called a “pant”.<<< Shudder>>> Remember those? Made of heavy ass denim, and at least 4 sizes too big. Sheeeeeeeet. So, so wrong. There are definitely perks to being Grown.
Then Male Capris went to College. Made of lighter-weight cotton, they were still choofy, and plump around the midsection, but at least now they were khaki- coloured and not acid-washed. Only now they were sometimes tattered, and had enough pockets to pack house and land. Good times all around for sure, but couldn’t take ‘em home to mama, for certain.
Enter the twenty-first century, and I refer to the current evolution of this style of trouser loosely as a ‘Capri’. I say this because sometimes it is purposely cut to be shorter than a normal pant leg – definitely above the ankle, so typical of a capri, but sometimes it appears to be just a slim trouser/ pant that’s rolled up. Either way, Swag is at an all time high with this one.
It’s definitely one of those trends this year that boarders on the absurd on it’s own, but, when compared to the ‘Meggings’ and ‘Meotards’, which debuted Fall ’10 Fashion Week, it seems super normal. Generally, I found it, when worn in a casual setting, pretty easy to understand. It’s the Capri suit that took me a couple shots of Patron to figure out. The latter is still pretty questionable, but I suppose when you are really, really rich, run your own empire, and don’t want to look like the masses, you can do – and wear - as you damn well feel. I ain’t mad at that at all.
That said… there are some capri looks that I wouldn’t recommend
but otherwise, there’s a lot of room to work with. Lets start with:
1. Colour
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The bold colour-block trend that’s large and in charge for Spring and Summer [SS], made it’s way well into the Male Capri. Coral and pinks were the most common colours – most flattering on all skin types, but the usual suspects for SS colours like lilac, and aqua, though they offer less of a shock value, work with the capri trend just as well. The key here is to have ONE piece of colour, so ground the look elsewhere with some sort of neutral colour, like a grey, or blue – light or dark.
This coloured-trouser trend is radical enough for most men, so even if you choose the pant at full length you’ll be well fashionable.
Oranges like that, you can take into Fall. You can opt for colour without shock value…
If pink trousers aren’t your thing, you can always work this colour trend another way…
2. Shoes
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It goes without saying that with a pant leg this high, it is understood that your shoe game needs to be on point. Go loafer, or go home.
That’s just my preference. But you can get away with other, whole, closed, shoes.
Go all star on ‘em.
or not. Either way, if you choose to go sockless, invest in a super moisturizing cream and ensure that it befriends your ankles.
Pair with higher cut shoes/ boots shoes to dress the look up…. or keep your ankles warm.
I feel like you’d be making the wrong kind of statement if you wear this type of capri with open-toe sandals. For one your proportions, head-to-toe, will not appear balanced in the sort of way that you might look like you’re about to topple over. Then, I mean, if it’s really that hot outside, you might want to consider wearing shorts.
Just no white, gym shoes. Please and thank you.
3. Socks
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This trend is going to go well into Fall/ Winter [FW] ’11. When the temperature dips, just add socks to the fray. The colour and fabric of the capri may sober up, but the fun isn’t lost as the colour of your socks and shoes kick into high gear. Who said there’s no fun in Male Fashion.
4. Casual
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Casual ones
and of course the North American fabric staple, Denim.
5. The Dress Capri
Or a full on suit [or blazer/ pant option], just with a pant with a precariously shorter inseam.
Pure swag.
In summary, today’s Male Capri:
- Is slim fitting
- Possesses no bulky side pockets
- Varies in length.
As a general rule, the shorter the hemline (between the ankle and the knee) the shorter, and stumpier, your legs will look. So the taller and slimmer you are, the higher you can take your hemline without risking looking like a dwarf.
- Should be worn with whole, closed shoes, rather than open-toed sandals.
Carry on.
b Freakin’Fabulous
A contributor at GQ.com, Tommy Ton’s work can be found here.
5 Things NOT To Do To Your Skin this Summer.
5 of the worst things you can do to your skin during Summer.
1. Aggressive Facials
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By aggressive I mean any treatments that involve advanced exfoliation techniques, or includes terms such as chemical peels or microdermabrasion.
Also any facial procedures involving invasive techniques – cosmetic surgeries, nips, lifts, tucks – anything that pierces the face, should also be put off until the fall or winter, unless you would be recuperating in some retreat, indoors and far, far away from the hustle of life in the fast lane where the rest of us will be. If you would be at such a retreat, gwaan on along with your treatment and please do us all a favour and, like a good friend, not mention how ‘ super awesome’ it was.
Exposure to UV rays already increases skin’s sensitivity. No need to make this sensitivity worse by dousing your face in glycolic acid. This combination can result in your worse nightmare, including, but not limited to blisters, darkening of skin areas and disfigurement.
2. Skipping moisturizer
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Typically most skin types are more oily during the summer months. Those of us with naturally oily/ acne prone skin tend to forgo moisturizer altogether, thinking that this excess oil means that the skin moisturizes itself on it’s own. Increased oil production is usually a sign of dehydration, therefore it is important to replenish water levels in skin by increasing the amount of water you drink yes, but it’s said that only something like 10% of the water we drink actually make it to the skin. This is not something that you can quote me on, but considering that most of us barely pass the 2-glass mark daily for water, anything less than 115% absorption of this water we drink is cause for concern.
