Posts Tagged ‘positive vibes’

Sleeveless: The New Micro Mini?


The right to bear arms.

Absentmindedly, while giving myself a pedi, I was watching a show on Fashion Television, where Jeanne Beker was interviewing two sisters, who I believe were writers – forgive me,  for I only caught the show well into more than half of it. In the interview, she asked if, in their opinion, people, specifically women, ought to dress their age. This question was met with dead silence, which seemed to have lasted forever, but I’m sure in reality only lasted a couple seconds. The writers looked at each other with a bit of a puzzled look, followed by a smirk, and then a huge grin.

Indeed, a controversial topic, if ever there was one.

Should we dress our age?

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In the end, it seemed that the both writers agreed that it would be recommended, although one was more emphatic about that view than the other, expressing utter shock and horror at women ‘of a certain age’ wearing sleeveless tops… or exposing their necks.

Poor Jeanne, who was visibly shocked at the response, or perhaps I should say more so disappointed. In light of the fact as, in light of the fact that she revealed that, though she was currently wearing a turtleneck, she is, in fact, a lover of the sleeveless. It was evident that she didn’t share the same view, though, though she was aware that, in some circles, this may be considered a major fashion “don’t”, as she recalled commenting on her arms – on camera, during one of her shows. See for Jeanne, she sees fashion as more of a mindset than an age thing.

Or should we dress our minds?

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Maybe there is no black and white answer.

Perhaps we ought to dress how we wish others to perceive us, or at least dress in what we feel most comfortable and powerful in, – outside of sweats *cough*.

“Dress your lifestyle, and you’ll always be relevant.”

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If one’s clothing doesn’t match one’s lifestyle, there will never be balance, and so, perhaps the problem is bigger than the clothes.  Just my opinion.

I’d be the last to condone dressing to please anyone else, but there must be the acceptance that there is a generally understood concept – how you present yourself to the world, is one of the factors which help communicate to the world exactly which point of view you are coming from.  It’s all a part of the ‘body language’ conversation really, and less so rocket science. Though complex as individuals, as a species humans are simple – It the end, it’s all about vibes.

What vibes are you giving off?

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Side note: The writers threw out an interesting statistic – That one in three (3) things we purchase, is a mistake, i.e. it either is not flattering, or is not the best look for us, aka it’s just wrong. E. Gad, say it ain’t so.

Perhaps the whole notion of dressing your age may be related to that. Logically speaking, the older we get, the more in tune with our personal style we ought to be, and so the less mistakes we are likely to make. But of course, it’s never that simple, is it. That high-waisted, fuschia, American Apparel leggings for example that I purchased with a matching navy one, and standard black long tank comes to mind – Yeah, about that statistic, I get you.

Having it all

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Something else that caught my attention was a conversation about “Having it all’. One of the writers said that she found it interesting that at every graduation, at every turning point in young woman’s life, there is a well accomplished woman who, by all appearances has it all, (which is why I suppose she was asked to address the young women in the first place), who is usually the greatest advocator that it’s not possible to have it all. Funny. She later concluded, less often regarded fact to this discussion is that to have it all requires a great deal of hard work, sweat and perhaps more than a few tears. That, perhaps that it’s less so that it’s not possible and more that it’s not a path for the weak willed, or lazy among us.

Right about here the sister of the first writer offered her two cents – that having it all simply means that you are at a point where

“…what you want, and what you currently have are in balance.”

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Simply, it does not necessarily reflect the balance on your chequing account, the number of kids you have, or if you are married or in any sort of committed relationship or not. She then recounted a time when she had just gotten a divorce, was living in a tiny apartment, and was a struggling writer, but at that moment in her life she felt like she had it all – that is to say, she was in a place where she was happy. She was doing exactly what she wanted to do, at that point in time, and felt that she was well on her way to success on her terms.

I’ve read that success is not the key to happiness, but that happiness is the key to success. So ya, I get it. I get it now.

In the end, it always seems to come down to balance, doesn’t it?

b FiercelyFabulous

Photo Credit

How to | Summerize a Simple Frock

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Fall may be fast approaching, sure, but summer is still here.  Starting with a simple dress, even a black one, here are 5 ways to bring some Summer into your life, and your remaining wardrobe, without busting the bank.

