Posts Tagged ‘men’
The Male Capri | Are You Man Enough?
The Male Capri. Not entirely a new concept, but boy has it evolved. Tommy Ton, international photo-blogger, helps me tell this story.
As the temperature rises, so do hems – both male and female. The Capri of today’s Man has a body fat percentage of no more than 0.83%.
It’s purposeful and well thought out; Just short enough so that it is impossible for you to take yourself too seriously, but just long enough to make a subtle, but definite statement that you mean business. No mid-calf madness, aka “three-quarter…” I’m not sure what exactly, but they sure as hell can’t be called a “pant”.<<< Shudder>>> Remember those? Made of heavy ass denim, and at least 4 sizes too big. Sheeeeeeeet. So, so wrong. There are definitely perks to being Grown.
Then Male Capris went to College. Made of lighter-weight cotton, they were still choofy, and plump around the midsection, but at least now they were khaki- coloured and not acid-washed. Only now they were sometimes tattered, and had enough pockets to pack house and land. Good times all around for sure, but couldn’t take ‘em home to mama, for certain.
Enter the twenty-first century, and I refer to the current evolution of this style of trouser loosely as a ‘Capri’. I say this because sometimes it is purposely cut to be shorter than a normal pant leg – definitely above the ankle, so typical of a capri, but sometimes it appears to be just a slim trouser/ pant that’s rolled up. Either way, Swag is at an all time high with this one.
It’s definitely one of those trends this year that boarders on the absurd on it’s own, but, when compared to the ‘Meggings’ and ‘Meotards’, which debuted Fall ’10 Fashion Week, it seems super normal. Generally, I found it, when worn in a casual setting, pretty easy to understand. It’s the Capri suit that took me a couple shots of Patron to figure out. The latter is still pretty questionable, but I suppose when you are really, really rich, run your own empire, and don’t want to look like the masses, you can do – and wear - as you damn well feel. I ain’t mad at that at all.
That said… there are some capri looks that I wouldn’t recommend
but otherwise, there’s a lot of room to work with. Lets start with:
1. Colour
.
The bold colour-block trend that’s large and in charge for Spring and Summer [SS], made it’s way well into the Male Capri. Coral and pinks were the most common colours – most flattering on all skin types, but the usual suspects for SS colours like lilac, and aqua, though they offer less of a shock value, work with the capri trend just as well. The key here is to have ONE piece of colour, so ground the look elsewhere with some sort of neutral colour, like a grey, or blue – light or dark.
This coloured-trouser trend is radical enough for most men, so even if you choose the pant at full length you’ll be well fashionable.
Oranges like that, you can take into Fall. You can opt for colour without shock value…
If pink trousers aren’t your thing, you can always work this colour trend another way…
2. Shoes
.
It goes without saying that with a pant leg this high, it is understood that your shoe game needs to be on point. Go loafer, or go home.
That’s just my preference. But you can get away with other, whole, closed, shoes.
Go all star on ‘em.
or not. Either way, if you choose to go sockless, invest in a super moisturizing cream and ensure that it befriends your ankles.
Pair with higher cut shoes/ boots shoes to dress the look up…. or keep your ankles warm.
I feel like you’d be making the wrong kind of statement if you wear this type of capri with open-toe sandals. For one your proportions, head-to-toe, will not appear balanced in the sort of way that you might look like you’re about to topple over. Then, I mean, if it’s really that hot outside, you might want to consider wearing shorts.
Just no white, gym shoes. Please and thank you.
3. Socks
.
This trend is going to go well into Fall/ Winter [FW] ’11. When the temperature dips, just add socks to the fray. The colour and fabric of the capri may sober up, but the fun isn’t lost as the colour of your socks and shoes kick into high gear. Who said there’s no fun in Male Fashion.
4. Casual
.
Casual ones
and of course the North American fabric staple, Denim.
5. The Dress Capri
Or a full on suit [or blazer/ pant option], just with a pant with a precariously shorter inseam.
Pure swag.
In summary, today’s Male Capri:
- Is slim fitting
- Possesses no bulky side pockets
- Varies in length.
As a general rule, the shorter the hemline (between the ankle and the knee) the shorter, and stumpier, your legs will look. So the taller and slimmer you are, the higher you can take your hemline without risking looking like a dwarf.
- Should be worn with whole, closed shoes, rather than open-toed sandals.
Carry on.
b Freakin’Fabulous
A contributor at GQ.com, Tommy Ton’s work can be found here.
5 Things NOT To Do To Your Skin this Summer.
5 of the worst things you can do to your skin during Summer.
1. Aggressive Facials
.
By aggressive I mean any treatments that involve advanced exfoliation techniques, or includes terms such as chemical peels or microdermabrasion.
Also any facial procedures involving invasive techniques – cosmetic surgeries, nips, lifts, tucks – anything that pierces the face, should also be put off until the fall or winter, unless you would be recuperating in some retreat, indoors and far, far away from the hustle of life in the fast lane where the rest of us will be. If you would be at such a retreat, gwaan on along with your treatment and please do us all a favour and, like a good friend, not mention how ‘ super awesome’ it was.
Exposure to UV rays already increases skin’s sensitivity. No need to make this sensitivity worse by dousing your face in glycolic acid. This combination can result in your worse nightmare, including, but not limited to blisters, darkening of skin areas and disfigurement.
2. Skipping moisturizer
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Typically most skin types are more oily during the summer months. Those of us with naturally oily/ acne prone skin tend to forgo moisturizer altogether, thinking that this excess oil means that the skin moisturizes itself on it’s own. Increased oil production is usually a sign of dehydration, therefore it is important to replenish water levels in skin by increasing the amount of water you drink yes, but it’s said that only something like 10% of the water we drink actually make it to the skin. This is not something that you can quote me on, but considering that most of us barely pass the 2-glass mark daily for water, anything less than 115% absorption of this water we drink is cause for concern.
Therefore, applying a water-based, oil free moisturizer can help replenish the water levels in the skin. These types of moisturizers usually are labeled as such, may be referred to as a ‘gel’ or ‘fluid’ moisturizer and usually list ‘Water’ as the first ingredient.
Stay clear of anything that is labeled a ‘cream’, passes the ‘Dairy Queen’ test (you can turn the opened jar upside down and the contents not fall out), or contains mineral oil (or any such oil) in it’s ingredient listing.