Therefore, applying a water-based, oil free moisturizer can help replenish the water levels in the skin. These types of moisturizers usually are labeled as such, may be referred to as a ‘gel’ or ‘fluid’ moisturizer and usually list ‘Water’ as the first ingredient.
Stay clear of anything that is labeled a ‘cream’, passes the ‘Dairy Queen’ test (you can turn the opened jar upside down and the contents not fall out), or contains mineral oil (or any such oil) in it’s ingredient listing.
3. Showering less
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“So many fun things to do, so little time!”
No papi. Not so fast.
It’s summer. It’s warm, and it’s humid. Bacteria are in love. They breed, and they multiply, which inevitably results in an odour. YOUR odour, aka B.O.
Hygiene in general needs to be thrown into high gear, and on autopilot. Automatic. Noone wants to out more fires than necessary at the BBQ lime.
Let’s remember the Summer watchwords – Shower & Shave.
4. Not exfoliating
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Closely related to #3, exfoliation of the body helps to remove excess oil buildup that may occur during the day. It helps skin to breathe, look instantly refreshed and ‘glow’, as manually exfoliating the body increases blood circulation.
You can cop one of those kazillion commercial body scrubs on the market and and get it on in the shower. However, I find most of them oily, and hardly worth their cost as most contain very little exfoliating ingredients.
Alternatives?
Dry brush your skin using a dry body brush before you shower, brushing in strokes that lead toward your heart (the direction in which your blood flows). I’ve read that dry brushing, among many other benefits such as shedding dead skin cells, rejuvenating the nervous system and assisting in lymphatic cleansing to name a few, also assists with decreasing the appearance of cellulite… could be as good a reason as any to try it I’d say. Hey, I’ve done more for the promise of far less.
I find dry brushing more effective than brushing your skin in the shower (wet brushing I presume, though this term makes me feel like I need handcuffs), as the bristles of the brushes, shown to the left, get softer in the shower.
I prefer my massage-pressure firm though, so if you are more of a light-pressure person, perhaps an in-shower brush-exfoliation may work. I do this twice a day – morning and evening.
For good measure, once a week I also do a body scrub, using a combination of cornmeal, honey and, for some slip, a bit of whatever body wash I’m using at the time. Sometimes I just use ground coffee beans and body wash. Whatever is convenient. For more on body exfoliation see Smooth Criminal.
5. Not using sunscreen
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To my melanin-challenged folks, we aren’t all skin-kissed, bronze goddesses, I get that. But that is no reason to opt to play Cancer Roulette. Besides, sun-burns aren’t sexy, no matter what reality TV says. If wanting a tan is your reason to ride the sun-wave buck nekked, get a sun-less tan. There are tons on the market. I’m familiar with the brand Fake Bake – it’s fairly easy to use, it’s sold where I work, doesn’t leave you looking like like you belong on the Jersey Shore cast, and so this particular brand comes to mind, but there are many other brands. Try that route.
For those of us who are doing backstrokes in the melanin pond, don’t believe the hype that “Black Don’t Crack”. Not only can it crack, it can get mad spotty and unslightly – dark spots, light spots, uneven skin tone – you name it. Skin damage is not known to discriminate.
Be responsible with your skin, and, for wrinkles sake, use sunscreen.
Party on!
b FiercelyFabulous
Springing Forward —–>
Spring time!
Well, with the temperatures that I’ve been experiencing over the past week in these parts, it feels more like summer but I know better than to say it too loud let alone BELIEVE temperatures may not dip again until September.
Still, gotta love Spring though.
It brings with it a sense of renewal, endless possibilities and just a general feeling of rebirth. And why not? The days are longer – extended by an easy 5 hours at least, the sun is out, the place is brighter and the great depression that is winter season is but a distant memory. Hell, I feel like I’ve moved cities. Winter blues what? Arguably, the best of all, there’s little [no] need to pop those ‘happy’ [Vitamin D] pills – Goodbye Seasonal Affective Disorder!
It’s like the ‘April showers’ washed away the proverbial death, darkness and gloom and have made way for the reawakening of the earth.
Just yesterday, I peered out my window – my view of the road below obscured by bare and barren sticks attached to branches on the grandfather tree that appeared to have called it quits after the winter had it’s way with it; All signs of life removed.
Only to wake up this morning and there is it – LIFE. Leaves a’ sproutin’, branches be swayin’ in the wind, and once again, there is abundant life. As harsh as the winter wants to be, with every spring hope returns. Without fail, there is renewal every year.
“Do you worst…”, said the tree, “.. for I have what I need to weather your fiercest storm”.
You see, though all of the auxiliaries may be lost – the flowers, the leaves, even some of the branches – the root… the core… the soul remains in tact, and therefore regeneration is always possible.
Likewise, in our trials, sometimes we may lose some stuff along the way – people, possessions, sometimes even family, but as long as we hold tight to our core self, we are possible. It is when we are stripped down to our bare selves, that we find there is opportunity to re-emerge – Fresher. Healthier. Happier, and with any hope, smarter.
After all, when we’ve hit rock bottom, and dug downward the furthest we can go till we hear the ‘klang ‘klang of metal against metal, there is really no other direction left to go but up. And on this trek back upward, with the help of the sun shining though, we can see clearly now, because guess what, we’ve past it all on the way down!
Only now, we’re armed with the knowledge of what is and isn’t for us this ’rounds. So it’s really up to us to choose not to pay that tuition twice.