1. Add Stripes

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Nautical stripes (blue and white) is the most widely associated with spring and summer, but really any sort of stripes will do. A striped canvas bag/ tote, striped espadrilles, a striped headband – anything striped will work.

Prada’s multicoloured stripes were most popular this spring/ summer season, perhaps evidenced by the fact that it has been so widely duplicated from anyone from H&M to the chinee shop down the road, and everyone in between.

2. Add Shimmer

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Replace your customary blush with a bronzer, which you can layer under your blush when you re-introduce it in the Fall.

Mix a bit of loose golden/ bronze pigment/ shimmer powder/ loose shimmer eyeshadow – whatever you have, with a dab of your normal lotion and apply it to your skin – particularly your arms, legs and whatever else you will be baring. Blend well. Of course you can just buy shimmer lotion if you want to, but I try to find ways to use the ridiculous amount of coloured cosmetics that I own, don’t use and have a difficult time throwing away for whatever reason.

I find that moisturized skin that shimmers looks instantly healthier and toned. Seeing that I haven’t been to the gym all summer, that’s an optical illusion that I can work with.

3. Add Colour

Colour can come from anywhere really

- Makeup

Coloured lips, either lipgloss or lipstick – your preference, is the easiest way to add some colour to your makeup. Pink and coral tones are most widely used, largely because these tones are easiest to wear and most flattering on most skin types. Coral lip colour will carry you through fall, so feel free to still cop one that flatters your skin tone.

Adding a coloured eyeliner, like a teal, turquoise, forest green… can up the ante on your summer nights look, as would coloured mascara. But please, unless the  eyeliner and mascara are the exact colour, do either or.

- Shoes

Pumps, moccasins, sandals, wedges, Keds, Vans, whatever you choose to wear, add some colour or patterns to the mix.

Please, flip-flops are for the beach and belong nowhere near an office.

- Bag

Choose whatever style of bag matches your personality. A fanny pack if you are a no-fuss minimalist. A tote if you have a kazillion must haves. A knapsack. A messenger bag if you are more the ‘ready, set, gone’ type. Whatever bag your personality craves, get a coloured/ patterned one.

- Accessories

Add hair accessories like bandeaus, flower pins/ clips, stack statement tatement bangles/ necklaces OR add brightly coloured earrings. Choose one and work it.

One thing to make sure when earring shopping – most bold earrings tend to be heavy so make sure to check out the weight of them before purchasing. 5lb laptops are near passe, why would you want to carry a 10lb earring? Stretched earlobes, much like a back injury, cannot be reversed.

- Belts

Thick/ thin/ woven/ metallic/ leather/ pleather or otherwise, a coloured belt can take your wardrobe up a summer notch.

Tip: Let your physical size, both girth and height, be your guide to choosing the width of your belt. The more petite your are, the more flattering slimmer belts will look. Likewise, the taller and/or wider you are, the more flattering a wider, brighter, coloured belt will appear.

4. Add Sandals

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I’m a stiletto girl myself eh, but even against the fushia-est, peep-toe, stiletto pump, there’s really no mistaking the ability of  the simplest, nude-leather, thong, flat sandals, to make even the blah-est dress feel like summer. Perhaps it’s because, unlike the pump, there’s no thought of wearing thong sandals in any other season without risking a dread frostbite in ya tail.

If you must go tall, wedges are a lot more summer-y than stilettos. Throw in cork, or the woven espadrille typed soles and you’re even more in the mix. Also, peep-toe (rather than closed-toe) or sling-back, styled wedges, look more like you consciously opted to wear wedges, and less like needing to wear them for orthopedic reasons.

5. Smile

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It’s summer for crying out loud. Longer days, ripe for patio dinners and sangria with friends and family over a never-ending, ever-amorphous convo. Festivals. The beach. BBQs. Road trips. No  jackets.

*Spoiler Alert*: If you can’t find a reason to smile now, then your life would really suck in a few months.

Carry on.

b Freakin’Fabulous

If you do one thing for the Holidays…


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There are two types of people in this world. Those who fuss about the holidays, and those who don’t.

You know, the ones who stress themselves out about what everyone else will think, only to stress and bicker some more that the people who they were fretting for didn’t give a rat’s behind. Then there are those who live on the flip-side of this planet – the ones who don’t so much as buy a card for nobody, including moms.