3. Showering less
.
“So many fun things to do, so little time!”
No papi. Not so fast.
It’s summer. It’s warm, and it’s humid. Bacteria are in love. They breed, and they multiply, which inevitably results in an odour. YOUR odour, aka B.O.
Hygiene in general needs to be thrown into high gear, and on autopilot. Automatic. Noone wants to out more fires than necessary at the BBQ lime.
Let’s remember the Summer watchwords – Shower & Shave.
4. Not exfoliating
.
Closely related to #3, exfoliation of the body helps to remove excess oil buildup that may occur during the day. It helps skin to breathe, look instantly refreshed and ‘glow’, as manually exfoliating the body increases blood circulation.
You can cop one of those kazillion commercial body scrubs on the market and and get it on in the shower. However, I find most of them oily, and hardly worth their cost as most contain very little exfoliating ingredients.
Alternatives?
Dry brush your skin using a dry body brush before you shower, brushing in strokes that lead toward your heart (the direction in which your blood flows). I’ve read that dry brushing, among many other benefits such as shedding dead skin cells, rejuvenating the nervous system and assisting in lymphatic cleansing to name a few, also assists with decreasing the appearance of cellulite… could be as good a reason as any to try it I’d say. Hey, I’ve done more for the promise of far less.
I find dry brushing more effective than brushing your skin in the shower (wet brushing I presume, though this term makes me feel like I need handcuffs), as the bristles of the brushes, shown to the left, get softer in the shower.
I prefer my massage-pressure firm though, so if you are more of a light-pressure person, perhaps an in-shower brush-exfoliation may work. I do this twice a day – morning and evening.
For good measure, once a week I also do a body scrub, using a combination of cornmeal, honey and, for some slip, a bit of whatever body wash I’m using at the time. Sometimes I just use ground coffee beans and body wash. Whatever is convenient. For more on body exfoliation see Smooth Criminal.
5. Not using sunscreen
.
To my melanin-challenged folks, we aren’t all skin-kissed, bronze goddesses, I get that. But that is no reason to opt to play Cancer Roulette. Besides, sun-burns aren’t sexy, no matter what reality TV says. If wanting a tan is your reason to ride the sun-wave buck nekked, get a sun-less tan. There are tons on the market. I’m familiar with the brand Fake Bake – it’s fairly easy to use, it’s sold where I work, doesn’t leave you looking like like you belong on the Jersey Shore cast, and so this particular brand comes to mind, but there are many other brands. Try that route.
For those of us who are doing backstrokes in the melanin pond, don’t believe the hype that “Black Don’t Crack”. Not only can it crack, it can get mad spotty and unslightly – dark spots, light spots, uneven skin tone – you name it. Skin damage is not known to discriminate.
Be responsible with your skin, and, for wrinkles sake, use sunscreen.
Party on!
b FiercelyFabulous
Spring Clean Your Sunscreen.
To be brutally honest, yes, I am aware that this post maybe a tad late – about a month or two. If I knew exactly how late it was, I probably would have uploaded it on time. BUT, to my defense, I was actually waiting for Spring to arrive; A concept that worked a lot better penned in my journal than executed. I was sitting idly by, all freezing, awaiting Spring. Seeing that I am now sitting, idly by, all …misty… , with umm… *mist* beading down my calves, awaiting Spring, I figured that, perhaps, it would be a good idea to discuss it now.
People watch me funny when I say that it’s hot outside. I can only imagine that is because, of course, being a child of the Caribbean, I should be accustomed to the sun. But, dare I say, there is a difference between the Caribbean sun and the sun a country where the mere presence of it indicates a change of season.
For starters, there is no sea breeze. There is no sight of beachy paradise, and there is, on average, 14+ hours of it, everyday. My grandmother used to tell me that “Too much of a good thing is good for nothing”, and I do believe that that phrase can be applied here.
I will preface this by saying that that, I am in no way complaining about Summer. I love Summer in TO, at least the concept of it. My Prince gets a [welcomed, no doubt] break from the Velvet Hammer, and gets an all-expenses-paid vacay with his dad and grandparents, who he, quite politically, loves equally. “No favourites” he maintains. With any luck, I too will posses said tact one day.
There’s lots for a girl to love about summer in TO too. She gets to eat on patios with people whom she’s never met, and probably will never see again in life, so any fear of being judged because of any preferences regarding, eating with fingers, enjoying the taste of well-seasoned bones, or that fact that she may find people-watching, for hours on end while sipping herbal tea, entertaining. She can eat, or be otherwise entertained for free, go out on weekends, [or week-nights] and not have to be back before 6pm. Hell, she doesn’t have to be back, period. Why? Because apparently these are just some of the many options available to single folk. Or so I’ve heard. How novel.
So ya. Summer does have it’s perks.
But, right now it is rass hot, Period. When the weather man said this morning “a high of 32, but feels like 42″ he wasn’t lyin’. Then, you blink and it is too rass cold for that strapless-frock-and-thong-sandal that you decided to don because it is actually above zero today. HOLLA! Made sense, at the time sure. I mean, 32 degrees? How often does that happen? Just the thought transports one into a state of orgasmic euphoria. Must be, because some of the things that I see Grown people wear because it’s ‘Summer’ blows my mind. Three words when considering your kit:
- Size
- Disposition
- Age
The phrase “You’re as young as you feel” is misleading, don’t believe the hype. Please dress responsibly. Just because you feel like a 10 year old girl doesn’t mean you should dress like it, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. There’s enough fodder in that thought for another post - probably why I can sit on a patio all afternoon and “sip herbal tea”.
But back to the sunscreen. In all of our spring cleaning efforts – too warm or too small clothing, too dark or too long hair, too much extra weight, too flabby muscle, too much idiot or stupid people, do remember to renew your sunscreen.
If you purchased the sunscreen that you are currently using this time last year, REPLACE IT.
Chemical sunscreens, sunscreens that list active ingredients such as Homosalate, Oxybenzene, Octisalate, Avobenzene, Octocrylene or anything of the sort, are considered drugs, and as such, have an expiry date – usually 12-18 months after opening.