Just now to pull out the microfiber and dust off our [vintage] glare blockers, aka hater mace, and, with a little a pep in our step, move smartly along with our determination to push on through.
b Freakin’Fabulous
Photo: razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dodging Fashion Roadkill | The Maxi Dress
S2011 | Micheal Kors
As long as there are women, there will always be the Maxi dress. Designers must find this fact annoying because, perhaps in an effort to relieve their boredom, they’ve decided to inject different textures and structures into this spring/ summer staple. The possible result? An epic miss, with some of the most unflattering combinations known to man… or in this case, woman.
The word “Maxi”, as it applies to a dress (or skirt), refers to either length (usually floor grazing) or fullness (voluminous) – either way there is a whole lot of fabric. The goal of a Maxi dress is to create the illusion of easy sophistication, but this punchline can easily get muddled when designers run with such wild abandon in the park of imagination, that they miss the mark totally.
Most of trends for this Spring/ Summer 2011 (S2011) may be seen somewhere on a Maxi Dress near you. Beware of the pitfalls.
1. The See-Through-Maxi
S2011 Trend: Lace/ See-through Fabrics
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
The issue: Visible underwear, isn’t Sexy. [Visibly] going without underwear, tramp style, is worse. No-one is interested in seeing your ‘titillating’ ‘assets’. This dress will flatter noone with an ounce of flesh. Much more than the sheer fabric will be… bouncing… in the wind.
S2011 | Givenchy
The solution: Go sheer without going bare. Printed sheer materials can offer less translucency that plain coloured ones. Also, well placed detailing can detract, or conceal, areas of perverted interest. Depending on the dress, you can wear a (modern) slip.
2. The Bright, Boxy, Structured, Maxi
S2011 Trend: Bold Colours/ Menswear/ Suits
S2011 | Jill Saunders
The issue: Your waist called. He misses you.
May be laid back, but this look is definitely not sexy. All that’s missing here are the potatoes, which is ironic because that’s probably the last thing that’s available on that menu.
Proportions. Proportions. Proportions. An hourglass shape, or the illusion of one, is the key to classic style. Also,tThe overly structured look of this dress defeats the purpose of a Maxi dress.
S2011 | Lanvin
The solution: The bold colour rocks. Keep the structure to an asymmetrical neckline and a belted waist.
3. The Retro Maxi
S2011 Trend: Retro/ 60s Ladylike/ Red carpet glam
S2011 | Vivienne Westwood
The issue: More like 60s/ Ladylike Prom, and looks like the dress equivalent to helmet head – Untouchable.
S2011 | Lanvin
The solution: Switch up the fabric. Interpret the retro ladylike, rather than raid your mother/ grandmother’s closet. Similar silhouette, different reaction.
4. The Graphic Maxi (I)
S2011 Trend: Floral Prints
S2011 | Jill Saunders
The issue: Large prints, like this floral overwhelms petite frames. The dress’s voluminous nature around the waist area also does not complement a woman’s figure.
S2011 | Marc Jacobs
The solution: Choose a floral print that is proportional to your size – larger frames are better able to carry larger prints. Add interest to a floor grazing floral number with a contrasting detail in a complementary colour at the waist. Peek-a-boo skin, unveiled through a v-neck, gives balance to a potentially, visually dizzying number.
5. The Graphic Maxi (II)
S211 Trend: Bold Colours/ Geometric Prints/ Asymmetrical hems
S2011 | Vivienne Westwood
The Issue: An effort is made to highlight the waist with a twist-tie, but the over-sized vertical stripes + no structure + peculiar dress length + bold colours+ excess fabric = Please Stop. My head hurts.
S2011 | Marc Jacobs
The solution: One voice at a time. Keep silhouettes, to dresses in busy fabrics, simple. The ruching detail in the right places breaks the monotony, and gives a flattering look to even the no-no horizontal stripe rule.
6. The White Maxi
S2011 Trend: All White/ Minimal/ 60s Ladylike
S2011 | Chloé
The issue: The abundance of fabric on the top half, in white no less, coupled with a gathered waist would make for an excessively commodious, unflattering look on most humans.
S2011 | Chloé
S2011 | Chloé
The solution: A wrap dress, or one that mimics it, is universally flattering, even in white, as it breaks up the details, as well as highlights the natural waist.
Tip: A V-neck works better than a round neck for fuller and/ or curvier figures.
7. The Unfinished Maxi
S2011 Trend: Asymmetrical Hems / Metallic/ Sheer/ Unfinished Detailing
S2011 | Vivienne Westwood
The issue: The first issue is the trend itself – Unfinished garments. Unhemmed garments, unclipped trimmings. A frayed, fuzzy look with thread dangling everywhere. Why? I’ll file this in the juvenile section, right next to destructed jeans.
More than the hems, the statement is undone in this crinkly, scratchy, bed-head looking kit, the draping of which also makes for an unflattering profile. Besides, if you are going to tote all of this fabric, and still have a peep show, why not just don a fitted, loosely crocheted dress instead? Oh yeah, that’s also a don’t.
S2011 | Micheal Kors
The solution: Just because the fabric has a metallic finish, doesn’t mean it has to look like it will cut you. Switching up the fabric to a touchable knit, (one that is also less sheer), and tightening the silhouette a touch, gives the still-asymmetrical look an easy-going, figure-enhancing flow. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
8. The Body Concious Maxi
S2011 Trend: Body Concious/ White/ Lace/ Sheer Fabrics
S2011 | Emilio Pucci
The issue: The combination of the above trend may make for a body conscious, but not a body flattering combo. Perhaps this would be better worn as resort wear, in the form of a beach cover-up.