If you do one thing to prepare for the holiday season, DETOX. Physically and mentally.

The festive season is usually a time of great excess, so prepare yourself for it in order that you don’t overindulge, over do, and over be, only to then be pressured into setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Goals of which you do not express loudly of course, because, nowadays, telling people that you’ve set ‘New Years resolutions’ for yourself is soooooo last decade. *Goooooosh*.

It’s all about the winging it, innit? Forget the goal setting, just freestyle the next 365 days of your life. Brilliant!

I digress.

The Holiday Season.

Excessive food.
Excessive conversation.
Excessive drinking.
Excessive spending.
Excessive skin teet.

Prepare your body and mind for it. Eliminate the the current build up of toxins, before you open up and indulge in new ones, so that come 01022011, you don’t feel chock full of bile and regret. Allow yourself enough psychological and physicial space to properly deal with excesses drama that don’t belong to you; the stuff that messes with your zen and makes your year start off with a *Pfffft* rather than a *How you like DEM apples!” kinda thing.

And while you are detoxing yourself, why not clean up your environment?

Schedule a Fall cleaning.

Declutter your space and make room for everything that you will and hope to receive in the new year.

SORT OUT YOUR *ISH.

Give the lightly used, clothing or otherwise, to charity, to someone you know, or to a family in need. For some of us, the unused stuff that you got on clearance because it was a ‘deal’, and paid no mind to the fact that it neither fits, nor compliments your shape nor anything else in your closet for that matter, also qualifies. Let’s face it, if you haven’t used it in a year, worse if you live in a climate that does NOT change for the entire year, then chances are you aren’t using it for a reason.

“Fabulous” fits and flatters. “Unfabulous” doesn’t.

Do yourself and the public at large a favour and give unfab away. Freely.

And while we’re getting busy with it…volunteer.

So you can’t buy something for everyone that you know is in need, but you can give of your time, your energy or perhaps of your experience. It is said the the less time that you spend focusing on yourself, the more you appreciate what and those that you have, especially when you spent your time with people who are less fortunate than you are.

Theory of relativity.

That’s like me stressing out yesterday about having lost my son’s bag, and his entire ‘LIFE’ along with it on the subway.

Stressful? Sure. I guess someone got an early Christmas. But when I think about the fact that I could have lost him???… well, losing a fun-filled knapsack ain’t so bad in the grand scheme of things. Go ahead and enjoy.

b Freakin’Fabulous.

Photo credits: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

That’s the Spirit

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If I’ve ever had a doubt about my ability to make lemon martinis, well not anymore!

Call me a bartender.

Being doused in freshly squeezed, premium lime does burn a little, hell a lot, but it sure does clean you up well. *Sparkel*

Lemon juice gets rid of all the dirt and grime, the excess layers, and magnificently leaves a shine in areas that were over scuffed.

2010 is soon coming to a close. For most of us its a happy time of year. People generally have, at least, decent moods, companies give away food and booze, and you get to see your boss behaving in ways you’d never imagine, which of course ensures that your job is secure for at least another year. Guilt is a hell of a thing.

Living in Canada, I get to celebrate Thanksgiving twice. The first time, when Canada celebrates it, and then another when the ‘rest of the world’ , or so the US believes, celebrates it.

  • More food.
  • More good times
  • More shopping sure, but more importantly,

more time to reflect on why I ought to be thankful, and, despite however I may feel during what can seem to be an incalculable amount of  ceiling-mounted, fire-blazing hoops, why I am truly blessed.

Blessed beyond measure.

Then, on the heels of Thanksgiving, comes the jolly old Ho.

Well, the Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho-liday Season. A time where kids believe and receive; something that we often seem to lose as ‘adults’ because, oh…

“Santa isn’t real”

Some of us can be such party poppers. What IS real?

My perception, IS my reality. Party poop that.

After all, isn’t that what ‘Santa’ is really about? ….Believing?

It’s not about being able to circle the globe in one night, Stupid. We all got over that decades ago. It’s not about religion or politics, or about who got the best present, who’s sucked, and who got none at all, because we all get presents.

We get presents everyday. We get the gift of opportunity; the opportunity to create or squander, to live and learn or to mentally and emotionally succumb to our thought processes.