Indeed, exposing such products to summer heat, for example when stashed in beach bags, or in cars, can cause a chemical breakdown of the product, which may result in a shortening of its shelf life; In other words, the product spoils faster. Applying expired sunscreen to your skin can result in anything from increased skin sensitivity/ breakouts to sun burn.
For further explanation on the difference between a physical and a chemical sunscreen, see previous post, Sun and Skin type.
It is said that ‘one shot glass’ (1 oz.) of sunscreen is needed for a full body application. However, well, my body and your body doesn’t necessarily equate to the same ‘body’, so If you think that your body is a “little bigger than average”, then apply a little more. If you think your body is “more bigger”, well then apply more still. That’s all.
Regarding the face, a quarter sized amount of sunscreen should suffice. And yes, your foundation or loose powder may contain sunscreen, great for you. However, it’s not nearly enough in terms of real time protection from UV rays, especially during summer, so… gets to squirting.
Think sunscreen isn’t for you? See some common myths regarding sunscreen are discussed in the post Slip, Slop, Slap and Wrap.
b Freakin’Fabulous
It’s Official | Look Like Your Ex for $69.50
The madness is now official.
Meet the Levi’s “Ex-Girlfriend Jeans”
Product Description:
“Remember the girlfriend with the great style? Here’s a tribute to her — a fit that’s super-snug allover, an update of the five-pocket classic that’s as skinny as it gets. Made with plenty of stretch.”
Shown in Mask and available at a Levis Store near you.
Or if you really can’t wait, shop here.
Why do I feel a burning desire to tag this under “skin damage”?
Perhaps, the reason she left you was because you kept taking her isht?
Food for thought.
b Freakin’Fabulous
Best Mens S2011Trend | Colourific Love
S2011 | Custo Barcelona
There are some staples that a man should possess, regardless of the season. A timepiece, tailored suits, and the good sense to know that brown shoes go with a blue suit.
Then there are Spring staples. For example, a waterproof trench coat, a lightweight, cotton sports jacket and a pair of vintage sunglasses to shield you from the glares of average men. For men especially, the difference in seasonal trends, from year to year, may be a change in colour, cut, or perhaps an update on a classic style. Toss in some “out there”s, and your wardrobe, as a guy, is as good as complete. No fussing, no fighting.
Spring 2011 Trends.
There are the obvious trends, e.g. Military and the Biker trends. It is Mens Fashion after all. Chances are that the Military look would count.
An interesting, but perhaps not so obvious change is that it seems that a looser fitting mens pant leg is back. Yay! The cajones can breathe. This is not to say that the Mens skinny pant is no longer worn, because it is, but at the very least, the style seem to have peaked.
The, for want of a better word, absurd – Crop tops, Chains, Meggings (Mens leggings), Lace and sheer fabrics so delicate that not even I would wear them, Florals and Monokinis.
A glimpse at what Emporio Armani offered:
S2011 Monokini | Emporio Armani
Where do I start?
S2011 Meggings | Emporio Armani
Make up your mind. Do you want to be warm or cool? As if super, skinny, stretch jeans on men weren’t bad enough, the weather warmed up and brought us Meggings.
S2011 | Emporio Armani
Regardless of your sexual orientation, putting your jewels on display is always a DON’T.
S2011 Cropped and Sheer | Emporio Armani
Cropped tops looked odd in the 90s and this aesthetic never improved. They look even more out of place on the 21st century metro-sexual.
Cropped pants shorten your legs. Do forgo.
S2011 Lace and Chains | Emporio Armani
Want to get in touch with your softer side? Wear lavender or pink, rather than lace.
Impeccable fit, Debatable taste. Not a fan of conceptually complicated clothing and/or styling on men. They are intriguing and mysterious enough?, thanks. Me no likey. K.I.S.S.
By far the most stand-out-but-reasonable and, most importantly, wearable on trend this season is colour – Pastels or Bold, Printed or Plaid.
Your underwear may be monochromatic, but your clothes doesn’t have to be.
COLOUR
S2011 | Jill Sander
More editorial, less ready-to-wear for the average person perhaps, Yes?
I feel you.
Here are some ideas for wearing colour in a more down-to-earth, yet fashion forward manner. For balance, keep either the top or the bottom of the ensemble colourific and balance the other half with a neutral. Standard neutrals include white, grey, brown, navy, olive green and of course this season’s neutral, khaki.
Fitted button ups
S2011 | Dsquared
The key here is fit.
Long-sleeved tops
S2011 | Gilded Age
S2010 | Giorgio Armani
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
Casual Shirts
S2011 | Louis Vuitton
Cardis
S2011 | Gilded Age
Tees
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
Yay for everything, minus the raccoon eyes.
Dress Shirts
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
Men in sandals are possibly the most misunderstood.
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
Too loud for you? Try the Khaki Shirt, without question the season’s must have.
S2011 | Gucci
S2011 | Steven Allen
Never understood espadrilles, especially on men, but say what. I suppose it works here as a definite slipper upgrade.
The Khaki V-neck
S2011 | Etro
The Khaki Dress Shirt
S2011 | Dsquared
The Casual Khaki Shirt.
S2011 | Dsquared
There is so much versatility with this trend, we need to talk about this privately.
Pants
S2011 | Canali
S2011 | Moschino
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
Bring out the colours in your ensemble with some complementary socks
S2011 | Tommy Hilfiger
Windbreakers
Worn with shorts…
S2011 | Micheal Bastian
S2011 | Micheal Bastian
or trousers…
S2011 | Louis Vuitton
The Slim-fit, lightweight, cotton blazer
Pair with fitted button ups, a coloured tee, or coloured dress shirt. Dress up or down as required.
Double breasted or a single button, the right blazer pulls it all together.
S2011 | Dsquared
That Body.
Moving on smartly we have the bolder version…
S2011 | Dsquared
S2011 | Prada
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
Minimalist options:
Casual
S2011 | Gilded Age
S2011 | Dsquared
S2011 | Gucci
S2011 | Louis Vuitton
or swanky
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
S2011 | Canali
Yum.
Leather
S2011 | Dsquared
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
S2011 | Gucci
For the minimalists, brown counts too.
S2011 | Gilded Age
S2011 | Dsquared
Shoes
Add colour without going casual. Be casual, without looking like you’re going to the gym.