S2011 | Emilio Pucci
The solution: Emphasize your curves in one trend. Either in lace/ sheer fabrics OR a body hugging silhouette.
OTHER USEFUL TIPS
1. DO give unexpected skin via a high slit or an asymmetrical hemline to give overly voluminous , or excessively lengthy dresses a modern edge, as Emilio Pucci does here.
S2011 | Emilio Pucci
S2011 | Emilio Pucci
2. DO play with the Military trend with ‘sober’ colour choices – e.g. olive green, navy, combined with subtle masculine detailing.
S2011 | Lanvin
Whoever said that Power can only be unleashed in a pant suit must have never experienced the Power of a Maxi.
b Freakin’Fabulous
Foot Fetish | 10 Steps to a Spa Pedicure
The Beyotch of all Pedicures.
The Spa Pedicure is one of the ultimate luxuries to pamper your digits. At a reputable nail salon, i.e one that takes the necessary precautions against the spread of diseases/ infections in a nail salon, this indulgence can run anywhere upwards of $75 a service, with a Spa Mani/ Pedi combo running at least an easy minimum $100.
In a bid to differentiate themselves from a fellow competitor, it is not uncommon for nail salons to present creative names for these services.
“The Ultimate Pedicure”
“The Signature Pedicure”
“Hot Lava Pedicure”
As a nail salon owner, the point here is to differentiate yourself. Get creative.
These types of pedicures are primarily found in middle to high end salons because of the sheer time it takes to get all of the goodies done - anywhere between 50 – 120 minutes. Usually, the longer the time taken, the more expensive the service.
So what is a Spa Pedicure anyways?
Typically, what differentiates a Spa pedicure from a Classic pedicure is pampering time. Therefore, Spa pedicures will probably include a scrub, a (perhaps extended) foot massage, as well as extra care to smoothing hardened soles of the feet. Uber high-end salons may also include a foot mask, paraffin treatments etc. These are inexpensive add-ons for the Spa, so the charge largely comes for the use of the therapist’s time. Additionally, there is also an additional cost for callus removal in a pedicure . Why? because any of these above processes can add up to 15 minutes each.
It is important to remember that Spa services , as opposed to other beauty services like Hair services for example, are charged per minute rather than per service. Arrive late for your Spa service and you have only the remaining time in your reserved slot to get your service done, if they will grant you the the service at all, never mind, *swipe*, your credit card will be charged either way.
Why?
If the colouring service on your new hair colour/ cut/ style ‘do takes longer than anticipated, the stylist cannot exactly leave you mid service and tell you hard luck can s/he? Not so much. This is why there is normally a cancellation policy (usually 24-48 hours) for spa services. Time is money baby!
Can you achieve a similar service at home?
With the knowledge, an hour, some patience, and the right tools, you sure can!
Here are 10 steps to an at-home Spa Pedicure, complete with tips to getting it right, polish optional.
Remember, practice makes you better.
YOU WILL NEED:
- Pedicure bowl with lukewarm water (warmer if you can tolerate it)
- Small to medium sized bowl with clean, lukewarm water (warmer if you can tolerate it)
- Orange stick and/ or nail pusher
- Nail Clipper, made especially for clipping toes
- Nail File (180 grit)
- Foot soak/ Pedicure soak/ Mineral Salts/ Epson salts etc. (your choice)
- Hydrating Foot lotion
- Cuticle Oil
- Nail Buffer (white)
- Foot File
– 2 Hand Towels
- Nail polish remover and cotton balls (if necessary)
OPTIONAL ITEMS
- Cuticle nipper
- Foot Mask
- Callus softener
- Intensive Heel balm
- Base Coat, Top Coat, Nail polish
Time Required: 60 – 120 mins
1. Soak Feet
In pedicure bowl, mix foot soak in a generous amount of lukewarm water as per foot soak instructions. Place feet in bowl for up to 10 minutes.
2. Remove any existing polish from nails on both feet. (If necessary.)
3. Cut and File Nails
- Remove right foot from pedicure bath. Cut nails using nail clipper.
Note: cutting nails too short can damage the nail. Avoid cutting nails with too sharp of a downward curve at the edge / sides of the nail, where the nail meets the side of your finger, as this may result in ingrown/ hangnails. Ouch.
- Using a nail file, file nails so that there are no sharp edges left by nail clipper, so that nail edge is smooth.
4. Clean the edges of the nail plate
- Using orange stick or nail pusher, GENTLY clean bottom of the nail bed, where it connects to the finger.
- GENTLY push back the cuticle using orange stick/ nail pusher.
Dead skin cells of the cuticle collect here, as well as residue from hand lotion, environmental dirt, etc. It is important not to scrape the nail bed in this area too roughly, as grave, possibly permanent, damage may be done to the nail bed.
- OPTIONAL – Cuticles may be clipped at this stage, but it is important to clip ONLY the dead, and not the living, tissue. If you are unsure of what is dead and what is living tissue, skip this stage altogether, as clipping live tissue can result in cuts, bleeding and damage to the cuticle.
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5. Buff nails and clean under free edge
- Using a white nail buffer, GENTLY buff nails (no more than 10 strokes per nail).