“Santa” is about  the spirit of happiness; that of thankfulness; that of believing.

The selfless act of giving and receiving, of sharing fun times with family and friends, and learning how best to endure those members of your family, who,  at some point in your life you’ve secretly prayed to, one day, not be related to – not in public at any rate.

I believe in Santa. Party Poop that.

Know that you will never receive anything unless you believe. Not happiness, not material gain, not friends (outside of the electric friend generator) and definitely not presents.

So yeah, I’m reflecting a bit early this year. Hell, this year was so special I was reflecting since March.

Reflecting on what I’ve achieved this past year, how my plans have panned out or not, the wagons that I jumped on and those that i was violently thrown off. Reflecting on the experiences that I enjoyed, but would never in life do again. On the goals that I’ve attained and the ones that no longer fit into my life script. Giving thought to those individuals who I have had the privilege to meet – those who have helped me unveil a landscape that I’ve neither seen nor experienced before, and who I’ve been sanctified to finally depart ways from.

Hallelujah and Amen.

Departure from what was once good, but has over time become rancid and toxic is good all the time, and all the time it is good. It’s like a fantastically yummy nugget of self-renewal; a guilty pleasure. The euphoria associated with finally being able to put down that knapsack full of porous, limestone rock that you’ve been carrying around on your shoulder blade for a minute, only to discover that you never, ever in life have to pick it up again.

Relief!

There’s some good to grating a barrel of limes after all. For in the end, no matter how haphazardly things are thrown in the air, all must fall and settle on the ground once again. I am most appreciative of the fact that no sharp objects collided with me on the way down.

There’s lots to be thankful for in this life.

I am thankful for my lemons; all of them, for it is because of them I know who I am.

Pieces.

be Freakin’Fabulous

Broken vs. Experienced

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Aren’t we all broken?
I beg to differ. No we all are not.

This is not to say that we all haven’t endured some things that we rather wouldn’t have, or haven’t been down and out on our ‘luck’ at times, but there is a gaping cavity  between being broken and being experienced.

One is a reactive mentality and one is a proactive mentality.

One leans toward pessimism and one leans toward optimism.

Broken

If you carry it around with you and let it speak for you, you are broken.

When you are broken, you haven’t yet gotten past those bad experiences that you’ve had. You judge others by your past life and find difficultly in trusting others even though you know that you have no valid reason not to in that specific instance.

When you are broken everyone knows that you’ve been through an ordeal. People can see your past written all over you – in your posture, the way you carry yourself and hear it in the words you speak into your life and into the lives of others. Your entire outlook on life is gloomy. Nothing excites you. You take life as it is dealt you, and you merely survive.

Experienced

If you’ve learned lessons from all the lemons that you’ve tasted, and are a better person for it, can see life in a different way and understand how to enjoy life, the good and the bad… then you are experienced.

To be experienced is to have lived and have learned. It involves having acknowledged what came or is coming your way, and finding a way to deal with it – to get past it, and press forward in your life rather than wallow in the juicy sour puddles. It does not involve being shaped fully by your past negative vibes, or by what others expect of you, but to be a product of what you expect yourself to be.

It’s moving past the trials. Moving past the sometimes undesirable history that is all a part of this trial and error that is sometimes called life.

No one gets everything right on the first try. No-one. No matter how intelligent, gifted, talented, wealthy or charismatic you are, No one gets everything right on the first try.

So yes, there is a difference.

Which are you?

Freakin’Fabulous

Photo Credits: Wesley Williams/ My 365

Paging “Me”

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We have but one life to live.

Sometimes it rocks and sometimes it downright sucks; Just how much of either we feel in this life depends more on our outlook than on our circumstances. 

The key to learning how to deal with others is to have a very good understanding of ourselves.

To understand where we are coming from, where are are going and moreso where we will not be found.

To get it straight that other people’s issues, challenges, thoughts and opinions of us (and the world at large) are not a reflection of us, but rather a reflection of where they are in their life.

How we see the world is in our control. Ultimately, to be happy in this life, we must find our own integrity, self-love, and peace by way of liberating ourselves from responsibility for the unhappiness of others.

Miguel Ruiz’s, a Mexican author, best summarized this concept in his workbook as a companion, The Four Agreements, (featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show if that does anything for ‘ya).