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
Swim trunks
Opt for solid-coloured, matte ones over tropical printed ones.
S2011 | Gilded Age
They mirror the solid, matte shorts of the season
S2011 | Gilded Age
I suppose if you are European, and live over yonder, and look like this, you can venture into these …
God is great. Gives a whole new meaning to the word ‘minimalism’.
As we’re on the topic, if you aren’t one to stray too far from your neutrals, then it’s all in the details for you.
The belt.
S2011 | Micheal Bastian
The tie.
S2011 | Gilded Age
S2011 | Gilded Age
You never have to be dressed up to wear ties like these.
S2011 | Moschino
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
S2011 | Micheal Bastian
S2011 | Ermenegildo Zegna
Under a cardigan
S2010 | Gilded Age
The piping.
S2011 | Moschino
The pocket square.
S2011 | Giorgio Armani
2011 TAKE ON CLASSICS
The Suit
The single button jacket re-surges this season for a look that is both classic yet fashion forward.
S2011 | Micheal Bastian
So is the double breasted jacket.
S2011 | Canali
Madd.
The Trench
If not out of pure necessity, Spring requires a trench. Make yours as versatile as you wanna be -
S2011 | Buckler
S2011 | Gucci
S2011 | Canali
S2011 | Canali
S2011 | Moschino
Hot. No-one would ever guess that all your underwear is white.
In the event that you light afire, be sure to throw on a pair of these vintage frames.
Moscot
b Freakin’Fabulous
The Science of Valentine’s Day Gift Giving
.
For some of us, the only thing more challenging than making it through Saint Valentine’s Day (V-Day), is getting the gift correct. Let’s face it, when it comes to V-day gifts, there are the “OOOOOOOOOH!!!!“s, the “Oh….“s, and the “OH.“s.
Yes, V-Day is commercialized (what isn’t), and perhaps a bit overrated. We can go on forever and ever about that, but, if, at the end of all your boo-hoos and wha-whas, you are still going to give your special someone something, it has to make the grade.
A lot of pressure? Absolutely.
Especially if you only remember to get a gift the night before, and the only thing that is open is the pharmacy.
There is a science to V-day gift giving. Saint Valentines Day is a very unique day of the year. Though, like a Birth day or Christmas Day, it occurs every year, it carries a different sentiment. altogether There are no norms or customs. There is no onslaught of gifts from family and familiar faces. There is no expectation from anyone, but one, and that one, is YOU. Therefore, it is important that your gift does not flop.
That sad, solitary rose broadcasts that you forgot, and so do gift cards. You are better off getting a blank card, and filling it with all of the things that you don’t find yourself saying on a daily basis.
Gift cards are impersonal, and scream that you either didn’t have time to get a real present, or that you don’t know the person well enough to figure it out. There is a reason why the gift card business makes money – It is only useful if you remember that you have it. I have a Sephora gift card floating around for the last 4 years, and I’m a Beauty-product Junkie. Let’s work that math out.
A friend recalls her best V-day gift.
“… the biggest, fluffiest, white and red teddy bear, a bunch of 24 long stemmed red roses, and the most beautiful pair of gold earrings….was sent to me at work…delivered by 3 [uniformed] guys, all dressed alike…”
I cannot begin to count the fantasies in there. The 3 uniformed guys, showing up at the right time, could have been a present enough. “Heeeyyyyy!”
To date, the best V-day gift I’ve ever received was a heart-shaped, diamond ring, ambushed by long-stemmed roses. It was the best gift not because it was the most expensive thing that I’ve ever received, it was the best gift because I didn’t expect it. I was in high-school, he was as hot as Hell itself, and it was the first possession that I can recall actively hiding from my parents. Now that I have had some experience with men, I should have probably kept him around.
All that to say, the key to V-day gift giving, is that the gift need not be expensive, nor dramatic, It just needs to be memorable.
So what’s hot for 2011?
TECHNOLOGY
Technology is the new bling. The best thing about this gift idea is that it works whether your partner/ significant other/ FWB, is male or female.
If you are running low in the cha-ching department, Apps are good idea. There are millions to choose from.
Another cool yet manageable tech idea getting upgraded phones. And why not? You don’t have to measure for size, wonder if s/he will like the scent or colour as you would if you were buying cologne, a tie, jewelry or of course, the guy’s fav… socks.
Already both have smart phones? Get an unlimited data plan so that you can sexy bbm whole day, or perhaps ones with video talk options *blink*. What you do with those options is your call.
Reading is Sexy. It is especially if you are reading from a Nook, Kindle, or, Helleeeer, an Ipad. An eReader is a good option if you have a little extra cash to spare.
CLASSIC MENTIONABLES
These take a little more thought, and may require more planning time. However, there is more mileage on the impression left.
A wellness service for two.
Gift cards for wellness services seem to be very on trend. Yes, we do all need to de-stress, but very few of us like to leave our house to de-stress alone. Whether your significant other takes you, or a bff, a couples massage, for example, will go a lot longer than one meant for… well, one.
Magazine subscriptions.
For a magazine that s/he actually reads, of course. Inexpensive but appreciated, s/he will be reminded of you for at least a year.
Entertainment for two
Tickets to a show that s/he likes, or to a sports game for a team that s/he is a fan of. Or what about ones to that jerk Trey Songz’ concert, because she’s been dying to see him for like… forever. So what if you think he’s gay?
You may not be a fan of the activity, but suck it up, get them, and go anyway.
You really shouldn’t do something because of the kick-back, but you never know how that favour may be repaid.
I’m just sayin’.
The Romance Option
For a real mojo igniter, how about a romantic overnight stay at a hotel, with a dinner for two, and a breakfast in bed option for the next morning? Or perhaps a weekend getaway to a city of your choice. Feel free to insert a Spa in-room couples massage here as well. You’d get at least a couple free passes out of the dog house for this one right here, let me tell you. Oh, unless you are aiming for company in 9 months, be sure to walk with your family planning kit.
Jewelry, with a customized twist
Up the jewelry ante by getting something with a special date or name inscribed in it. *Dark Vader’s Pookie Bear* on the back of that beautiful Micheal Kors Baguette-Bezel, Rose Gold, Watch. No judgments, just suggestions. Do you.
His & Her Clothing
His and her leather jackets. Fab.
Switch it up guys.