Buffing to smooth the nail bed. Overzealous buffing however, will result in thinning and possible damage to the nail plate, which is a common occurrence in professional manicures. The amount of buffing that ought to be done will depend on the condition of the nail. It is important to note that, depending on the depth of the ridges of the nail, it may not be possible to smoothen out all ridges, without removing the entire nail bed.
- Using orange stick, clean under free edge (the area at the top of the nail where gook collects when you use your nails to scratch… something) of any residual nail that may have collected here during the filing/ buffing stage.
6. Apply cuticle oil to cuticles
- Critical step to well manicured nails.
7. Apply callus softener and wrap foot
- Optional, if applicable, apply callus softener to any calluses/ hardened areas on soles of feet, and wrap foot in a towel.
Repeat steps 3 – 7 on left foot.
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8. Smooth calluses
- Starting with right foot, remove towel and smooth calluses/ hardened areas on soles of feet with a back and forth motion using foot file. Repeat on left foot. And please, never use a razor blade.
9. Apply and remove scrub
- Starting with right foot, apply foot scrub for 2-3 minutes. Rinse with clean water from small bowl into the pedicure bowl. Repeat on left foot.
OPTIONAL – Apply foot mask
To right foot, avoiding the tips of the toes, and wrap in a towel. Repeat on left foot and let both feet stand for 5-10 minutes.
Rinse mask from right foot using clean water from bowl. Repeat on left foot.
10. Massage feet
- Massage hydrating foot lotion to right foot, including legs. Pay special attention to heels. Repeat on left foot.
- If necessary, apply heel balm to cracked heels, on right and left foot.
- Apply cuticle oil to cuticles.
*TIP – Cuticle oil is quite possibly any nail technician’s secret weapon as the application will make nails in any condition, look healthier. Guaranteed.
POLISH APPLICATION PREP (OPTIONAL)
For nail polish application, remove any traces of lotion from nails using a cotton ball with nail polish remover. Apply polish in the following order:
- Start with one coat for base coat to all nails.
- Follow with a coat, or two, of nail polish (one coat a time).
- End with Top coat application.
Finish with application of cuticle oil to cuticles, as in step above.
It’s easy to have a foot fetish with kissable feet!
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Not quite at this level? You can still have kissable feel with an at-home Classic pedicure. **Coming soon.**
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b Freakin’Fabulous
For more info. on how to protect yourself against infectious diseases in nail salons, click here.
Dodging the Office Party Pitfalls
The Christmas Party. Or, if you work for one of those politically correct companies, the “Holiday” Party.
Obviously, you ought to go. This goes without saying.
Sure, you may be antisocial, you may despise your co-workers or you may rather count sheep than live though a convo with Frank from accounting, but it will do your career more harm than good if you just skip the shindig altogether. Why? Because not showing up for an office related event – be it a party, family day or someone’s horrid excuse for a ‘team building’ exercise – gives the impression that you aren’t interested in the company or your future there.
Now regarding any work related events, there are two things to always keep in mind:
- No matter how far away from the office the venue is, remember that it’s still a work function.
- Regardless how convincing the higher-ups seem to be about oh how it’s a time for everyone to kick off their shoes and let down their hair and just have a great time…. They’re lying.
The following are my top 8 things to avoid doing at your office party
8. One-upping your boss
You may be stronger/ faster/ better but keep that info to yourself.
This is not the time to speak about your stint in Milan as a model after being scouted in your first year in university when your boss responds to one of your co-worker’s brown-nosing comments about him looking dapper. Neither is this the time to share the fact that you and your fiance are heading to the Megeve Ski Resort in response to the fact that your boss’s “lean Christmas” is resulting in him opting for a staycation with his cat. And it’s definitely not the time to bring up the fact that you were the brains behind the newly implemented program that is has saved the company Xmillie amount of moolah this year.
Some other don’ts in this category:
- Don’t harp about how wonderful or wonderfully annoying your significant other is is – no-one, not limited to you boss, cares.
- Don’t start a chugging or eating contest… or any contest for that matter.
- Don’t brown-nose and/ or talk too much shop
If you are in line for a promotion, be sure to perhaps get your boss away from the melee for a minute and speak briefly on some of the ideas you have to implement strategies relating to a major upcoming project. Of course this should be done fairly early and pre-scotch, i.e. before the convo ends up going south a-la #5 below.
- And at all costs, don’t do…
7. The Elaine dance
A definite fail.
If you don’t know what this is, chances are you’ve already done it. Because it’s impossible to describe, here’s a video clip:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2cz0i
Under this we can include throwing down to any song that is decidedly inappropriate for the occasion. For example, displaying your best moves to Akon and Eminem’s “Smack That” and proclaming
“Man, this is my jaaaayyym!”
That may quite possibly be the last Holiday party the company will see both you and the DJ.
6. Hook up with a co-worker in the bathroom
Especially if you didn’t the the object of your urinal fling was all that and a bag of chips the day before, and/ or the person is more into you than you are into them. There will never be a good end to this scenario.
5. Have an ‘off-the-record’ convo with your boss after having had 2 shots of Patron
Though you may not remember the convo, chances are s/he will, and there will most definitely be an “on-the-record” convo about it the morning after.
Under this we will include ‘smackin’ your boss’ @ss to aforementioned song, or smacking anyone for that matter lest a sexual harassment case slaps yours.