See below the four agreements that he urges us all to make with ourselves:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

— Miguel Ruiz

His other works include The Voice of KnowledgePrayers, and The Mastery of Love

Thanks Camz!

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Making light of it all

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You know that feeling you get when you realized that something just went terribly wrong?

For example the one that you get when you realize that you just royally destroyed something that’s not yours, either something you borrowed or something that you are supposed to keep safe for someone. Fear, panic, and maybe somewhere long after you get a flash of intelligence where you actually do something that can alleviate the situation perhaps. Then of course you have more fear. What is your friend going to say? How are you going to apologize? Then you start thinking down the line, how will this affect the friendship? This series of questioning is often followed by resignation, where you just take a deep breath and face your friend dead on, with your head hung in shame.

It’s been said that life is a tragedy in the short term but a comedy in the long term, especially where it concerns material things. Hindsight is really 20/20.

Thing is, even though in the moment you feel as though you just want to crawl through the crack in the floor and die, if you choose to retell the story to someone else, it would be almost impossible for them to resist the urge to laugh. And then, though you may be annoyed at first that the person isn’t taking your misfortune seriously, you can eventually see the light dawn in the horizon and you start to laugh yourself.

How silly you were! Trying to turn the electric burner off without using the knob, duh things will catch a fire. Eventually, things don’t seem that bad at all. Actually, you then realize that things could have been a whole lot worse. 

A gentle smile sometimes helps to diffuse difficult situations. The ability to laugh at one’s transgressions is truly indicative of one being comfortable with oneself – and with others. We are not perfect. Bad things happen, or at least they may seem bad at the time, but really things are not usually as bad as they seem.  So you stub your toe on the end table. After you stop rolling around on the ground, look back and try to see the humor in the situation. A good laugh at oneself never hurt anyone.

As a matter of fact, laughing is said to be very good for the soul. A smile is said to use less muscles than a frown. (okay but can some one please explain what good are those horrid laugh-lines are for? What the firetruck purpose does that serve? Every time one is seen, a frown soon follows, go figure.)

And if you are a regular here you will appreciate me putting in this: The Mona Lisa is a piece of art that always brings a smile to my face. In fact I must confess that I have spent many an hour standing in front of a mirror trying to perfect that very same smile.

As it turns out laughter is also used as an anesthetic. The dentists give you nitrous oxide  so that you can ‘laugh’ through the pain of a root canal, although the pain that lingers after the nitrous oxide wears away is nothing to laugh at.

All of this can be backed up scientifically. One Dr. Provine states that:-

- The much vaunted health benefits of laughter are probably coincidental, a consequence of it’s much more important primary goal: bringing people together. In fact, the health benefits of laughter may result from the social support it stimulates.

- Laughter plays a big role in mating. Men like women who laugh heartily in their presence.

- Both sexes laugh a lot, but females laugh more–126 percent more than their male counterparts. Men are more laugh-getters.

- The laughter of the female is the critical index of a healthy relationship.

- Laughter in relationships declines dramatically as people age.

- Like yawning, laughter is contagious; the laugher of others is irresistible.

So you see even the scientists are laughing. It is after all the best medicine.

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Forward ever…

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Source: The benefits of laughter.

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The ‘Smart’ Curse

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Being perceived as ‘smart’ is definitely a blessing.

It also has it’s drawbacks.

Everyone expects that you do something ‘phenomenal’ with your life, at the very least become a doctor, a lawyer, some engineer of some sort. An accountant. A neurosurgeon. A rocket scientist.

Change the world in some magnificent boom bang way that will require you to give speeches where people introduce you and the alphabet that comes after your name, in some terrificly formal shindig setting.

So while you are conquering the world, doing and fulfilling everything that everyone else has dreamed for you, all you really want to do is sell rubber slippers and marinate by the beach.

Being a hero is great and all, but sometimes you just want to not think about anything, to not be responsible for saving the world. Maybe it’s a phase, maybe it’s not, still it doesn’t remove the fact that it’s a genuine feeling that you have. It’s quite possible that if you sit long enough, you can formulate the next best thing, but you just don’t wish to do it today. Not this year, and quite possibly, not for the rest of your life.