Take a walk on the wild side and visit your local Victoria’s Secret, or similar store, with your significant other. Again, go with her. Please, do not play hero and try to figure out the fit based on your sizing up of the sales person’s figure/ size. Yes, it’s a great thought, but doing so may very well result in a great thought that flopped, epically, in its execution.
The possibilities of this novel idea flopping are endless.
1. Since she has to wear it, it would help her mood if she likes what she is wearing, and of course if it fits well. There are very few things as uncomfortable as ill-fitting, non-stretch lace. I’d wear shoes that are too small for a day and a half, over doing that.
2. The last thing you would want to purchase for a woman is any clothing that is either overly big or overly small. This can result in an awkward silence, questions, or worse, just one question, the answer(s) to which you will never, ever be qualified enough to answer.
“You really see me as THIS BIG???”
or the thought…
***Wow… I guess I’m bigger than he thinks…***
They both suggest an issue with weight, which is, of course, not the response that are looking for. You shall be sleeping with yourself that night… on the couch. Not fun.
3. Regardless of what porn tells us, not all women feel sexy in lingerie. For these types of women, lingerie is then more of a present for you than for her, so maybe you can save this gift idea for your birthday. VS sells a myriad of things. Going with her enables her to get something that she actually wants – pampering beauty essentials, or even swimwear. Yes, I it may be still winter outside. A jump start on fashion on someone else’s dime? Always Fab.
b Freakin’Fabulous
Please Make the Stupid People Shut Up.
One of the most challenging things about parenting for me is that, invariably, I have to deal with people who, in my individual life, I would not in a million years choose to associate with in any way, shape, form or manner whatsoever. As a matter of fact said folks would not so much as be identified on my human radar.
You see homo sapiens in fine form when they are dealing with their kids, especially when their kids are in a group with other people’s kids.
How we deal with ‘challenging circumstances’ that we never saw coming, like when you feel like your kid is has a personal vendetta against you, and so tries to embarrass you by telling the parent of one of his friends that you are having a ‘playdate’ with that s/he “doesn’t eat kind of food, no thanks”, how we deal with ‘other people’s kids’, who, as we deem it, have no broughtupcy, or my personal favorite, how we as parents, deal with those issues that we are again faced with; the same said issues that perhaps we didn’t get over as a kid. After all, just because you stretched out of your uncoordinated limbs and managed to escape the nightmare that you may have experienced in elementary or high school, doesn’t mean that you’re over it.
Regardless of what the retail stores are trying to tell me, it is winter. I live in the northern part of North America – A human refrigerator for most of the year, a freezer for the other few months. So hell, you need to learn to do something with all that white stuff – whether it’s shaved or frozen. There’s a rink on the other side of the road, so I decided that the Guy and I would pick up ice skating. I figured, whether it’s recreational or for that dangerous looking sport that they call ice hockey, what’s the use of being a boy in these parts if you can’t hold your own on the ice? So… ice skating here we come. As it turned out, the ice skating classes that you can sign up for are all full, but so what. I was never one to accept that I couldn’t do something because the most obvious path was under construction.
Now, as a child of the 80s, I donned the white-and -red roller skates with the mismatched florescent bobby socks, complete with matching hair ribbons, and my half-and-half, bikini-cut, panty-looking, acid-wash, denim that was precariously attached to a pouffy, white, cotton fabric, like no other, with matching moves of course. Just call me the Roller Skating Ninja.
Then came the Roller Blade. Not as comfy as the Roller Skate in my opinion, but it was new and my aunt got a pair from one some family that lived in NY, so I of course took a borrows from time to time and got the hang of it.
Conceptually, the Roller Blade and the Ice Skate looked similar to me. I could at least manage to hold my own on the ice, and the Guy, just like I did when I was his age, will practice and practice, (i.e. fall and fall) until he can figure out how to hold his own, I thought. After all, in this activity, more than anything else, balance is key. You can do almost anything if you know how to recover, if not maintain, your balance I mused.
In my desire to just “shoot the breeze and bond” on the rink, I realized a few things, one of which was that his activity ain’t cheap. Helleeeer!
One hundred plus bills later we hit the rink. That was funny in so many ways I can’t even count them.
I fell once, and I’m proud about that, if only because my shins and knee caps are living proof of months and months of learning to skate by any means necessary. A couple of those scrapes resulted from scaling chain linked fences and climbing mango and guava trees -survival of the fittest when you grow up with only boy cousins in Barataria, but I digress.
The state of my knees is always a topic of conversation with guys I meet. They try to non-nonchalantly comment on it, and then I glance over at their silky smooth, hairless gams, and well manicured nails and a customary awkward silence follows. Pretty predictable but always amusing.
Maybe that’s what you get for growing up in the Caribbean back then, or maybe I was just a tomboy, who was never impressed by the fact that I was born a girl [the latter I know for sure]. Either way, I saw roller skating on TV, but I never had any cool roller skating parties to attend, so I learned it the only way I know how – on the everlastingly long, red, concrete, walkway with a pair of matching concrete embankments with an uncanny affinity for my shins, that led to the front door of my grandmother’s house. I think these days employers lump that under ‘The ability to use your available resources wisely’. So, after picking up a similar contraption some 20 years after, dammit yes, I’m proud that I fell just once this time.
Day 3 at the rink, the Guy sees a fellow Grade-mate and, of course, is excited. I cringe a bit after seeing who the kid is – a whiny, know it all who always finds the need to highlight what’s wrong with all the other kids- but relief soon follows as perhaps, I think, this means that I can spend less time on the ice, and more time on the side banks with the other parents. The class that I missed the sign-up date for, was about to start shortly so there was some time for the boys to kick it on the ice before they parted ways.
It’s all going skatingly well. I’m about to leave for the sidelines when I overhear the kid whisper:
“My dad thinks you’re a pretty lousy skater and that you can’t glide well… but I think that you’re doing pretty well… for your 3rd time. This is my 13th time skating”.
.
..
…
….
Because, of course Dad, your kid is Wayne Gretzky. What a nosebleed.
Ohh! It’s YOU who is the idiot Dad, for picking on a kid. That’s where the kid gets it from.