4. Bring your 2-minute old significant other to the party.
Though it may seem like a good idea at the time, this here can auger like a ticking time-bomb. You have no idea what to expect in the moment and chances are you’d either have to babysit the entire night, or have to deal with managing the after effects of him/ her displaying any of the above.
Although there are varying views regarding this, I’d go out on a limb here and say that unless you’re any combination of an executive/ married/ in line for a promotion and/ or/ therefore wish to avoid any compromising positions with that being from marketing who’s been getting a touch to friendly recently, keep business and personal private and leave your spouse out of it.
For those of us who flirt and/ or have lunch time DOOs with (a) co-worker(s), do your colleagues a favour and leave your ‘significant other’/ spouse home will ‘ya? Office parties are awkward enough, no need to bring the drama that will undoubtedly ensue.
3. Being the last one to leave.
Sure, you don’t get out often because of your work/ home responsibilities. And of course you wish to make the most of the $40 you paid the baby sitter to keep the kids overnight, but under no circumstance should you party the night away at your office shindig.
Show up on time [fashionably late never applies to work-related events] nurse a drink in one hand and make it across the room taking pit-stops at key points to ensure that your presence is noted. Then, just when the ties and the jackets start coming off, exit stage left and meet up with your real friends.
2. Calling in sick the day after because of your hangover
This is one of the biggest corporate no-nos. NEVER call in sick the day after:
- A company hosted event,
- A public holiday, or
- Your vacay.
I suppose the only thing worse would be being awakened by a tap on your shoulder by your boss… in your office, with your party hat on.
Find out what your company policy is on being hungover, being late – or not showing up at all – the day after the Holiday party. For most companies, it’s business as usual, no excuses.
1. Which all lead to the greatest office Holiday party DON’T ever:
Don’t get drunk.
Please enjoy responsibly.
Freakin’Fabulous
Related post: Office Party Ettiquette
That’s the Spirit
If I’ve ever had a doubt about my ability to make lemon martinis, well not anymore!
Call me a bartender.
Being doused in freshly squeezed, premium lime does burn a little, hell a lot, but it sure does clean you up well. *Sparkel*
Lemon juice gets rid of all the dirt and grime, the excess layers, and magnificently leaves a shine in areas that were over scuffed.
2010 is soon coming to a close. For most of us its a happy time of year. People generally have, at least, decent moods, companies give away food and booze, and you get to see your boss behaving in ways you’d never imagine, which of course ensures that your job is secure for at least another year. Guilt is a hell of a thing.
Living in Canada, I get to celebrate Thanksgiving twice. The first time, when Canada celebrates it, and then another when the ‘rest of the world’ , or so the US believes, celebrates it.
- More food.
- More good times
- More shopping sure, but more importantly,
more time to reflect on why I ought to be thankful, and, despite however I may feel during what can seem to be an incalculable amount of ceiling-mounted, fire-blazing hoops, why I am truly blessed.
Blessed beyond measure.
Then, on the heels of Thanksgiving, comes the jolly old Ho.
Well, the Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho-liday Season. A time where kids believe and receive; something that we often seem to lose as ‘adults’ because, oh…
“Santa isn’t real”
Some of us can be such party poppers. What IS real?
My perception, IS my reality. Party poop that.
After all, isn’t that what ‘Santa’ is really about? ….Believing?
It’s not about being able to circle the globe in one night, Stupid. We all got over that decades ago. It’s not about religion or politics, or about who got the best present, who’s sucked, and who got none at all, because we all get presents.
We get presents everyday. We get the gift of opportunity; the opportunity to create or squander, to live and learn or to mentally and emotionally succumb to our thought processes.
“Santa” is about the spirit of happiness; that of thankfulness; that of believing.
The selfless act of giving and receiving, of sharing fun times with family and friends, and learning how best to endure those members of your family, who, at some point in your life you’ve secretly prayed to, one day, not be related to – not in public at any rate.
I believe in Santa. Party Poop that.
Know that you will never receive anything unless you believe. Not happiness, not material gain, not friends (outside of the electric friend generator) and definitely not presents.
So yeah, I’m reflecting a bit early this year. Hell, this year was so special I was reflecting since March.
Reflecting on what I’ve achieved this past year, how my plans have panned out or not, the wagons that I jumped on and those that i was violently thrown off. Reflecting on the experiences that I enjoyed, but would never in life do again. On the goals that I’ve attained and the ones that no longer fit into my life script. Giving thought to those individuals who I have had the privilege to meet – those who have helped me unveil a landscape that I’ve neither seen nor experienced before, and who I’ve been sanctified to finally depart ways from.
Hallelujah and Amen.
Departure from what was once good, but has over time become rancid and toxic is good all the time, and all the time it is good. It’s like a fantastically yummy nugget of self-renewal; a guilty pleasure. The euphoria associated with finally being able to put down that knapsack full of porous, limestone rock that you’ve been carrying around on your shoulder blade for a minute, only to discover that you never, ever in life have to pick it up again.
Relief!
There’s some good to grating a barrel of limes after all. For in the end, no matter how haphazardly things are thrown in the air, all must fall and settle on the ground once again. I am most appreciative of the fact that no sharp objects collided with me on the way down.
There’s lots to be thankful for in this life.
I am thankful for my lemons; all of them, for it is because of them I know who I am.
Pieces.
be Freakin’Fabulous
Dominatrix and Dollar Store Hooker Steez
Boo.