It’s not that you don’t wish to be successful or achieve something in life, you just wish to be free from the bondage of lofty, mismatched expectations for a quick second.

Interestingly enough, so many of my friends experience this feeling.

The civil engineer, who works in construction who’s dream is to one day own a kite surfing place, where he teaches people how to kite surf for the whole day, everyday. The master accountant, working in one of the biggest accounting firms in the world who wishes to be a photographer and have his own studio. The high profile lawyer who just wishes to write and maybe one day become a journalist, or the engineer who sells fuel oil to Europe who wishes to switch to an industry where the average starting salary is minimum wage.

Totally irrational isn’t it?

This world can be so competitive at times that parents can’t help but want the best for their children. It is especially difficult for ‘smart’ kids who have the opportunity for higher education, an opportunity that maybe their parents didn’t have. So yeah, I totally get it.

In an age where it is more and more of a requirement to have a degree to even get through the door of a corporate interview, there is the added pressure of going to University to pursue… something, anything that will get you even a prayer of a ‘stable’ future. It is not uncommon for some kids to be the first in their family to have the opportunity to attend University, so even then the pressure builds, and builds. The entire dreams of past generations are heaved upon a 13 year old:

“Son, what are you going to do with your life?”

Thing is, in a world that is so competitive, how can you NOT want the ‘best’ for your child?

Not that my kids will not go to University, eeerrr…. no. That’s not what I’m saying. If they want to do PhD in basket weaving even, they will get that paper, for it is not my intention to understate the value of an education. The aim isn’t to be necessarily disadvantaged, but just to take the path in life that closely matches your dreams and aspirations.

I’m just saying, the world is such a smaller place now, and there are so many niche markets. These are exciting times. You can do almost anything and be successful once you posses the passion (and talent!) for it.

It’s never too late to take some time, even if it’s part time or maybe once a week, to do or start that thing that you’ve always ‘dreamed’ of doing. Of course, it’s not necessarily going to be easy, but going after something that you are passionate about rarely is. I’ve found that though it may be difficult to balance the many, doing something that you enjoy can bring the sanity to the sensationally insane world that we live in.

In terms of kids, why not take an honest look at their natural talents.

- What are they good at?

- What do they enjoy?

- What would they like to try?

Let this be a starting point from which you formulate their lives rather than formulate it from the point of view of what you always wanted to do.

It’s not always this simple but it’s a start. Knowing and understanding the natural talents of our kids, make us better prepared to jump at the opportunity for them to pursue their purpose in life, whenever one may present itself. It may take us a while to find one, but at least we will be prepared.

This is not always an easy process, as often times we haven’t yet taken the time to do the same with ourselves.

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Success can be defined not so much by the amount of money we make, but by the quality of life that we experience. Success is subjective; Not everything is for everyone.

There is so much to be excited for in this life; so much to see, to experience, to do. People to meet, places to visit, things to do.

Do what you love. Love what you do.

Live life passionately.

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Champagne Taste and Mauby Pocket.

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Hmmm.

As Divas, we sometimes have to deal with more than our fair share of the nasty.

We’ve all met them:

- The Super who is a bit too friendly when he comes to fix the leak in the kitchen

- The Bouncer at the nightclub who thinks that he can get some of your lovely because he mans the door of the hotspot, or

- The Smarmy landlord who “subtly” offers to subsidize your rent for a night out on his town.

We have all been through it, and it sucks big time. Coupled with the feelings of revulsion, you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you somehow, somewhere along the way, managed to show this scumbag that you were able to be bought.

Well, Sweet Honey Chile’, don’t blame yourself; It’s nothing you said or did.  The onus falls on Mr. Little Blue (Pill).

Rest assured that if he offered to give you an extension on your lease in exchange for your lovely presence on his arm in public, (its ok to cringe), and you declined this, oh so generous offer, it is he that should feel like Eau de POOP, not you.

We should feel good about the fact that we were not in the least turned on by the fatness of his wallet, (or his engorged beer belly, for that matter), but rather would choose to be impressed by valour, honour and compassion for one’s fellow man, not to mention the unquestionable ability to get it up without the use of a prescription drug or a magnifying glass.

So what if he thinks that he is worthy to even stand on the platform of your exotic love train, much less buy a ticket and be allowed to board, all because he has a lot of cheddar? Somebody is in total denial and it ain’t you Sister!