Truth is, I’ve realized that Guy is a whole lot tougher than I will ever be. I suppose part of it can be attributed to going to a public school in a Big City. I’ll just leave it at the fact that Guy handled the situation a whole lot better than I did on the rink. At school the day after, Guy and the kid swapped ice skating war stories, how excited they are to meet up on the rink again, next weekend.
I, however, am dreading seeing the Dad again, because the good Lord alone knows how I was able to hold it together to walk past him on the way out of the rink without clobbering him the first time.
If practice makes better, Guy will be better by the end of Winter.
However, that also means that, when Guy is running things in this world, the Dad will continue to be an even better Idiot, because the habit of practicing doesn’t discriminate between constructive and not-so-constructive behaviours and/ or outcomes.
“Dear God,
Please continue to give me the serenity, strength, and wisdom to deal with other parents.
Amen.”
Freakin’Fabulous.
The Frog Prince | Is that YO’ man?
Sitting in a car stuck in traffic, my attention is caught by a small, but noticeable brawl happening in the car next to me. The driver of the car was being verbally whipped by his female companion.
Chick: “Wa yuh watching she so for eh!?“
Dude: “Baby, I wasn watching nobody.”
Chick: “Yes! ah see yuh! yuh was watching that skinny Bi-atch. Yuh fine she nice, eh?”
Two slap pelt.
Chick: “Eh? eh? whey she is? lemme firetruck she up.”
I have to admit the ish was funny, I mean who doesn’t like a little gridlock drama to break up the monotony of the red-light that will not turn.
But when their car pulled up level with mine and she started cursing ME? Well that was a different set of laughter altogether. Why was she angry with me? What did I do? Driving off, the last I saw, chick was jumping out the car to get over to the driver’s side.
I didn’t think about it much, until I was forced to remember the episode when I was at dinner later that same week.
Now, first things first, you know this diva. She don’t leave her house looking like no VIT [Vagrant in Training]. Skinny Jeans, nice shirt and, since I really liked the fella who was taking me out, he was worthy of me bringing out the big guns – SLAMMIN’ heels.
Oblivious to anyone other than my my date, I take my seat, and the night begins on a lovely note.
Enter twenty minutes, and I become conscious of not one but two pairs of eyes glaring at me. Two ladies, both on their own dates, are giving me LEVEL cut eye. They’re strangers to one another and they are unaware of each other, but from my vantage point I can see that this is not going to turn out well if I am not careful. Simply because, try as they hard as they could, their male counterparts are trying not to look as if they are looking at me, and one idiot just gave up the fight and stared at me without any thought for his companion.
Now, please do not think that I am standing on a corner toot-toot-tooting on my little rusty horn. I am by no means a pagent queen, and would be the first to tell you that I ain’t no exotic beauty. I should have known that those shoes would have that kind of effect on men. They were my CFMs/ FMPs, [if you are unsure about what THAT is click here] and NO MAN can resist.
But I get away from my topic.
I am wondering why it is that we ladies are quick to attack another woman, an innocent woman, just because she exists, when the problem is clearly the fault of the toads we sometimes try to turn into princes?
How is it my fault that their MAN (temporary or not) does not respect them. I have been there too, sitting in the front seat of a car and my companion is distracted by a pair of long legs or a buxom beauty. Out comes the tongue, looney tunes style, eyes bug out on springs, and the hearts fly above the ears. The brave ones (or the stupid ones – you pick) may even go so far as to say:
“Pssst, O lord gyal, yuh sexy too bad! MMM! Ah HONG-gry!“
If I am out on a date, or its my BF, then I find some way to politely remind him that I am still breathing beside him, and then I either let this disaster take its course and remind myself that I am quite capable of taking a taxi, head for the hills, never again to return.
Ladies: Life Lesson # 456.
.
Never tolerate your date/boyfriend disrespecting you in any way whatsoever.
Take into consideration, however, that if he takes a peep, without hurting your feelings. He’s trying. After all he ain’t dead or blind. But at least he has taken into consideration that you are there beside him and he is aware that you have feelings. Never make a scene. You are just opening the door for him to disrespect you some more. Possibly to give his card to the lady he was oogling when you leave to go to the bathroom, having just written you off as drama he could do without.
And, # 678,
Never EVER blame the other woman.
Unless she sashays brazenly over to the table where you are sitting enjoying your meal, looking at each other all googly-eyed, drinking your champagne, all arms curled, you know honeymoon style, Unless she offers her self to him and makes and holds eye contact with your stallion, inviting him to mount, Unless she takes out her boob and flings it at him thereby catching and keeping his attention, you need to be taking out whatever vexation you have on your man.
Rinse and Repeat.
YOU accepted the responsibility of training a toddler, didn’t you?
You, my friend, are the one who chose this poor excuse for a human being, and let him share the divine castle that is your life. You saw the signs; you know how he do. What you fretting with the innocent for?
In fact, I’d even go so far as to say: It’s YOUR issue. Take it up with yourself.
Because you are the one who is sending the message that you are not worthy of being treated like the ‘princess’ that you obviously think you are. Wake up! If you have kissed this frog a thousand times and he still doesn’t go POOF! and turn into the handsome, gallant prince – smoke, mice and footman included – see him for what he is, a toad, gather him up, and take him back to the sewer where you found him. *splish!* He’s home now, and believe me he’s happy.
But if you keep him *smile* and he treats you the only way he knows how being a toad from the sewer, i.e. like ish, then who’s fault is that? The hot W.O.W. wearing the killer heels, sitting with her own Prince, who incidentally is not looking anywhere else but at her object of affection, who couldn’t be bothered with the chicken heads.
“No ma’am sorry but I don’t feel like chicken today. How about a rump roast, medium rare, sauce on the side please and thank you.”
And resumes staring lovingly at his companion? My fault? NOOOO. Its YOUR fault baby, for not reading GC more often, and applying the tips we share every damn day for cleaning out your closet.
Trust me, these dramatic displays of emotion never do anything but paint you as the needy, emotionally unbalanced, grasping, human being you are, [or are not].
Try this instead:
In carefully modulated tones, and with the sweetest smile that you can conjure up on your face, say:
“Um, hey hun – are you about to go give her your number? Cause if you are, let me give her for you. I was just thinking that you two would make a lovely couple. She is so your type.
Sooo… Should we order now?”