Two blinks and it’s halloween y’alls. That special time of the year where people who don’t have the “good fortune”, (whatever it takes, be it finances, circumstances, or just plain “no-clue”) to experience Trinidad Carnival, a celebration that’s dubbed the greatest show on earth, “let loose” and let their fantasies flow.
Now… some fantasies should be lived out and some should just be imagined. Really.
Issue at hand
Choosing a costume.
As usual, guys are normally covered, pun intended. Their costumes tend to be funny, original, thought provoking and even if it’s boring its usually, just that… “boring”. Not “obscene” or cause grievous visual harm to the casual unlooker.
My fellow X-X chromosomes? Wow. Another story altogether.
Ladies, let’s try to keep it together this rounds okay?.
For starters, not everyone was meant to be a Dominatrix or French Maid. Or better fete, a whore. At least we aren’t meant to walk the streets in that get up. If you have bills to pay sure, I’m not judging, but I’m saying. To walk around looking cheap[er] than you already are just for kicks and giggles? I mean, really. What’s the motivation?
I’ve overheard acquaintances and frenemies alike speak of their costumes and it just sounded like a broken record. Granted I’ve never really done the Halloween partying thing though, so .. maybe you have to be there to understand the appeal of going out of your way to just look like the cheapest, trashiest, hooker on a dime, but… I don’t get it. I understand that we’re going for the ‘Sexy‘ look, but ‘Sexy‘ and ‘Cheap‘ aren’t synonyms yo. I never, ever get it, but then again, I’m never, ever in the majority.
The dollar store isn’t a destination my lovelies.
One or two picks from there but not head to toe.
“Goooooooosh” (furnished with a Hills accent).
How about Grecian Goddess?
Sounds like a stretch I know. But is it? Not as half as trashy looking and a kazillion times more attractive than a dollar store ‘hoe. Even better, any size can organize a lil sum’n sum’n and look on point in that.
Real life or fantasy, never underestimate the power of dressing your size, and your ambition. That never goes out of style. Just because you’re a closet freak does it mean that you have to put your alter-ego on display come October’s end. Because guess what? You’ll no longer be a closest freak, you’ll just be a cheap trick in denial the morning after.
The draped fabrics. long or mini. Your choice. Leather bands with the feathers in the hair. Drop waist beaded dresses with the sequined head bands a la the early 20s singers. A long cigarette holder in your hand with a long glove, and a beautiful fan in the other.
Create the fantasy dammit. Drag it on. Get fabulously chic.
We’re grown for Goodness sake. Not much of a longing fantasy is created with a dominatrix costume.
If you need to parade in high heels and a dress with your butt cheeks and mammaries hanging out to feel sexy, then that’s sends a blinding red-light to signal that you just might have some deep, deep rooted issues which altogether spell ‘I-N-S-E-C-U-R-E’ and ‘D-R-A-M-A-_-R-I-D-D-L-E-D’. Either that or your play-date life isn’t as half as exciting as you’d like everyone to believe that it is. Either way your business, just like your mammaries, is in the road.
As I was discussing with one of my man friends the other day, the biggest freaks in the party will never be seen dancing on the club tables.
Underglow freaks ahead; Keep the pilot light on.
We know our moves. We ain’t got *ish to prove, cause trust that everyone who’s experienced it ain’t complainin’. That’s half the reason why our business isn’t in the damn road cause nobody want to mess THAT link up. No advertisement necessary. The right people know exactly where to find it. Hellleeeeer!
So get it right.
Dressing like a $2 hooker only makes you look like a freebie. Halloween or no Halloween.
Get Grown. Stay Sexy.
b Freakin’Fabulous
Photo: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This Mix is Freakin’Fabulous | Ep. 9
Mondays never sounded so good. | Press play and cut a rug.
Track List
- NE-YO – CHAMPAGNE LIFE
- JIMMY COZIER – SHE’S ALL I GOT
- THE NEW KINGSTON BAND – PON DE WALL (KOLD FUSION RMX)
- LENNY KRAVITZ – STORM (RMX)
- GINUWINE – WHEN DOVES CRY
- MARY J. BLIGE – REAL LOVE (KOLD FUSION RMX)
- DIDDY – LOVE COME DOWN FT. DIRTY MONEY
- KEYSHIA COLE – LE IT GO FT. MISSY ELLIOTT
- FAITH EVANS – FAITHFULLY
- USHER – U DON’T HAVE TO CALL (KOLD FUSION RMX)
- FAITH EVANS – GOIN’ OUT
- TROOP – SPREAD MY WINGS
- SOUL II SOUL – BACK TO LIFE
- BOBBY BROWN – DON’T BE CRUEL
- JAY-Z – I JUST WANNA LOVE YOU (KOLD FUSION RMX)
- COLOR ME BADD – I WANNA SEX YOU UP
- THE BOYS – DIAL MY HEART
- LLOYD – YOU
- MIGUEL – ALL I WANT IS YOU FT. J. COLE
- NATASHA BEDINGFIELD – THESE WORDS (DWELE REMIX)
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Download (right click to save)
The Frog Prince | Is that YO’ man?
Sitting in a car stuck in traffic, my attention is caught by a small, but noticeable brawl happening in the car next to me. The driver of the car was being verbally whipped by his female companion.
Chick: “Wa yuh watching she so for eh!?“
Dude: “Baby, I wasn watching nobody.”
Chick: “Yes! ah see yuh! yuh was watching that skinny Bi-atch. Yuh fine she nice, eh?”