Its not your fault that he suddenly got the “Mauby Pocket Syndrome” (a common syndrome among the beta males roaming the planet). We ought to feel flattered that he realized this, and that he tried to sweeten the pot with something that he thought you didn’t have.

And so this paltry token of appreciation has been laid at our feet. What the firetruck do we do now?

Withhold the the urge to slap the teeth out of his lecherous mouth. Instead dig deep to find your most believable ‘Ditzy’ moment and start giggling helplessly. Do this for about 3 minutes, just enough time for Mr. Tiny Blue (Pill)  to start feeling seriously uncomfortable.

Then do something that will throw him off course, and mess with him a bit. Things that come immediately to mind are :

- Search in your bag for a pen, and decline vehemently when he offers one.

- Take out your phone and call your grandmother and ask her if she is up for a date with a really swell guy (insert “Face Drop” here), or

- Start calling for your dog, Patches.

By the time you are finished doing something totally insane, sober up suddenly and make Direct Eye Contact (DEC) with the old Smarm. Smile brightly and politely decline his offer.

Don’t give the bastard any help by just standing there. Pack up shop and walk away, shut your car door, roll up your windows and when you get to where you are going, give yourself some time to recoup and collect your self.

A good pat on the on the back for leaving with your dignity in tact, and you’re ready to take on the world.

Remember self love is something we cannot do without. Never lose sight of the bigger picture.

Love yourself. There isn’t enough money to wash away the stink of losing your dignity.

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Forward ever!

P.S.:
Mauby Pocket Syndrome - a term derived from a local Trinidadian saying which states that a person has “Champagne taste and Mauby pocket”.

This means that he or she has very expensive tastes but no way of affording it.

Champagne, as we know, is associated fine (and expensive) drinking, whereas Mauby, although a tremendously delightful drink made of bark, spices and cane sugar, is priced so affordably, at even the least fortunate among us can enjoy it.

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The Goddess Treatment

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Women often lose sight of their Goddess status on this planet. It’s a cycle that should have been broken hundreds of years ago, but somehow we find ourselves sucked right into the trap, and our daughters are following right behind.

Everyday I hear from women who are told, verbally or other wise, that they will never be good enough. It’s difficult to get this out of your psyche after you believe it long enough. 

We should in fact be our biggest champions, because we cannot expect males to understand something that they’ve never experienced. If some change isn’t made soon, our daughters may never have the kind of relationships that I have been fortunate enough to have with my girlfriends.

Enter the Goddess treatment.
The Oxford dictionary states that a Goddess is a female deity; a woman who has divine status, quality or nature; One who is adored, especially for her beauty.

In some cultures Goddesses are commonly associated with the Earth, motherhood, love, and the household. In other cultures, goddesses may also be associated with functions such as war, death, and destruction as well as healing.

Either way Goddess are powerful and mean business.

In our society, Goddesses are shown everywhere, from art to fashion, yet as girls we are told that we must be seen and not heard.

The Mona Lisa one of the most famous works of Art. The woman shown isn’t the western culture’s definition of what is ‘beautiful’, but her regal and knowing look that holds our attention.

What is she thinking about?

Who is she knowingly smiling at?

What does she know that we don’t?

Yet as women, society almost encourages us to revile and be unnecessarily judgmental about each other, after all, who do you think you are, and what give you the right to be so fly? 

As a Goddess you have all the right in the world to do you.

Thing is, as a woman, being unable to find anything positive to say about another woman, even though you live the same day to day struggles that all women encounter in this life, says a lot more about you and your self esteem than it does about the person who you insist on pulling down.

We have the tendency to freely give of ourselves to others, male and female, even when there is clearly nothing that we can gain from it.

A wise woman once told me that the thing that sets us humans apart from animals is the ability to choose; No one can do us ill unless we let them. Love is a cycle – it cannot exist if it is incomplete; You cannot truly love someone else, if you do not love yourself enough to say it and show it to yourself daily, every second of everyday. 

Let us not try to seek self worth from others, but nurture and reinforce it within ourselves. This way when someone comes along and professes ‘love’ for us, since we already know what love feels like, we can call them on it when it falls dramatically short. 

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Forward ever…

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