And then make a mental note to call your friend when you get to the ladies, and see if they still wanna hit the club after this dinner is over, cause if homeboy don’t realize that you are Fabulously Fierce, then he deserves to be left behind, sitting next to his sewer waiting for his next victim to come along and mistake him for a Frog Prince.
Let someone else handle that mess.
Forward ever.
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
I have always felt that in order for one to achieve true happiness, one must follow one’s life path, while stepping on the least number of toes possible, or causing hurt to anyone around you otherwise.
I have been privy to many ideas and notions of what makes a man, a man. The alpha male. The good man. The elusive one as I like to call it.
There is the physical attribute bit – tall, easy on the eye, strong shoulders, shoulders straight not rounded, generally fit … My ideal man does have a resemblance to a certain shape-shifting wolf, in a certain series of sunsetting of movies…
Back to the point at hand, there are lots of ideas of what a real man should look like, and how he should act. I overheard an idea this week, which spoke of men as powerful creatures, who ruled the world with just a hint of a smile and charisma, with firmness, and of course people follow him every where like slaves, or mice stumbling after the pied piper.
The true male – at least by society’s standards – is without fault, and without failure.
Hmm. Good luck with that.
I find that hard to believe. In fact I will go so far as to say the Alpha male, as was just described, does not exist.
I’ve had a lot of interaction with the male species of human being, but first let me give you some insight into who I am as a woman.
I am not lacking in intelligence. I am not in the habit of allowing situations that occur in and around my personal space to colour my feelings – ( that all men are horrid, horrid creatures), though I will admit to having used it at one point or another, in a natural fit of rage, for example when the child’s father insists on not purchasing the stuff for the child like he said he would.
In my experiences, it would appear that men can swing either which way when it comes to being a good or bad one. But this isn’t limited to only men – each person has the potential to become either the best that they can be, or the worst being mankind has ever seen.
The notion that men are these invincible beings, at the top of the food chain, who possess the power to screw with my life as they see fit is the part that I don’t subscribe to. This is real life not “Twilight” dammit.
What we have is the Individual Man, the one who does not fit in to any mould cut out for him by any society, but tries to live his life as best he can without consciously hurting anyone that he may meet – male or female
Now we talking.
I could care less whether a man displays Alpha male tenancies, from what I read these are easy to imitate, so easy I see an entirely different species – women – imitating it quite convincingly.
What I’d rather see is a man who has the guts and the gumption to own his actions.
Trust me when I say that I don’t want to hear the excuse,
” Well I was hurt by another woman long time ago ,and so I just going to do the same thing to every other woman I meet until I feel that I have squeezed out of life what is due to me.”
That doesn’t make you a Pretend Alpha Male, or an Alpha Male who’s been hurt and isn’t really like that , that just makes you a vindictive douche.
And I don’t want to know that you “have respect for every woman” as an Alpha male, because you and I know that is also a load of crock. Ish on a stick. If you can drop your pants and share some sugar stick without having feelings for your lady friend that doesn’t make you a bad person, that just means that you are taking what is being offered. What defines you is whether you are being HONEST about it.
I believe in the actions of the Individual Male.
I believe that each person should do what is right for him/her without actively causing pain to another by their actions. What I hate most about any man is the justification for their actions.
“Well I didn’t tell you I loved you back because I was taken off guard”…
“Well yes I did cheat on you, but you never give me attention anymore.”
“Well, I was hurt by another woman that you don’t know at all, and that is why I acted how I did, treated you how I did, I’m really a swell person and you should love me now, I’m all better…”
“I respect women across the board, I love and cherish women, what? Relationship you say? um nah – lets just have some quick sex – but doh tell anyone eh? I don’t want my friends to know that we are having sex. It would complicate things and people would know that, well… we’re having sex.”
“I hit you but you made me do it, no honey I wasn’t listening to Chris Brown or Eminem at the time.”
When I do my wrongs and I’m found out, I accept that I’ve been caught ,and I brace myself for whatever the consequences may be. I won’t say I’ve never told a lie, or ever hurt someone by my actions – that would be an untruth. But, when presented by the irrefutable evidence of misbehaviour as I would see it – I always judge a person by themselves – Never with the weight of their predecessors on them. Its oh – so tempting but really? What good would that serve?
I cannot and will not allow society to corral me into what they think should be as a “Woman”.
So what if I’m not married at 32, and so what if I didn’t go to college? So what if I am not a Beauty Queen, or have life handed to me on a silver platter, So what? If they think I don’t fit the mould of what they think I should be – then they missing out on a great person. Their loss.
Likewise, I refuse to buy into what society thinks is what a man should be, or how he should act. The only thing I want from a man is that he be honest with him self and me.
Yuh like plenty woman? Say so.
Yuh like to party at the night club? Say so.
Yuh just want to have a sexual relationship – no feelings or emotions involved? Tell me.
Tell me up front and then let me make the decision whether I want to deal with that isht or not.
Who knows maybe I might say - “yeah ok… cool” or perhaps “Nah I’m on a different path right now.”
But don’t lie to and make people think, by word or deed, that there is a chance, for something greater, or (the best one) that the other person is at fault, To me this is what defines a man as a man.
We all know that some people may think that its ok to subscribe to this kind of nonsense. I’m not judging them for that, but I refuse for anyone to think I am less for my choices , because my choices are not their choices.
Everyone is always quick to point fingers, to judge, but I am a strong advocate of fixing what is in your house first before you lend me your hammer to nail down meh roof.
All of us are human. We all have to deal with our choices in life. But there is not one rule that states that we have to be silent about it – just because society does not agree with what they believe is right.
Men to me are just that. Men.
Capable of fault, and making mistakes. And choosing that path to where ever it is they need to go. Equipped with the knowledge of right and wrong. What makes you a better MAN is not your animalistic tendencies. What makes you a REAL man is not whether you display societies definition of the Alpha male.
Its your compassion for your fellow man. Your Ability to lead despite what society says about you. The knowledge of what is right and what is wrong and the implementation of this into your everyday life.
The ability to say:
“Hey there. I made a terrible mistake. I do think you are a swell lady. But when you were ready for love I was not. its not that I didn’t feel the same way, its just that i wasnt ready for any kind of feeling at all…”
The presence of mind to say – “This is me. You may not like it but here I am. Take it or leave it.”