Two slap pelt.
Chick: “Eh? eh? whey she is? lemme firetruck she up.”
I have to admit the ish was funny, I mean who doesn’t like a little gridlock drama to break up the monotony of the red-light that will not turn.
But when their car pulled up level with mine and she started cursing ME? Well that was a different set of laughter altogether. Why was she angry with me? What did I do? Driving off, the last I saw, chick was jumping out the car to get over to the driver’s side.
I didn’t think about it much, until I was forced to remember the episode when I was at dinner later that same week.
Now, first things first, you know this diva. She don’t leave her house looking like no VIT [Vagrant in Training]. Skinny Jeans, nice shirt and, since I really liked the fella who was taking me out, he was worthy of me bringing out the big guns – SLAMMIN’ heels.
Oblivious to anyone other than my my date, I take my seat, and the night begins on a lovely note.
Enter twenty minutes, and I become conscious of not one but two pairs of eyes glaring at me. Two ladies, both on their own dates, are giving me LEVEL cut eye. They’re strangers to one another and they are unaware of each other, but from my vantage point I can see that this is not going to turn out well if I am not careful. Simply because, try as they hard as they could, their male counterparts are trying not to look as if they are looking at me, and one idiot just gave up the fight and stared at me without any thought for his companion.
Now, please do not think that I am standing on a corner toot-toot-tooting on my little rusty horn. I am by no means a pagent queen, and would be the first to tell you that I ain’t no exotic beauty. I should have known that those shoes would have that kind of effect on men. They were my CFMs/ FMPs, [if you are unsure about what THAT is click here] and NO MAN can resist.
But I get away from my topic.
I am wondering why it is that we ladies are quick to attack another woman, an innocent woman, just because she exists, when the problem is clearly the fault of the toads we sometimes try to turn into princes?
How is it my fault that their MAN (temporary or not) does not respect them. I have been there too, sitting in the front seat of a car and my companion is distracted by a pair of long legs or a buxom beauty. Out comes the tongue, looney tunes style, eyes bug out on springs, and the hearts fly above the ears. The brave ones (or the stupid ones – you pick) may even go so far as to say:
“Pssst, O lord gyal, yuh sexy too bad! MMM! Ah HONG-gry!“
If I am out on a date, or its my BF, then I find some way to politely remind him that I am still breathing beside him, and then I either let this disaster take its course and remind myself that I am quite capable of taking a taxi, head for the hills, never again to return.
Ladies: Life Lesson # 456.
.
Never tolerate your date/boyfriend disrespecting you in any way whatsoever.
Take into consideration, however, that if he takes a peep, without hurting your feelings. He’s trying. After all he ain’t dead or blind. But at least he has taken into consideration that you are there beside him and he is aware that you have feelings. Never make a scene. You are just opening the door for him to disrespect you some more. Possibly to give his card to the lady he was oogling when you leave to go to the bathroom, having just written you off as drama he could do without.
And, # 678,
Never EVER blame the other woman.
Unless she sashays brazenly over to the table where you are sitting enjoying your meal, looking at each other all googly-eyed, drinking your champagne, all arms curled, you know honeymoon style, Unless she offers her self to him and makes and holds eye contact with your stallion, inviting him to mount, Unless she takes out her boob and flings it at him thereby catching and keeping his attention, you need to be taking out whatever vexation you have on your man.
Rinse and Repeat.
YOU accepted the responsibility of training a toddler, didn’t you?
You, my friend, are the one who chose this poor excuse for a human being, and let him share the divine castle that is your life. You saw the signs; you know how he do. What you fretting with the innocent for?
In fact, I’d even go so far as to say: It’s YOUR issue. Take it up with yourself.
Because you are the one who is sending the message that you are not worthy of being treated like the ‘princess’ that you obviously think you are. Wake up! If you have kissed this frog a thousand times and he still doesn’t go POOF! and turn into the handsome, gallant prince – smoke, mice and footman included – see him for what he is, a toad, gather him up, and take him back to the sewer where you found him. *splish!* He’s home now, and believe me he’s happy.
But if you keep him *smile* and he treats you the only way he knows how being a toad from the sewer, i.e. like ish, then who’s fault is that? The hot W.O.W. wearing the killer heels, sitting with her own Prince, who incidentally is not looking anywhere else but at her object of affection, who couldn’t be bothered with the chicken heads.
“No ma’am sorry but I don’t feel like chicken today. How about a rump roast, medium rare, sauce on the side please and thank you.”
And resumes staring lovingly at his companion? My fault? NOOOO. Its YOUR fault baby, for not reading GC more often, and applying the tips we share every damn day for cleaning out your closet.
Trust me, these dramatic displays of emotion never do anything but paint you as the needy, emotionally unbalanced, grasping, human being you are, [or are not].
Try this instead:
In carefully modulated tones, and with the sweetest smile that you can conjure up on your face, say:
“Um, hey hun – are you about to go give her your number? Cause if you are, let me give her for you. I was just thinking that you two would make a lovely couple. She is so your type.
Sooo… Should we order now?”
And then make a mental note to call your friend when you get to the ladies, and see if they still wanna hit the club after this dinner is over, cause if homeboy don’t realize that you are Fabulously Fierce, then he deserves to be left behind, sitting next to his sewer waiting for his next victim to come along and mistake him for a Frog Prince.
Let someone else handle that mess.
Forward ever.