And of course the ability to see when you have a good woman who loves you. Chances are she won’t be your ideal woman either (not every one looks like Aishwarya Rai).
Its so NOT you talking about your fellow man, behind his back, trying to make another man look small, pointing fingers at someone because their choices are not your choices. Its not you trying to make them look a certain way in the eyes of the lady who used to be in love with you but now has fallen in love with someone else. Someone you may not consider worthy of her. Someone you may think is not society’s idea of a Real Man.
But look at it this way.
If she were so great, and worthy of a good man when you had her in your sights? What stopped you from showing her off to the world? What made you let her go?
A real man would say: “I had a good woman. I messed it up. She’s happy now. I want her to be happy.”
A real man would concentrate on making himself better. He would not think that he is above reproach, he would try to make him self better for the next lucky lady who happens to choose to be in love with him.
A real man is just that -REAL.
Forward ever.
Puma Was Here
It’s funny how things happen. A good friend of mine was chatting with a group of us about her liaisons with a younger man. Married and going through tough times, she was contemplating ‘going the distance’ with a much younger guy who she met at a party some months before.
Apparently everyone in the group was having a younger man experience. All of us, in our thirties, were suddenly the objects of desire for men born in the eighties. After the cougar jokes were made, we looked at Halle, Demi, Bo and their relationships, the pros and cons of adultery, the ‘wondering what these guys would be like under the cover of darkness, and we all wanted to know:
Can this phenomenon of older woman/younger man work?
Thus came an informal Island Girl survey.
I asked some other friends the question: can an older woman and a younger man work, or is it doomed to be just a hot and heavy, non-committal type of interaction that eventually ends with the older woman in therapy and reverting to an insecure “22-year old” behaviour and the younger man hooking his hands in his belt loops screaming, “Scored!”?
Answers thus far:
“Man just like woman. Age is just a number. I don’t think it matters, once the sex good.” (Man)
“Well, at first, I think women will start off in control because the younger men usually give them the reins. And then somewhere they hand it to the younger men because it would have gone beyond sex by that time for the women. And men do not like commitment, no matter the age. So no, I do not think it will last.” (Woman who was with someone 8 years younger)
“Older women are more confident and they know what they want. That’s hot!” (Man)
“Depends where the woman is. If she knows what she wants and is in control of the situation, great. If she is a mess, it can’t work. If he is a mess, then look out –drama!” (Woman)
So everyone has his/ her opinion. I have a very good friend who is married to an older woman. They worked together, in the same organisation, separate departments, and dated quietly. Their relationship never interfered with their work, and they just had their first baby. The secret of their success is simple: “no drama and most excellent sex!” I laughed when he told me that. With men it is so simple.
On the flip side, another friend is dating a younger man. He is definitely fun, active and energetic and adores her from what I see. Sex according to her is ridiculously good. “But,” she whispers, “he is so moody! Like a child! Sometimes I just want to lick him down! But then he smiles and kisses me and I melt!”
I ask this question because I am interested in whether this situation could work for me. After the fur settled from the dog (Brian)/cat (Mimi, Camz, etc.) fight, I contemplated a lot of things. Am I limiting myself based on my 999 parameters for the ‘perfect’ man for Island Girl? Should I widen the search, incorporating those who have less money than me (so that is probably a vagrant); who have less education, and who were probably born in the eighties? Yikes!
I can’t lie. Younger men are fun-loving and more active! They have better bodies, well at least those who have been presented to me. I celebrated a birthday recently at a club. Met three guys…cute, bodies rocking. Ages: 22, 25 and 26! I’m laughing loudly as I write this, because the conversation, combined with alcohol and loud music?… Choke!
All were quite complimentary – “You smell good”. “You have great legs” . “You have a pretty smile”. Because everyone around me kept screaming Happy Birthday, the inevitable question was asked. When I answered no one seemed fazed. One of them even tried to cop a feel of my butt. Cheeky bugger. Yuck, but points for confidence (and hey, I almost got play for my b-day!).
My interest is sheer curiosity at this point. I have seen the flip to older man/younger woman growing in popularity, not just internationally, but locally as well. I like the idea of a guy who is up to, and I use the term to refer to all activities, anything and everything. Most literature cites that the energy between an older woman and younger man comes sans the commitment. It is raw, honest and most of all, fun for both partners. But…
My friend started out that way.
Her reasons for seeing him were purely primal. The hubby just was not doing it for her in that department. Golf and portfolio are his obsessions, so she began the liaison with the ‘smallie’ as he is referred to in ladies’ company. They both got to be together, but also to do their own thing. Then, suddenly, what was sexual connection and passion, turned into a deep, emotional bond between them. She, who is of the “my-biological-clock-is-ticking” club, felt that a non-commitment, a purely physical relationship, would decrease her chances of producing progeny (of course, complicated by the married part).
Midnight bbms between friends about whether she should nip it in the bud, should she just wait for the proverbial axe to fall etc., were the norm. She wanted to be with him all the time. He, though saying that he was in love, was not ready for the commitment of spawn. They are trying to work out a compromise. How does one compromise adultery, childbirth and parenthood…hmmm. I wait with bated breath.
I did psychology. This growing phenomenon was initially frowned upon because it seemed to cement the Freudian theory that older women were mother substitutes to younger men, and they, the women, were robbing the cradle. I think it’s garbage. Today, it is more socially acceptable – it is now a trend and will soon become a norm.
These days it seems that I am surrounded by younger men –at work, at after work limes, at the gym. Maybe it is a sign! So what would happen to Island Girl if she decided to venture down this path?
I am not one for the biological clock. It has not hit me, and I seriously doubt it will.
Am I in the market for great sex with no commitment? Not sure about that either.
I do know I want to have fun, feel special and just enjoy life! It seems to be a few of the benefits of this kind of relationship according to all the literature and testimonials. Is it one of those things that would burn brightly then fade out faster than you can say…well, anything really? I am less rooted in convention but would it be a waste of time for both ‘smallie’ and me? I believe that the correlation between age and maturity is negligible. Anyone can be attracted to one another regardless of race, religion, sex or age. What I think that may make this a workable situation is the mental bond. So I think age does not really matter.
What do you think? Should I open myself to any possible experience with a ‘smallie’?
For now, on to other things.